Hey @Help_needed, I’ve had in-depth conversations about this topic with my daughter as she’s come to me after being asked to send nude photos.    In addition to talking about the dangers and the fact that anything sent online can be shared and found - nothing is private, we also talked about self respect, self worth and the impression given by these types of pics and the type of shallow attention they bring.    It’s so hard as social media is flooded with young girls wearing next to nothing so the peer pressure to do the same would be intense. It’s a different world to the one I grew up in!    Let us know how you get on.  ... View more

Today I’m grateful for the rain we’ve had. ... View more

The best things for me parenting my daughter, are seeing her mature and work out her values in life. She has a brilliant sense of humour and I love seeing her relaxed, comfortable, and being her gorgeous self. I love listening to her talk about things she’s learnt because despite her huge educational gaps she actually has an amazing wealth of knowledge on a wide variety of subjects.    The toughest thing for me without a doubt is the emotion involved in parenting. The worry, fear, frustration, anger, sadness, heartbreak to name a few. Being unable to make everything okay for my daughter is a bitter pill to swallow, and being my own harshest parenting judge and critic is something I struggle with as well.  ... View more

Hi @Mumof1, I’m sorry to hear your daughter’s stopped counselling and is so reactive towards you. I also have depression so understand how hard it can be dealing with our daughter’s abuse. It can be very hard to separate but I do try to remember what I’ve been told - that our teens don’t think the way we do, their brains are going through massive changes throughout these years.    In saying that I think our girls are old enough to hear how their words make us feel, and be given the opportunity to look at their behaviour and make some choices around that. I know these conversations can feel quite confronting for my daughter and if I come across like I’m laying blame or judging her, she reacts abusively. They act tough but it’s usually covering a hurt, fear or anxiety that needs some understanding and care. So it can also provide the opportunity to ask what’s going for your daughter, what is she thinking and feeling to react like that?    You really sound like you’re doing your best to crack that communication barrier, and it’s not easy when you’re feeling hurt as well. I’m glad you’re getting some help for yourself to manage your depression. I don’t underestimate the added difficulty it adds to parenting a teen with their own mental health issues, so looking after ourselves is super important. Hang in there  ... View more

Hey @chilemama, your post really hit home with me as I’m going through similar with my 16 year old daughter and given the same advice from her counsellor - let her play xbox, watch Netflix etc while she recovers. So that’s what she’s doing at the moment, and like you, I have my reservations about it too. While I understand my daughter’s mental health issues, as I have similar, I also worry about her getting too comfortable doing nothing and believing that she is too ill to do anything with her life.    Whenever I tried to get her to think about study she’d fly off the handle and tell me I didn’t care or understand because I was going against the counsellor. It came to a head a couple of weeks ago and I just told her that I’m her mum who knew her best and will be making the final call on what’s best for her. I told her I love her very much which is what motivates my decisions and I explained my concerns to her and the reasons behind them. That part of the conversation was completely “I” statements (“I think...”, “I feel...”, “I believe...”, “I need...”), and then we spoke about choices and how she owns each of those, along with the consequences of her choices, positive or negative. I asked her what she wanted for her future and so then we talked about the steps needed to get there and the challenges we needed to overcome to get there. And I told her what I needed from her for me to be able to best support her, and that was to help out around the house!!   I then left it for a couple of days before we sat down and talked about compromises to get to our final agreement, which was basically she’d help out and then she had her free time. She’s also thought about what she’d like to study online (another compromise to attending tafe) but yet to enrol...    The relapses are really tough for parents too because we want them to be happy and doing all the usual things, so it’s worrying and feels disappointing, especially because we can’t fix it. I’ve tried banning the internet, restricting times etc and for our family the compromise has worked best and eliminated the stress involved in doing that. We need to choose our battles and that was one that did more damage than good for us.    I’ve found our rules agreements fail completely when they need tweaking or updating altogether as my daughter’s gotten older. It took me years to figure this out!! We take time to work it out so that we both feel it’s fair and we can commit, then I make it official. I type it up, save it, print it off for us both to sign! When she complains I don’t argue, just put it on the table to remind her of her agreement. Laminating the agreement is a good idea for these times!    I hope something from my experiences can be helpful for you. I had intended to respond the other night but my iPad ran out of charge and I didn’t get back on until this morning!    All the the best for a peaceful Monday.  ... View more

Thank you @sunflowermom  ... View more

Your understandable concerns certainly add another really difficult twist to the equation @mrsj02.    I like @Erin-RO‘s suggestion. It’d be be great if you could talk this over with a counsellor and get their perspective.    How would you feel about discussing with your husband how he will manage your daughter, and coming up with a plan for contact with you?   I wish I had more to offer you in way of suggestions, but listen to your gut feeling. It’s always right.   We’re always here to support you in any way we can, even if that’s just listening.   Let us know how you get on.  ... View more

Hi @stressedout, I can only imagine how worried you are and my heart goes out to you. It can be so confusing when our teens shut us out and we feel we’ve lost our connection with them.    I haven’t a lot to add to the wonderful suggestions given already, but thought I’d give you think link here to a resource on effective communication with teens that is really helpful.  I’ve found that by changing the way I communicate with my daughter has really helped bridge that gap.    The coaching is fabulous as well, I highly recommend looking into it.    How are you managing? Is there anything you do that is just for you, that makes you feel good? Self care really helps us cope and not lose ourselves entirely in our often stressful role as a parent  ... View more

Hey @sunflowermom, I’m sorry to hear about your daughter sneaking a boy in for so long. I can imagine your trust must be broken, but admire how you talked with your daughter to find out what’s behind her actions. It’s not always easy to do when we’re feeling betrayed and upset.   It’s awesome you’ve thought about punishment in terms of what you are realistically going to be able to implement. 2 weeks without a phone for a teenager will hurt enough, they seem to have become another appendage lol.    That must’ve been a huge relief seeing your daughter manage her first day of school so well. I hope she continues moving forward. There’ll always be the ups and downs but as long as the trajectory is in the right direction!   Self care is so important so I’m glad you’re including it more in your routine. I hope you and your hubby can also find some time to really reconnect. Do you have friends or relatives the girls can stay with so you can both get away for a weekend?  ... View more

I just love this @Breez-RO " It's wonderful to have a safe space to reflect on your own inner child, and some of the afflictions she lives with"   And I'm so glad that you have sought some help from your therapist @canadianmum. That can really help give us some understanding and clarity, and realising your mother isn't likely to change must help you deal with the situation that is.    It sounds like you are making great choices to look after yourself and your daughter and protect yourselves from unhealthy people. It's so sad when those people are family, but as you say, healthy boundaries make for a healthier self.    You're doing an amazing job!  ... View more

Hi @mrsj02, I'm a single mum with an only child so can't offer any lived experience but can only imagine what a tough decision this must be for you.    I do like @sunflowermom's suggestion of maybe trialling the move and seeing how the kids manage. It's so hard because we never know what the best thing is going to be or what the outcome of our parenting decisions are going to be, and sometimes we need to just jump in and see how things go. Decisions made can always be changed, and as you say there are positives in both your youngest staying with you as well as going with her father.   Hopefully there are some other parents who can share their thoughts as well. @Monty777, @Happy, any thoughts? ... View more

I finished this one yesterday. #6 so far.   ... View more

Thanks @sunflowermom and @gina-Ro.   I'd love to see your table @sunflowermom!  ... View more

This is my latest mosaic. My only regret - not using black grout. The dark grey isn’t that dark!     @sunflowermom and @gina-Ro, I’d love to see some of your creations  ... View more

My pleasure @Tully99. We often second guess ourselves but I truly believe you’re doing all you can in an amazing way. Your son is very lucky to have you as his mum  ... View more

Hi @MomofTeenBoy, welcome to the forum, and thank you for sharing with us. This is a topic I’m sure many parents will relate to!   It’s so difficult to know what the best thing to do is, and I’ve found there are varying opinions amongst parents. I think, as @gina-Ro said, you know your son best, and after listening to others, it’s important for parents to follow what sits comfortably with them.   I think many of us are swayed by our own experiences, and I’m one of those. I was a curious and experimental teen myself which saw me kicked out of home at 17 and ostracised from my family on and off for years. Alcohol and drugs (including nicotine)  were forbidden topics for discussion, and I lied about where I was going, stole alcohol from home, all that stuff. As determined as I was, I was out of my depth, unsafe, and in need of guidance.   I’m now mum to a 16 year old and have decided to do things differently to my parents. I have very open communication with my daughter and we talk about the health risks, the safety issues, and anything else she wants to know or talk about. I’ve also made it clear that her safety is paramount to me and takes priority over wherever she is or whatever state she’s in. I don’t want her going underground, as teens will do if they want to do something we don’t approve of.    Being 14, your son’s a bit younger, but sounds like the perfect opportunity to have a talk with them all. My personal opinion is that if they’ve used alcohol or are planning to, it’s not too soon at all.    Again my personal thoughts are that since the boys were planning this activity in your home, you have the right to have this discussion with them. If you know the other parents I’d let them know the plans being hatched, but I do really like @gina-Ro‘s suggestion - think about what you’d want as a parent. What a fabulous platform to make our decisions from!   I think talks around the sending of inappropriate pictures is a great idea as well. Does your son have a sister or female cousin, or someone that he’d be upset about if these types of pictures were being sent around of them? It can really help teens see a different perspective if they can relate the words to something tangible.    Parenting’s not an easy job, and to reach out for support shows what a concerned and loving mum you are. Whatever decisions we make are made out of love and our kids can’t ask for more than that  ... View more

She’s a funny one @sunflowermom, and I don’t mind it either. Reminds me I’m a Mum and that’s all I ever wanted to be 😊    I hope you enjoyed your pizza and your sleep-in!  ... View more

I'm sorry you and your teen are going through this as well @6littledoves.    Our changeover began with the school my daughter was enrolled in, so I'd suggest having a chat with the year advisor and school counsellor first up. It can all feel a bit overwhelming can't it! And sad to be honest - we just want our kids to be happy and not in any pain, physical or psychological.    You're not alone, so I'm glad you've reached out for some support from the community. Hopefully you'll have found some of the info in this thread helpful as well.    Let us know how you get on. Hang in there! ... View more

I totally agree @gina-Ro, I love making the mosaic then having something I've made :-)  Yes, you should get into your sketching!    Today I'm grateful that we're inspiring each other to bring out our creative sides for all the benefits it brings! ... View more

Hi @Tisme, I just wanted to check in see how you’ve been since your last post.   I’m sorry to hear you are ill and that your daughter isn’t showing you she loves you. I have no doubt she loves you very much, but it must be hurtful feeling she hasn’t made any efforts.    Things sound really tough and you sound at the end of your tether after dealing with difficult behaviours for a long time. It’s frustrating and exhausting and it can be hard to know what to do next.    Do you have any idea what might be behind your daughter’s behaviour and verbal aggression?    My daughter can be very similar and will get angry to keep people at a distance so she doesn’t have to face what’s going on. Her comfort zone is very small and she spends a lot of time in her room as well. I haven’t won the battle with the pig sty which is her bedroom, so I put a small bin in there for her rubbish. The other mess I’ve learnt to turn a blind eye to, as much as it irks me! Like you, I also clean and tidy when she’s not home, purely for my own satisfaction I’ll admit.    You were saying that your daughter wants for nothing, and I’m wondering how you’d feel about getting her to earn some of those privileges? You’d need to brace for the hurricane! I’ve had amazing results though once my daughter’s realised the boundary is firm, and I’m no longer nervous about setting boundaries which amazes me when I think back to the explosive episodes we started with.   I can completely understand that you’re angry, and can also tell that you love your daughter because you’ve reached out for support. Teenagers brains are going through huge changes, and I’ve found it helpful to remember that it’s my daughter’s behaviours I don’t always like, my daughter I love very much. It helps with the sting sometimes.   Hang in there  ... View more

Thank you so much @Amirah-RO    I don’t know how I missed your message earlier, apologies for my late reply!   Things have been up and down recently but we find the energy to keep battling on. I think it’s that softening of the heart and mind that allows hope to stay alive and keeps us moving forward. I don’t underestimate the value of hope      ... View more

I’ve been watching Netflix lately and a documentary I really loved was called ‘The Champions’. It was about the pit bulls that were rescued from American NFL star, Michael Vick’s dog fighting ring.    It it was heartbreaking seeing how these dogs lived, how they were treated and learning about the fate of the ones who didn’t cut it in the ring, however the rescue and rehabilitation of these terrified, untrusting dogs was just beautiful. Dogs just want to be our best friends and the amazing people who patiently spent the time with these broken animals to get them to a point where they could go on to loving homes was a true statement of the good that thrives in this world.      ... View more

Today for self-care I had an afternoon nap.  ... View more

Fantastic @sunflowermom! 😊 I’d love to see some of your work! I’ve never been artistic (my daughter actually asked me if I’m having a mid-life crisis!!), but it’s a form of self-care I’m really enjoying!    Today I’m grateful for a simple and delicious dinner.  ... View more

It’s lovely to hear from you @Moloko and it sounds like things are generally going well which is great.    Choosing the battles is a big one isn’t it! My daughter’s not studying at all at the moment and she becomes very defensive as well if I raise the issue, so instead I talk about choices and the responsibility we must own for our choices and the outcomes. We can’t force them at this age, but I feel with that, my daughter needs to be aware about cause and effect.  We can only hope that when things align for our girls that they’ll find the motivation to fulfill their potential.   Friendships are so tough at this age and I know what you mean about not wanting to place judgement on her friends. I love the way you’re dealing with it and talking about what a good friend is. It’s such an important life lesson and fantastic that your daughter has begun realising for herself. It’s a great lesson about relationships in general I think.    My daughter wouldn’t see a counsellor for years but got to a stage where she decided she wanted to, so hopefully your daughter will come around to that as well. She may very well feel she’s not understood or as you say, not ready to hear what she’s being told. We saw numerous counsellors all to no avail, and then funnily enough my daughter chose to go back to the first counsellor she’d seen. It’s never too late and possibly for now your daughter’s at capacity for self help intake with lessons she’s currently learning.    I had a laugh at your comment about being proud of your daughter’s insight at times, and at others wondering where you went wrong! I can totally relate to that! How can there be such a huge gap between the two sometimes??! 😂 These years are baffling sometimes!    I’m so glad you have wonderful supportive friends, it makes such a difference to how we manage. Keeps us sane!    My daughter’s had some tough struggles recently and things are up and down. She seems to be doing well and then things can change in an instant. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster but she’s learning every day. Thank you for asking 😊    I’ll keep in touch, and in the meantime thinking of you and hoping your daughter continues moving forward  ... View more

Today for self-care I started a jigsaw puzzle.    I hope you got got that early night @gina-Ro  ... View more

Another great service we’ve used previously, and have recently been referred to again, is Mission Australia. They offer family counselling, parenting support and outreach services for teens. They’ll meet with them in a place comfortable for the teen. We used to meet in my daughter’s favourite cafe for her appointments and they were so good with her.    I’m going back for parenting support. Last time we were with them I was studying online and needed to do 3 supervised exams which they were happy to supervise, so they really offer whatever support they can!      ... View more

Hey @Nervous, just wanted to check in and see how you’re going and if you’ve been able to find the info to help you make a decision?    Great suggestion @Happy of recruiting help if you can. You can be pretty creative in the ways you achieve the educational requirements, and it would add another element of diversity, and yes, give you some time for you!  ... View more