Hi @Michi05 and welcome to the online community. We're really glad that you reached out for some support, as this sounds like a really tricky situation to navigate. I'm sorry to hear that you've found your daughter sending nudes via Snapchat. That must be quite a confronting and uncomfortable discovery for you as a parent, and I can certainly understand your concerns about this kind of behaviour taking place online. It sounds as though your daughter sent these images to her boyfriend - do you know him very well? I'm also curious as to whether your daughter knows that you've found these images, or whether this is something that you found on her phone yourself? Having conversations with teens about sending nudes can be really difficult territory, but it can also be incredibly useful in helping them understand how to stay safe online. How would you feel about having a conversation with your daughter about the images you found? If you're interested, we have a few resources on how to talk about sexting with your teen and the eSafety Commission also has a great guide for parents on this topic too. Is there anyone in your life that you trust to talk to about all this? It can be difficult to cope with the idea that your daughter has been sending naked images to someone, so if you're keen to have a chat with someone for some additional support, ReachOut also offers a parents coaching service that you can access.  Hang in there @Michi05 and please feel free to keep us updated on how things are going with your daughter  P.S. We'll be sending you an email to check-in, so keep an eye on your email inbox.  ... View more

Hi @Mummyofrebel and thank you for sharing this with us. We're so glad you reached out for some support. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having trouble managing your daughter's phone use. It can be incredibly tricky to try and establish firm and healthy boundaries with teens around using their phones, especially if your daughter is having a strong reaction when you try to encourage her to take some time away from their screens. If you're interested, feel free to check out these articles on managing your teen's use of technology and supporting your teen to stay safe online. You also mentioned that your teen has recently been sent some pornographic material by a friend. I can completely understand why this would be distressing for you, especially given that your daughter is only 13. It sounds like it might be useful to talk to your daughter about the content that she's been sent to see what effect it has had on her and to come up with a way to manage these kinds of messages together.  I'm curious, do you happen to know your daughter's friend who sent the pornographic clip to her? This sounds like quite a serious situation and a very inappropriate message for your daughter to receive, so it might be worth discussing it with the other young person's parents. If you don't know the young person or don't feel comfortable talking to their parents, getting in touch with your daughter's school to discuss the incident may be another useful option.  It sounds like you're having a difficult time right now @Mummyofrebel. Do you have anyone in your life that you trust to talk about this situation with, like family or friends? We'll be sending you an email shortly just to check in, so keep an eye on your inbox. ... View more

Hi there @chickenlittle (great name by the way) and welcome to the online community! It sounds like you're keen to find some toys that are appropriate for you little ones to play with. How old are your kids? ReachOut Parents Forum is primarily designed for parents of teens between 12-18, so I'm not sure if we have a lot of advice to give in this area. But, with that being said, the Raising Children Network has some fantastic resources on learning, toys and play. They have specific advice on play for each age group, so you should be able to find some great ideas about toys there regardless of how old your kids are.  All the best!  ... View more

Hi @Upmama38 and welcome to the online community, we're really glad you reached out for some support. I can completely understand your concern about this situation - it does seem quite unusual, particularly since your stepchildren are well into their teens. Do you happen to know if this is something that their bio mum has started doing recently, or if it's something that she has always done around the house? I can hear that you're concerned about this kind of behaviour and how it might be impacting your stepkids, which is absolutely a valid concern. It sounds like a great sign that they feel comfortable telling you about what's been going on with their mum and sharing this kind of information openly. Have they mentioned how they feel about their mother's nudity at home and whether it makes them feel uncomfortable? Do they show any resistance towards staying with their mum? This seems like quite a concerning situation to learn about, and I can definitely appreciate why you're feeling uneasy about your stepchildren being exposed to this kind of nudity. As you said, it doesn't seem to be incidental nudity like walking from the shower to the bedroom, but rather quite deliberate nudity throughout the house. I'll be sending you an email to check in and discuss your options for addressing this moving forward, so keep an eye on your inbox. Hang in there @Upmama38. It sounds like you care deeply about your stepkids and that you want them to feel safe and comfortable both when they're in your care and with their mum, too. You have every right to be concerned here    ... View more

Hi @Lancaster and welcome to the online community. I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble you're having with your ex-partner and the influence he's having on your sons. It sounds incredibly stressful to have them being picked up from school when it's your time with them, and particularly to see them starting to become disrespectful towards you. After reading your post, I'm curious - what was your relationship like with your sons before they started spending more time with your ex-partner? From what you've told me, it sounds like your ex-partner is pushing the boundaries of what's appropriate and expected in your coparenting arrangement, and seems to be disrespecting your time and relationships with your sons. Do you and your ex-partner have a formal coparenting arrangement, or have you been able to organise things on a more informal basis up to this point? I'm also curious as to whether your ex-partner ever tried to encourage your kids to put you down or tried to use them as a means of control when you were still in a relationship? I can see that you're based in the UK, so if you're up for some reading, Citizens Advice has a great resource on managing an ex-partner who is taking your children without your consent. They also have some great advice on making childcare arrangement after separation, and what to do if your existing arrangements aren't working anymore. ... View more

Hi @Sovilla and welcome to the online community. We're really glad you reached out for some support. I'm really sorry to hear about everything that has been going on with your son. It sounds like your family has been through a huge transition this year after relocating to Australia, and that you're trying to support your son as best you can on top of all of this. I'd imagine that it must have been very confronting to learn that your son has been self-harming and that he tried to take his own life. Has he spoken to you about trying to take his own life, or is this something that you found out from other people?  I can completely understand your frustration around your son's school refusal and his struggle to get out of bed some days - it can be incredibly hard to watch your teen going through this without feeling helpless and sometimes angry that they aren't getting up and trying to carry on. I know that my parents wanted to yank me out of bed themselves some days when I was struggling. It must be confusing to see him laughing and getting along with his siblings one moment, and then feeling down and hopeless the next. Does it seem like anything triggers these changes in his mood? It sounds like you're trying to get him the best possible support by sending him to a psychologist and creating a support network for him at school. Have you considered getting your son involved in your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health service? CAMHS provide community-based support to young people in your local area, as well as offering family-based support to help parents and siblings to cope with the effect of managing their loved one's mental health. Headspace also has youth mental health centres in most local areas and online if you'd like to investigate that too.  You mentioned being a bit concerned that the people your son is spending time with at school may be encouraging him to self-harm. Is there anything in particular that makes you think that? We have some great resources on self-harm here if you'd like to give them a read and pass them onto your son, as well as an article for parents on supporting your teen to manage self-harm. If he needs support with his suicidal thoughts, Lifeline offers crisis support on 13 11 14. Kids Helpline is another option for people under 25 if he would like to talk to someone other than his usual psychologist and he finds himself needing support at short notice. Hang in there @Sovilla. You are not in this alone and we are here to support you as much as possible.  ... View more

Hey there @OneReachout-  Thank you for sharing those reflections with the community. I just wanted to check in with you because it sounds like navigating NDIS has been pretty stressful (and you’re not alone with that feeling). If you ever need to vent or chat about it some more, feel free to create a thread - we’re here for you! ... View more

Hi @Confused40 and welcome to the online community! I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through with your daughter at the moment - I can imagine that seeing her with love bites might have come as quite a shock to you. Have you spoken to your daughter at all about the love bites and where they came from? Keep us posted on how you're doing, you certainly don't have to navigate this tricky situation alone  ... View more

Hi @Nico57 ! You're correct, we are an Australian organisation but we welcome parents from across the world to our online forum. I'm sorry to hear that your son is struggling with loneliness, too - it can be unbearable to see your teen in pain, particularly when you have so little control over the situation that's hurting them. You mentioned that your son has been to three different schools, but that he's struggled to cement any strong friendships in any of these places. Is your son shy or anxious in social situations? I'm also curious about what your son's interests are. Is he involved in any school sports, clubs or teams?  It sounds like you're trying to support your son as best as you can while he's navigating this rough patch. As someone who struggled to make friends in high school, I can assure you that having a safe place to land at home when you're feeling lonely and isolated at school can make a huge difference, so keep in mind how much you're helping him already. If you think it might be helpful, here's an article on supporting your teen when they're feeling lonely that might be worth reading.  If your son wants to talk to someone who understands what it's like to be a teen who is struggling, Teen Line is a US-based helpline that is run by teen counsellors who are trained in supporting their peers. They have a phone line and a text service, so if he is keen to talk to someone his own age, this might be worth exploring too! ... View more

Welcome to the community @sassX5 ! This does sound like a really difficult situation for you to be navigating and we really want to commend you on the great steps you and your fiance have taken together already. It sounds like many of the common challenges that can pop up in blended families have been overcome already for you both by clear communication, a lot of love and some boundary setting. We can also understand why you have concerns about your stepdaughter's ongoing safety in the care of her biological mother given her history with substances and a number of domestic violence incidents. Do you have concerns about your stepdaughter's ongoing safety in her mother's care? We really encourage you and your fiance to consider escalating concerns to authorities in your community if you are ever concerned for her wellbeing. You have asked some important questions here about the boundaries you have established with your fiance around finances and the ways he currently manages what feels like almost abusive contact from his ex-partner. I wonder how your partner responded to the boundaries you proposed to him? It sounds like you're trying a manage a lot at the moment @sassX5. Aside from your partner, what kind of support do you have? Is there anyone in your life that you can talk to about what you're going through as a step-parent? If you think it might be useful for you, the National Stepfamily Resource Centre has some fantastic resources and referrals if you need some extra support. ... View more

Hi @FlorenceSamuels , and welcome to the online community! Our Parents Forum is a space that is open to international users, so you're more than welcome to post from the UK. I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through with your son, it sounds incredibly difficult to see him disengaged from his peers and the family. You mentioned that his trouble with friends and isolation started in lockdown - did he have any trouble making friends prior to this? From what you've said, it sounds as though your son does enjoy some of the time he spends with his family, but that his PC and phone might be acting as a bit of a security blanket since COVID. Unfortunately, this seems to be very common - some young people (and adults too) have been struggling to adjust to life after lockdown and are finding it a bit difficult to get back into the habit of spending time with friends and socialising in a way that doesn't involve technology. If you think it might be useful, Headspace has a self-assessment quiz on returning to a pre-COVID lifestyle. The quiz is designed to help young people to identify what they are finding hard about adjusting to life after lockdown and provides some ideas and coping strategies based on what your teen selects. You can find it here.  It seems like you've been really proactive in seeking out support for your son. What do you think about the advice that his GP gave you to take his PC away from him? There's no right or wrong answer here, it's all about what you think will work best for your teen, but if you're leaning towards a more gradual approach, it might be useful to set up some 'screen-free family time' for a few hours each night or on weekends. If you set up a time at home where everyone is expected to stop using their screens, hopefully this might help ease him back into socialising and engaging with the family. And, if there's an expectation that everyone stops using their screens, this might help him to see that he's not being 'punished' or singled out. Do you think this could work for you and your family? ... View more

Hi @Parent-of-a-few , it can be really tricky to facilitate competitive group activities or sports with young children in a way that gives them a chance without it appearing as though you're 'letting them win'.  One useful trick can be to give the kids an advantage - whether it's giving them a few extra second before you're allowed to defend them, or giving them a head start in timed games. If you're keen to play a game like basketball without simply allowing your kids to win, you might consider giving them more points for a goal (e.g. Mum/Dad gets 1 point for a goal, kids get 3 points for a goal).  It might also be useful to consider what you're trying to achieve when playing these games. If you're looking for your kids to become physically active, toning down your natural abilities as an adult might be worth the reward. If you're looking to foster some healthy competition and hone your children's skills at different sports, you could tailor when you 'let them win' to the skills they've shown - if they've tried a new tactic or approach, letting them score a point can give them some positive reinforcement and reassurance that they're learning.  As Taylor mentioned, the likelihood is that as an adult, you're going to win these games if you play to the best of your ability, but keeping in mind what you'd like your child to get out of the experience may help you to go easier on them. If you'd like some more ideas around how to be physically active with your kids, the Raising Children Network has some great resources on fitness for young kids and how to get them involved in sports.  ... View more

Hi @zeejay and welcome, it's lovely to meet you  Your two daughters sounds like a lot of fun! I love what you've said about trying to trust your kids to make their own decisions, but also reminding them that they can always reach out to you if they need you. It can be hard to watch them go out into the world while standing back, but I'm sure they so appreciate you giving them the chance to try, fall and learn. We hope you find some other parents on here that you can relate to, and please feel free to make your own thread if you need any advice or you'd like to talk about anything in particular. All the best  ... View more

Hi @heli44 and welcome to the community! It's great to have you here  ... View more

Hi @Veronica789 , I can hear how difficult and painful this whole journey has been for you. It sounds like you're doing the best you can right now, but that perhaps you're feeling judged by your daughter and husband for struggling to cope. It seems like they both care a lot about your wellbeing and that they hold some fears about your epilepsy when you are out of the house, but you're totally right - you can't be expected to stay at home all the time and put your life on pause for fear that something might happen. You mentioned that your husband brought up the idea of trust with regard to your drinking. Can you think of anything that might help you to rebuild that trust? Is there anything specific that they need from you in order to feel like they can trust you again? I'm sorry to hear that self-help hasn't been particularly useful for you. If you feel like it might be helpful for you to get some extra support, DrinkAware has some fantastic resources and support services in the UK that you could try.  Please feel free to keep us updated @Veronica789 , you are not in this alone and we are here for you every step of the way  ... View more

Hi @Veronica789 and welcome to the online community! We're glad that you've reached out for some extra support. I'm sorry to hear that you feel like your daughter hates you, and that on top of that you're trying to manage epilepsy. Do you feel comfortable telling us a little bit more about what's going on with your daughter and how that's affecting you? Sending you all the best, we're here to listen  ... View more

Hi @ConfusedMomma78 , I just wanted to chime in and thank you for your thoughtful peer support here - it warms my heart to see the way that you have supported your son and accepted him with open arms. As an LGBTQIA+ young person myself, I can assure you that sometimes having one supportive adult in your life who accepts you for who you are can truly make all the difference.  That's such a great idea to reach out to your gay friends so that your son has other queer men to talk to and look up to. It sounds like you're really in tune with what his needs might be and that you're doing everything in your power to make sure that he feels supported.  I also wanted to check in and see how you are doing, @ConfusedMomma78 . I know that sometimes when a young person comes out to their family, it can come as a bit of a surprise or a shock, regardless of their attitudes towards their sexuality itself. Did you find it helpful to have a chat with your friends about what's been going on with your son?  ... View more

Hi @Karamel1994 and welcome to the online community!   I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling to relate to your son and that he is difficult to talk to. It sounds as though you're doing your very best to connect with him, but that it's been tough. You mentioned that he often thinks that people are angry with him - is this the main thing that makes communicating with him difficult? What does a conversation between the two of you normally look like?   You also mentioned that you've been trying to find help for your son but that it doesn't seem like anything is working. Is your son seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist? I can see that you're not based in Australia, but SANE is a fantastic service we have here that's designed for adults who are struggling with their mental health. While your son wouldn't be eligible to user their online forums, they have some fantastic resources and fact sheets that might be useful for him, or even for you as his parent.    I can hear that trying to connect with your son has been a tough experience for you, especially if you feel like nothing is working. Is there anyone in your life that you're able to talk to about what's been going on? What kind of things have you been doing to look after yourself while you're trying to support him?  ... View more

Hi @savemysleep and welcome to the online community!   I'm sorry to hear that you've been having so much trouble getting your daughter to sleep lately, it sounds like it's been a really exhausting month for you. You mentioned that your daughter used to be a really good sleeper up until recently - has any part of her routine changed, or has it just started out of the blue?   Our service is usually designed for parents of teens between 12-18, so our resources may not be particularly useful for you given that your daughters are so young. However, the Raising Children Network has some fantastic resources on parenting younger children which you might find helpful. They have a whole section here on getting toddlers to sleep, so feel free to give it a read. Alternatively, if you feel like chatting with someone directly, the Pregnancy, Birth and Baby hotline (1800 882 436) gives you the chance to speak with a maternal child health nurse if that sounds like something that might interest you.    Hang in there, @savemysleep. We hope that you're stealing small moments to look after yourself where you can  ... View more

Hi @EmilyJ , thanks for reaching out! Sorry it has taken us so long to get back to you.   I can definitely understand your hesitation about letting your daughter get involved in the fundraising event at her school. While a pie-throwing contest does sound like it's intended as a bit of fun, I can see how this situation could make a young person feel pretty isolated and humiliated if they didn't feel as though they were in on the joke or if it seemed as though their peers were ganging up on them.   How is your daughter feeling about the event? You mentioned that she was a bit nervous, which is certainly understandable. Does she get along well with the other students at her school? It sounds like she's a great kid who is really getting involved and giving her best at school, so I know that sometimes tall poppy syndrome can rear its ugly head when someone is doing well.   It sounds like you're doing a great job of balancing your own expectations and fears for the event with your daughter's desire to get involved and give it a try. I'm sure she really appreciates you giving her the chance to make the choice for yourself, which can be such a hard thing to do when you're concerned that your teen might have a bad experience. Are parents able to attend the event? If your daughter doesn't end up enjoying the event, do you have any ideas on how you might support her afterwards?  ... View more

Hey @LittleWren , thanks for sharing your experience here. It makes such a different knowing that you're not the only parent going through these things, and you've given some really great advice.   I'm glad to hear that sitting down with your son and letting him vent his frustrations and ask questions was productive, I'm sure he was grateful for the opportunity to be heard. I really like what you've said about parenting your kids differently because they are different people with different personalities - it can be so hard to grasp the reality of that as a teen, but good parenting really isn't a 'one-size-fits-all' experience!    It sounds like you're fostering really healthy relationships with money for your teens. It can be a tough transition when they realise that they have to pay for their own 'wants', but I know that once I started working for my own money, those fun outings with friends and little treats for myself felt so much more meaningful because I'd earned them. It certainly made me appreciate the value of money more.    How has your son responded to receiving less financial support from you? Fingers crossed he's able to find some work - what kind of part time work do you think he'd be interested in doing?  ... View more

Hi @FarGoneConcl    Just wanted to chime in and say it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job of supporting both of your sons and fostering a positive relationship between them, even if there have been some challenges along the way. While I don't have Aspergers, I grew up with a mental health condition and the same kind of tension that you're describing definitely arose between myself and my sister - it was hard for her not to feel resentful at times because I got a lot of my parents' attention and they always seemed to 'go easy' on me. Spending one-on-one time with my parents and getting a chance to voice her frustrations definitely helped her to recognise that she didn't resent me as a person, she just needed to feel like her problems and efforts were valid as well (which helped our relationship as siblings, too!).   You mentioned that you're not quite sure how to broach the subject of work with your eldest son without throwing him off even more. It sounds like he's got a tricky relationship with money, despite your best efforts to encourage him to develop some more financial independence. If you feel like it would be useful to you, here's one of our articles on supporting your teen to find a job. Although your eldest isn't a teen anymore, it sounds like there could be some useful tips in there for you nonetheless. Also, the National Autistic Society have some great resources for young adults who are on the spectrum and are seeking work, so feel free to check that out too.    How are you holding up with all this? It can be tough to notice your kids comparing themselves to one another and struggling to take those next steps into adulthood. Do you have anyone in your life to talk to about what's been going on with your sons? ... View more

Hi @LittleWren , I'm so glad to hear that you were able to have an open conversation with your son about the idea of experimenting with drugs and that it was well-received on his end. It sounds like the two of you communicate really well and that there's a lot of honesty between you.    I can completely understand your concerns and your hesitation to let him try any sort of substances, particularly if it goes against your values and if you hold concerns for how it might interact with his medication. It's incredibly difficult to balance the complexity of trying to keep him safe while also honouring what you believe and value, but it sounds like you're doing a great job of walking this fine line by setting clear boundaries about what you're willing to allow and what consequences will ensue in future.   Not a lot of parents would have the courage to create this kind of space for their teens to form their own conclusions about something as tricky as substance use, and I think it speaks volumes of your trust for your son and your compassion as a parent that you're allowing him to be an active participant in these kind of discussions. It's great that you had a chat with him about the possible side effects too, hopefully giving him this kind of information about the possible adverse effects of using drugs might help him to form his own opinion of whether it's a useful choice for him.   How do you think you'll cope during this 'one time' experience? Is there anything that you can do to look after yourself before or after to make your unease with the whole situation a bit easier to sit with?  ... View more

Hi @danluke_36 , it's really great to hear from you again. I'm glad to hear that your teen is communicating a little more openly now, that must feel like a big win (and a bit of a relief I'd imagine!).    That's a really tough situation that you've described with your teen's relationship with sport. It sounds like she's really pushing herself to an extreme level, and that she's not necessarily listening to what her body needs despite the fact that it's giving her some very clear signals to slow down. You mentioned that her swimming coach is a bit concerned for her as well, have you two spoken about her competitive drive and how it's affecting her?    You mentioned that her Dad was quite an active person and that they used to share this in common. I know she's not very open to talking, but have you ever spoken to her about the relationship her and her Dad had with sport? Based on what you've told us about her past, do you think she could be pushing herself because physical activity is something that connects her to him?    You also mentioned previously that your teen is still not a big fan of seeing a psychologist or the doctor. Is she still seeing anyone regularly? It sounds like she might benefit from exploring these problems surrounding sport with a professional, particularly if she's not able to put her finger on exactly why she's pushing herself so hard. If she's not up for talking with a clinician, how do you think she'd feel about seeking support from a more informal source, like a youth group, your local PCYC or even her sports team? It sounds like sport is really important to her, so perhaps the idea of listening to her body and looking after her physical health as a way of improving her sporting ability might resonate with her. What do you think?  ... View more

Hey @my2kidsrock , I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience and offering this great suggestion. It's so nice to hear that you were able to come up with a way to re-introduce your son to the people in your life and that this was a process you could share in together. I'm really glad to hear that most people surprised you and were accepting - unfortunately, there's always going to be people that can't quite wrap their heads around different expressions of gender, but it's comforting to know that so many people have made an effort to accept your son for who he is. Again, as I said to @mum70 , I'm confident that your support would have meant a lot to your son, and I really admire your commitment to being there for him as he goes through this journey - you sound like a really supportive parent.  ... View more

Hi @mum70 , I can completely understand that this would have been quite a shock, particularly if you were trying to manage and process difficulties with your husband's illness at the time. It's wonderful to hear that you have the space and capacity to support your child as much as possible now. As an LGBTQIA+ young person myself, I can say from experience that sometimes a parent's unconditional love can make all of the difference when you're grappling with who you are, so I'm sure that your support means a lot to him.    You mentioned that you've got a wedding coming up with your family and friends, and that this might be a tricky situation to navigate in terms of introducing them to your child's new identity. What options are you considering heading into this event? How is your son feeling about it?   @my2kidsrock has offered a great suggestion. Does posting something on social media feel like something that would work for you and your family, or is this a conversation you'd prefer to have in person either during or in the lead up to the wedding?   I also wanted to check in and see how you're coping with your child's transition. It can be tough to think of your child in a new way, even if they have your full support, so I hope that you're taking time for yourself to adjust to these changes. It sounds like you've had a lot going on with your husband too. Do you have anyone outside of your family to talk to about what's been going on?  ... View more

Hi @Hopesprings123 , thank you so much for sharing your story and some really thoughtful advice, I'm sure it will resonate deeply with other parents in similar situations and offer them some glimmers of hope that things can improve.   I love your advice about giving your daughter sour gummies when she's struggling to manage her emotions. As a young person who has struggled with panic attacks, I always carry a packet of sour lollies in my bag just in case - it really does ground you! I'm glad to hear that you've found some useful strategies to help your daughter cope in some really challenging times. From the way you speak about her and the difficult experiences you've shared together, I can tell just how patient and compassionate you, and sometimes having a parent like that can truly make all the difference.    I hope that you'll keep us updated on how you and your daughter are progressing, and that others will draw strength from your story  ... View more

Hi @Harleydog , I just wanted to follow up and say that I'm incredibly sorry to hear about what you and your daughter are going through. Seeing your child in so much pain can be incredibly traumatising, so I'm sure that the last few weeks of ED visits and trying to find another mental health facility have been both physically and emotionally draining. I'm glad to hear that your daughter is heading to another facility on Monday - hopefully they can provide her with the additional support she needs to continue recovering.    From what you've said, I can really hear how dedicated and reliable you are as a parent. Being there for your daughter seems to be your number one priority, even if it comes at the cost of your own health at times. I'm a big believer that you can't give from an empty cup, so I'm really glad to see that you've reached out to your GP and you're exploring other options to look after yourself while you're supporting your daughter. Is there anything that you can do at the moment, even if it's only for 5 minutes, that is just for you?    You mentioned the idea of homeschooling your daughter for a while to help with some of your financial stress and to give her a chance to recover at home. What would that arrangement look like for you in terms of your job?    You also mentioned that you're seeking peer support from other parents who have been in similar situations. We have definitely heard from other parents on this forum who have supported their children through a suicide attempt, so I hope that reading their stories and hearing from them will provide you with some hope. If you think it would be useful for you, Beyond Blue have also written a great guide on supporting someone on their way back from suicide, which has been created by people with lived experience of this very challenging situation.    Please feel free to keep us updated on how you're doing and know that we are here to support you while you're doing the tough and important work of supporting your daughter  ... View more

Hi @lostmom2 and welcome to the online community. I'm so glad that you reached out for some support as it sounds like it has been a very lonely experience trying to come to terms with your child's new identity.   I'd like to start off by saying that your feelings of concern, grief and loss are absolutely valid. You can definitely love and support your child as a transgender woman, and still feel a strong sense of loss for the young man that you knew, raised and loved. I don't personally identify as transgender, but I do identify as a lesbian and am a proud part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I know that when I told my parents about my sexuality, I was asking them to reconsider, and in some cases completely change, the visions of my future that they had been imagining for me since I was a child. They loved and supported me, just like you have loved and supported your daughter, but I would not blame them for a minute if, in their own minds, they held fears and concerns about what my future might look like and how I would be perceived by the rest of the world. It is okay to need time to adjust. This does not make you a bad parent.    I can hear from what you've said that you're unsure and have some questions about your daughter's gender identity, specifically how she could feel like a male throughout most of her upbringing and then suddenly have these feelings change. I know for some people it can take a lifetime to discover their sexuality or gender identity. Sometimes they may not be aware of how to describe what they're going through, or they may suppress these feelings out of shame. Have you considered talking to your daughter about your confusion? Perhaps she will be able to answer these questions for you or shed some light on what that her journey of discovering her gender looked like?   From what you've told me, it sounds like you're an incredibly caring and protective parent who has strived to give their child every opportunity possible to receive a good education and build a career for themselves. I can also hear that you tried very hard to make sure that your daughter felt supported and accepted when she came out, and that rejecting her is simply not an option for you. That's truly heartwarming to hear. At the same time, I can see that holding in your fears and concerns has taken a real toll on your own mental health and that you're struggling immensely with trying to process this huge change. Do you have anyone to support you while you're trying to be there for your daughter?    I'm so sorry that you feel as though you've been going through this experience alone. We have certainly heard from other parents in similar positions who are raising transgender young people, so hopefully you're able to find some connection and solidarity within our online community. Please know that you are not alone, and that it's okay to hold space for both positive and difficult emotions in this process.    (P.S. Keep an eye on your inbox, we'll send you an email to check in shortly  ) ... View more