Hi @fightfordads and welcome to the forums - we're glad you joined the community. It's clear how deeply you love both your daughters and I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so much pain over your relationship with your younger daughter.  Do you have an agreement about your contact with your daughter or a co-parenting plan? There's some information on our website about co-parenting plans, as well as about handling conflict with your ex-partner that might be helpful. Raising Children network also has some good information on co-parenting.   I hope this helps - please feel free to post here any time if you need to talk. ... View more

@Monkey00 welcome to the forums - we're so glad you've joined here for support. That sounds like a really hard situation with your adult children and their use of alcohol and drugs. I think it can be really a particularly tough thing to know how to support young people with substance issues as there are so many emotions and challenges involved. We have some helpful information on our website about drugs and alcohol in case it's useful.  Do your children have any professional supports they can turn to? If not, do you think they would consider it? I'm really sorry to hear you're not feeling supported by your husband - do you have anyone else you can talk to? We're here to support you - please feel free to post here any time.  ... View more

Hi @Dimes and welcome to the ReachOut forums I empathise that you must be feeling worried about your son right now. It's been a very tough time for young people with a lot of uncertainty and it can be hard for parents to see their young people making concerning choices. We have some information on our website about drugs and how to talk about them with young people that might be useful. This sounds like a really stressful time for you - do you have access to support for yourself? We're glad to have you as part of the forum community - please feel free to post any time.  ... View more

Hi @kweir and welcome to the ReachOut forums - thank you for sharing your worries with us. I'm sorry to hear your daughter is having such a hard time with sleep. It's not uncommon for young people to have issues with sleep, and there are some tips on supporting a young person with sleep issues here in case it's helpful.    I can hear that you're feeling concerned because your daughter just came back from a long trip away with her dad's side of the family. Has she gone on a big trip with them before or struggled with emotions or sleep after visiting her dad before? Transitions and change can be tough on young people, so perhaps she just needs some TLC.   You know her best, so if you feel there's more to it than that, do you think it would help if she had someone outside the family to talk to (eg. a school counsellor)? It sounds like this has been really worrying and stressful for you too - do you have anyone you can seek support from? ... View more

Hi @Monaeblue  and welcome to the forums, we're glad you joined. I think it’s really helpful that you’re asking these types of questions and reflecting on how to navigate things in the best interests of your child.     I think this is a situation where only the people involved can really decide what's best for them. Does your child want photos with you and your ex-partner together? Are any new partners okay with that, or will it create conflict? If it’s something your child would like and everyone feels okay about it, then I think it’s a really positive thing to be able to put your child’s wishes first for such a special occasion.   There aren't any rules around what's okay and what's not - it's really about working out what works for all of you, and most importantly how best to support your child. I really hope all goes smoothly and your child enjoys their prom.  ... View more

Hi @Gordi and welcome to the ReachOut forums. I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges your son is having with not wanting to go to school. There are some helpful threads on our forums and information on our website  about school refusal that might be worth looking at if you're interested. I notice you mentioned that your relationship with your son's dad was violent and toxic - that sounds really traumatic and it must have been a lot for you both to manage. Can I ask if you or your son have any support with that? If not, do you think he'd be interested in talking to a service like kids helpline or maybe seeing a GP for a referral to a counsellor or psychologist?   Re: mentoring programs, they can be a great option. This is the link for big brothers big sisters - if you think it would be helpful, it might be worth getting in touch with them to have a chat about what they offer. I'm so glad you came to the forums for support - we're here any time you need to talk. Please feel free to start your own thread if you'd like to. ... View more

Hi @Lyssygirlsdad, you sound like such a caring parent and it's really protective for young people who are at risk of suicide or self harm to have someone so involved and attentive in their lives. It's not easy confronting topics like this as parents, but your plan sounds like a good one to broach the subject quite directly. With regard to kids helpline, in case it helps, it is also possible to ask for the same counsellor again. I've heard some young people say they've found it helpful to be able to connect with the same person. As another option, have you considered perhaps taking your daughter to see a GP for a referral to a psychologist or similar? It sounds like your daughter really valued your time and attention doing activities that were fun and important to both of you last night - that sounds really special. ... View more

@Lyssygirlsdad I'm so glad you reached out here on the forums. It can be so hard to know how to support a young person who is having thoughts of self harm or suicide, and it's very worrying as a parent. The fact that you are supportive and you're trying to seek information is so helpful. In terms of your daughter talking about dying or searching for information about self-harm online, it is certainly a risk factor, so it's really positive that you are taking it seriously.  We have some great information on our website about self harm and suicide, and about how to have a conversation with a young person about suicide. I'm wondering - does your daughter have any professional support (eg. from a psychologist)? If not, do you think she'd consider seeing someone and/or calling a helpline such as kids helpline when she's in distress? ... View more

Hi @Missm12 welcome to the ReachOut forums! I'm hearing that this is a really tough time for both you and your daughter. Do you have any services or supportive people around you who can help - for example, are there any family or friends who your daughter has a good relationship with who might be able to offer both of you some time out?   Being a sole parent and a parent to a child with trauma and/or disrupted attachment requires a lot of resources. Do you have any support specifically for you - for example: services that can help, other adoptive parents you can connect with, or a counsellor you can debrief with? Re: Communicating with your daughter, we have some great information on our website here that might be helpful. I've also heard that therapeutic parenting can be helpful for children with trauma or disrupted attachment.  It takes a lot of courage to seek help, and I'm so glad you did. ... View more

Hi @Scoops I'm glad you posted.  One thing that stands out to me from your post is that you've mentioned that you would like your family to reconnect and do some family activities, but your daughter wasn't looking at you and didn't give input into the conversation. I'm wondering what she might have been thinking or feeling at the time? Is there anything that draws her out of her shell when it comes to conversations? For example, what do you think she would do if you were to ask for her ideas on how to improve things, or invite her to talk about what she's feeling or thinking? Would she generally be open to sharing her thoughts? ... View more

@danluke_36 I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, you're doing an amazing thing in being there for this young girl who has lost both her parents.  I just wanted to let you know I've edited out names in accordance with our guidelines. You've taken on such a lot and your love for and devotion to your child is so clear. Do you have any support around you? It sounds like your child has significant trauma, having lost both her parents so young. It can be challenging to know how best to support children who've experienced trauma - its impact is heartbreaking. In terms of supporting her, many people who are caring for children with trauma find therapeutic parenting approaches to be helpful - if you're interested in reading more about it, this is a nice summary of what therapeutic parenting is about. She may not seem to have responded to counselling or psychology appointments well so far, but I would highly recommend persevering. It sounds like you're doing all the right things in supporting her, but this sounds like an issue that's best addressed with professional help. Do you think she'd be open to trying again with counselling? If so, I'm wondering - have you tried any professionals who are experts in selective mutism? I'm not an expert and I don't know if it's what your child has, but a professional with experience in that area might be a helpful place to start.  I'm so glad you posted here on the forum - we're here any time you need to talk. ... View more

Welcome to the forums @Scoops, I'm so glad you're here. I just wanted to let you know that I edited some of your post in accordance with our guidelines.  It sounds like you're going through a really worrying time as a parent. It's obvious how much you love your daughter and how much you want to keep her safe and healthy. The teenage years can be so hard for young people and for parents... there are so many pressures on young people, and it's really hard to navigate knowing how best to support them. I really feel for you both. There's some great information on our website about peer pressure, about supporting young people and about supporting teens with their sexuality that might be helpful. In terms of your concerns re: the images and content on her social media, that sounds so upsetting for you. Sexting is certainly an issue that many teens don't realise is risky and there may be some helpful information on the eSafety website.  It's very normal for teenagers to want to assert their independence, but it's still not easy when the paths they choose end up different from the ones their parents might have imagined for them. It's obvious how fiercely you love your daughter over and above all the worry you're feeling and I think that's so important.  Please post any time - we're always here to listen. ... View more

@Rick76 firstly I just wanted to let you know I’ve added a trigger warning to your post in accordance with our guidelines so people who may find the content upsetting can scroll past.   I also wanted to say that I think it takes so much courage to reflect on this situation and to post here seeking advice. It sounds like things have been so stressful, confusing and challenging for you. I think many parents would empathise about how frustrating it can be to have to ask someone so many times just to clean up after themselves. I'm embarrassed to remember how little I contributed to the household myself as a teen. It's not easy for parents. Here is some information on blended families and managing conflict on our website in case it’s helpful.   I’m hearing that there are some really complicated dynamics happening and this is very upsetting for you and your family. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so alone in all this. I’m wondering, do you think it would help to have someone objective to talk to? If so, Mensline or 1800RESPECT have 24/7 phone and online counselling if you’d like to talk to them. Relationships Australia also offer some great services. We’re here to offer support, so please feel free to post again any time. ... View more

Hi @alisakina I'm really glad you felt able to post here on the forums. As a parent myself, I would personally speak with the school about this to try and help make the decision clearer. For example, I would be likely to ask the school things like: - how closely do they supervise children with small items - whether the small toys are kept out of reach at other times - what training the staff have in terms of First Aid and managing emergencies - is the school happy for a 2.10 year old child to attend the 3-6yr old class - do they feel there are any safety risks I'm sure you will have your own questions - these are just some examples. As your daughter's parent, you know her best so with some more information, I'm sure you will be able to make the best decision for her, with advice from the school.  If we can help in any other way, please feel free to post again. ... View more

Dear @Susannah16 thank you for sharing your story with us, it sounds like you’ve really been through a lot – I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents and for the stalking you experienced. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you. Although there can be many contributing factors to BPD, they’re very different for each person and for some people there may not be any obvious ones. As parents, it’s tempting to look to ourselves as the source of our children’s issues, but I think it’s important to be kind to yourself. You’ve been through so much and even if there were times where you weren’t able to be fully present, all that means is that you’re a human being. It’s obvious how much work you’ve put into trying to support your daughter. I’m wondering, do you have support for yourself? Would something like a carers support group perhaps be helpful so you can connect with people in a similar situation? Carers4PD and BPD Carers Group are some examples, but there are likely to be many more. I’m so sorry to hear about the disagreement you and your daughter had recently, it sounds like it was really upsetting for both of you. It can be tough to navigate relationships sometimes, especially as people with BPD may go through extremely painful feelings of rejection or invalidation that can be hard to understand, but that are very real for them. It sounds like you’ve both worked to repair your relationship in the past when there were problems. I’m wondering what helped before? ... View more

Hi @JOANIE, that sounds like such a stressful situation for you and your son - this is such a tough time for parents and young people. Is your son in year 12 this year? If so, I imagine he must be feeling particularly stressed having to go through lockdown right now. I feel for you both and I'm so glad you reached out for support. What a difficult time to be going through for all our young people. I think many of them are worrying not just about today or next week, but also about what their futures will look like.  It must be so hard trying to navigate this with your son and trying to work out how best to support him. My guess is that he knows that not doing his school work is going to have a negative impact on his studies, so his reasons for avoiding it must be really significant - I imagine it must feel impossible.  Does the school know that he’s struggling to manage his work at the moment? If not, do you think telling them might be an option? Often schools are able to offer supports or special consideration if young people are struggling. If they already know, have they been supportive? I’m wondering, do you think your son would be open to talking with you and/or someone at school (eg. the school counsellor) about what it is that makes school work feel so hard right now, and what he thinks might help with that? If your son isn't too keen on talking to people in person, would he consider something like Kids Helpline or ReachOut’s Youth Forums? In case they're useful, we also have some great resources on our website about helping teens who don't want to go to school, what to do if a teen doesn't want help and supporting teens during coronavirus.   I hope your son is able to access some support with this as it sounds so upsetting for him, as well as for you. Please feel free to touch base here any time - we're always here to offer support.   ... View more

Hi @Izzysmum I’m so glad you reached out for support. It sounds like it’s been a really long and tough journey for you and your daughter to this point, I'm so sorry that's the case. It looks like you might be from outside Australia - as we're an Australia service, I'm a bit limited in the suggestions I can offer, but I want you to know we're here for you and we care. Have you been linked in with any support services by the organisation that helped arrange your daughter's diagnosis? If not, it might be worth starting by asking them if they can suggest any services in your area that offer supports to young people with autism and their parents or carers. Otherwise, perhaps try searching the internet for autism specialist services and/or support groups in your area. If there's anything we can help with or if you just need somewhere to talk, please feel free to post any time. ... View more

@Oreo1976 I’m so glad you posted here on the forums for support. I can sense in your words how much sadness you’re feeling right now. It must have been quite a shock to find out that the things your daughter had been telling you weren’t an accurate reflection of what’s happening for her. It sounds like you’ve worked really hard to maintain an open and supportive relationship and this must have been a really painful situation for you. I'm a parent to teens myself and it's not easy sometimes; these can be such confusing times for young people too - there's so much pressure on them from so many different directions.   I’m wondering – do you feel it would help to have a conversation with your daughter? I imagine she’s feeling quite embarrassed right now as well. There are some great tips about connecting and communicating, and sex and teenagers on our website that might be useful. Also, I’m not sure if you have any concerns about your daughter sharing images, but there is some good information on the esafety website about sending images and sexting.   I really hope you and your daughter are able to heal and repair your relationship and we’re here for you any time you need to talk. ... View more

@Midwestmom I’m sorry for the delay responding to you about this – it sounds like it was such a stressful situation for you. How are things going now? I really hope all has improved. I wanted to say how impressive it is that you were able to take a step back and look at what happened and reflect on your actions, and to have the courage to say you regret your response to the situation. Please don’t be hard on yourself – everyone is capable of doing or saying things in the heat of the moment that they regret later, and it sounds like you were feeling very upset and protective of your daughter. I think it is great you can acknowledge that with the benefit of hindsight it perhaps wasn’t helpful to your daughter to respond that way – recognising those things is the first step on the path to better things in future. In terms of working on the relationship with your daughter, there are two lovely resources here from our website on supportive parenting and how to say 'sorry'. The second one is directed more at young people, but it has some great tips on how to apologise that might be helpful. I’m also wondering if there’s any chance you might consider something like accessing some family counselling with your daughter if she’s open to the possibility? Or if not, whether individual counselling might offer you a chance to talk through your feelings with someone objective who can help you to work out your plans for a way forward. I really hope things have improved with your daughter since you posted this, but please feel free to post here any time you need somewhere to share what’s happening for you. ... View more

@Trackle I’m so sorry to hear how hard things are for you. I can hear the grief when you say that this isn’t what you imagined your life to be. You have done an incredible thing in trying to keep your sister’s children together, but it’s also an incredibly difficult thing and your feelings and wellbeing matter. I know it’s a cliché, but it’s so true that we can’t help other people put their gas masks on unless we have ours on first. You are the centre of your family and you need to be okay in order for everyone else to be okay. You’ve been caring for everyone else for four years and that takes so much strength, but it’s okay to say it’s hard and I’m so glad you reached out here for support. This is a safe place for you to share your feelings whenever you need to. Do you have much support from friends, family or professionals for yourself or with the children? I know you said that your sister’s children are adopted now, and I’m not sure what that means where you are from, but are you able to access anything like post-adoption support services that might be able to help? I hear what you're saying about these being typical behaviours for teenagers to a certain extent. As Wellif so insightfully said, communication between parents and teens is often hard. In case it’s helpful, here is a link to some information about communicating with teens on our website. At the same time, your nieces and nephews have been through trauma, loss and abandonment, so they will have additional challenges to face that mean navigating life is harder for them, and therefore it’s harder for you too as their adoptive mum.  Please don’t feel there is anything wrong with you for feeling this way. It sounds like you might be suffering from compassion fatigue due to caring for so many people, and perhaps not receiving enough care yourself. Is there any way you might be able to take a break somehow? For example, could you carve out a set time in your week that belongs only to you so that you can do something you love that nurtures you? One thing that some parents caring for children with disrupted attachment and development trauma find helpful is therapeutic parenting. I’m not sure if it interests you, but if it does, this website has some introductory information about therapeutic parenting in case it’s helpful. I’m not sure if these thoughts are helpful but I just wanted to say we care and we’re here for you - please feel free to post here any time. ... View more

Hi @Grandparent15 I imagine it would be very worrying to know that your grandson is meeting up with older women and isn’t being honest about it. Can I ask – how does your grandson know these two women and what is it specifically that’s worrying you about him seeing them? Has he mentioned what they do when he spends time with them? I’m wondering if you would feel comfortable to ask him more about it – for example, could it be that they share a common interest? I’m so glad you reached out here on the forums with this – we’re here to support you. ... View more

@Fightingback  I’m so sorry to hear about all you’ve been through in terms of the domestic violence and damage to your relationship with your daughter. It must have been incredibly hard, and I’m in awe of your strength and your desire to protect your child. It must have been very stressful to be served a recovery order as a result of trying to keep your daughter safe; sadly this isn’t an uncommon situation.   Can I ask if you are linked in with a specialist domestic violence service or caseworker? If not, I would highly recommend trying to link in with one in your local area as they will be able to offer advice and support that is specific to where you live. If you need help to find an appropriate service, 1800 RESPECT, Safesteps or the DV Resource Centre should be able to help with advice.   Unfortunately we aren’t able to offer legal advice, but have you tried contacting services such as the Family Advocacy and Support Service, Women’s Legal Service or a Community Legal Centre? These services should be able to help with advice on ways forward for you in terms of accessing legal support.   I’m so glad you reached out here on the forums – this is a safe space for you to share your worries so please feel free to post here any time. Do you have anyone close to you who you can lean on for support right now as well? Thinking of you and wishing you all the best through this very stressful time. ... View more

@Soconcerned that sounds so stressful for you. How are you feeling about the possible police involvement with your daughter? I imagine it must be a very worrying time.  It's so courageous of you to share your concerns and reach out for support. When you say you're in 'shake the baby' mode, can I ask what you mean? It sounds like this might be feeling beyond what you can manage right now - is that right?  If so, do you have anyone you can lean on for support? ... View more

@indigorain I'm so glad you've posted on the forums for support. It's clear how deeply you love your child and how much pain it's causing you that your relationship isn't what you hoped it would be, especially when you felt so close to your child before. I can only imagine how much it must hurt not to have open and positive communication with your child. Do you have anyone in your life who can support you or offer a listening ear for you through this hard time? I wanted to ask - in your post you mentioned that your child was "bashing you" when you were prepping for the party. Can I clarify - was this physical or verbal? Do you have any fears for your safety now?   In terms of your child questioning their gender identity, we have some great information on the ReachOut website that may be helpful about supporting a transgender teenager and open and approachable communication. It looks like you're in the US - we're an Australian based service, but we also support international parents. Would you like me to make some suggestions of US-based services that might be able to offer further support?   I'm conscious that there are a lot of challenges you're facing and I haven't addressed all of them, but if you would like to talk more about anything, please feel free to post. ... View more

@Mominpain I’m so sorry for your pain, this is a very hard road to support your child through. Do you have support and people you can talk to? I’m so glad that you’ve reached out for support here on the forums. It's really protective that you have helped your daughter to access professional supports and you're working so hard to be there for her and to keep her safe.   You mention that your daughter is staying with her grandparents right now. Can I just check in about whether she is safe there? Do her grandparents know of the concerns you have and your daughter’s struggles with suicidal thoughts?   Knowing how to talk to teens about issues such as suicide is never easy, especially when they're struggling to share those thoughts with you. We have some great resources on the ReachOut website that might be helpful if you're interested in reading some more about supporting your teenager to manage suicidal thoughts, how to talk to your teen about suicide and about social media and teenagers.   I hope this is helpful and please feel free to reach out here any time - we're here for you. ... View more

@Loz123 I’m so sorry to hear things have been so challenging for your family lately. It sounds like your stepdaughter is having a really hard time with school and social issues. When you say she’s ‘not caring’, what do you think might be happening for her? Do you think it’s possible she could be feeling depressed or anxious?   I really feel for you when you say you feel caught in the middle between your partner and stepdaughter. When your partner struggles to cope and loses his temper, that sounds really intense. Do you think your partner and stepdaughter would consider either individual or family counselling?   We're so glad you were able to come here and share what's happening for you, it can be really hard to ask for support. This is a non-judgemental and safe space for you to chat about what's happening, and we are also happy to help you find professional support if that's something you'd find helpful. ... View more

@Clare123 it sounds like you approached things in such a sensitive and caring way with your daughters and I'm so glad that they were receptive and the conversation went smoothly.  ... View more

Hi @Clare123, I just wanted to see how you're doing? I can hear how upsetting it was for you to find that your daughters had written a burn book. You mentioned that you believed your daughters were kind people, which says to me that they must have shown themselves to be kind before, and that this seems out of character. Is that right? If so, then I wonder why they have done this? I find with my own teens that if I can manage to hold back my worry or judgement and approach them with curiosity, sometimes it helps them not to respond with defensiveness, but rather to look at their own behaviour and the reasons behind it. Do you think being curious could help with your daughters? I also wanted to share some resources from the ReachOut website that may be helpful in your situation, they include some great tips on bullying and modeling positive ways of relating to others.  I hope these are helpful, and please feel free to touch base here on the forum any time. ... View more