Hi there, Thanks so much for you support....it's been a very emotional couple of weeks. I have spoken to her school and teacher:) Everything came to a head last week . I received a text from her saying "mum I need you", "I need a hug, the girls at school are being really mean". That is not a normal text my daughter would send so I jumped in the car and picked her up from school and when I sat down and she poured her heart out to me about feeling very alone and isolated at school and felt like she had no friends that she could talk to or trust. Its a very small school so you are pretty much stuck with what you get and my daughter has always been feisty and knows her own mind so sometimes friendships can be a challenge. She feels like she cant chose her friends because of how small the school is and she can't get away from the girls when the are being catty and mean. She is not a follower or leader so she gets frustrated. They are subtle in their ostracising, a few of us parents have noticed it. Her friendships outside school are great. She asked if she could change schools, she has been asking all year but we kind of brushed it off. To show her that I was listening and supporting I made enquiries to another local school. A lot bigger and the process was pretty simple. This made her smile...I think it gave her a bit of hope. I then talked with her teacher and was in tears as I explained what my daughter was feeling. He had no idea but was very supportive and noticed she had been really down lately. In my daughters eyes changing schools was the only option she wanted. She didn't want to run away she said, she wanted to go to a new school to meet new people and be able to chose her own friend groups and experience new things a bigger school has to offer, she was just so tired of trying to stick up for herself and sick of the crap going on and she just felt alone and trapped. We all talked, cried and talked some more and looked at all of the options and pros and cons of moving school and asked her some tough questions, which she had really mature answers for, I was impressed, she has really thought long and hard about moving. We talked with her teacher and her principal and they were amazing and said we needed to do what was best for our daughter. I see this choice and incredibly brave, going from a tiny school to a massive school. We decided after much thought and talking to say yes and enrolled her and she started this week. She is so much happier so far, I don't have to drag her out of bed and she doesn't try and fake a sore stomach to stay home. She is up and ready and walks herself to and from school, which I think she is enjoying. I only noticed the self harm last night ....I knew what it was straight away as I have supported a few girls through this when I was teaching and when I called her on it she said it was the cat a few times then opened up and told me the truth. I didn't freak out or tell her to stop, I just asked her questions. She said she only tried it last week when things were at their worst at her old school and she said she didn't like it and didn't want to do it again.....do I believe her? I will keep an eye on it to see as I know how addictive it can be especially when things go wrong. As I processed everything it all just fell into place at how much she has changed over the last 6 months....she has gone from a vibrant, funny, sassy, competitive, confident, social girl with great self esteem and wouldn't take any crap from anyone to a unhappy, sad, sullen, moody, withdrawn and quite angry child whose self esteem and confidence has just plummeted and has no energy to stick up for herself anymore. She doesn't want to try things now for fear of failing, which is so not like her. It beaks my heart. We had put it down to hormones and the such but now realised we missed what was going on at school and I am devastated over that but also very grateful that she is talking to me and that we took the first steps in making her life a bit happier by moving schools. I would really like her to see someone to help build her self esteem back up but at the moment she is not open to talking to anyone and says she doesn't want to talk to strangers. How do I get her to go and see someone on her own, not forcing her. I am going to look at the email side on the above link and see if she would be open to that. Being on her ph all the time....we had a talk last night and are going to put some boundaries and limits on it. She said she is on a lot at the moment as she is excited that she met new people and enjoying texting. Still unsure what to do around this and we are mindful to tread carefully but at the same time not let her walk all over us. I know it is early days but it is great to see her happy at her new school, even though she is still being disrespectful to us some times. We as parents had to take a step back and look at ourselves too and needed to talk in a more calm manner with her instead of all yelling at each other which we have all done a lot of lately. I sat and talked with her last night and tried to be as calm as possible and not engage in arguments...if she tried to engage I just said "I don't want talk when you are angry like this, when you are calm and ready to talk we will" she calmed straight down and we talked. I adore and admire my daughter and how strong her personality traits are.(they can be challenging at times:)) It breaks my heart to see her self esteem so low, we just need to find the right tools and advice to build her back up again so you can regain herself or become and even better/stronger self.
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