I truly am having trouble dealing with trying to like my daughters boyfriend. Even went as far as to have a discussion with him about my concerns. He seemed open to discussing the concerns with me and stated that he understood. I explained to him that if he showed a true attempt to working on the issues that I had then I would be open to having better feelings towards him. He stated that he understood, however, within 1 week after our talk things just got worse..... I do not want this to affect my relationship with my daughter, however, it seems that the more I point out my concerns, it just pushes her to him even more. Alot of the reason I have the feelings that I do are due to my daughter telling me basically everything that happens between them. It makes it hard for me to hide my feelings regarding him. She will come home from spending a weekend with him and complain about everything that happened, tell me she does not think she can do it anymore, that she is not in love with him, that she suspects she only deals with him to avoid being alone, but then will turn right around the next weekend and go back to him. It is so confusing for me. So you will understand, my concerns are: 1) He is 23 years old with no vehicle. He either borrows his fathers truck or Ubers to work or anywhere he goes, unless, of course, my daughter drives them. Ugh! Red Flag #1 for me. Now keep in mind the reason for the no vehicle from what I have been told is due to an old DWI that he finally just now went to court for that occured in 2015.......what? 2 1/2 years ago and he is just now taking care of it! To top it off and this is what my daughter told me that he told her. He was drunk and hit a tree in his car.....and then RAN FROM THE SCENE. Told my daughter the reason he kept getting his lawyer to push back the court date is due to the fact that he is going to go into court with the "I was not driving" plea and for them to prove that he was the driver of the vehicle! WTH?! Are you kidding me?! Okay, so right off the bat, i'm like - NO....poor character. So of course, this was a HUGE Red Flag for me and made me not like him at all! I do realize he was young and probably scared when this happened, but, in life, we still must own up to our mistakes and deal with them. So, also in my mind, i'm thinking, okay,so now you are driving my daughters car with a DWI on your record, you are NOT on our Insurance policy, so what happens when you wreck her car? You going to run again?! I have tried to talk to the both of them regarding that it is not a good idea for him to be driving her car, but neither one of them seem to want to listen to what I have to say. They both seem to act like they know better than I do. I am so MAD at him for putting her in that position. To me that is NOT caring about her or her wellbeing to do that to her. He does offer up money for the gas from time to time.....but that still will not be enough should he have an accident in her car. I asked my daughter if she had ever discussed with him if in the future he planned to purchase a car. She told me that he said no....as he does not want the added expense! Are you kidding me! So your the man in the relationship, however, you are just fine to have your woman drive you around for how long? All due to the fact that you do not want the added expense on yourself of a car payment?! Then, he barely has a job. Works 3-4 days a week and sometimes not even that, because he spends alot of time taking days off to be up my daughters behind to see what she is doing all the time! He finally went to court within the last week for the DWI. Apparently they gave him two options....community service (picking up trash by the highway) or he can sit in jail for a period of time and have the DWI come off his record. My daughter states he has not said which one he has chosen to do yet. But this guy literally said to me that he understood all of my concerns and that he is trying to work on his issues and that I need to get to know him better. HA! Really! So far son, not doing to well. Anyway, the other issue is that due to his lack of working very much, of course, he also does not always have money when they go to do things, however, he is very tricky in how he gets her to go out, by telling her let me treat you to dinner to help you relax from the week, however, when my daughter gets to the restaurant and the bill comes to the table he will tell her "oh, I dont get paid for another few days, so then she has to pay. He knows her financial situation is not great, I mean its not horrible, but still, In my eyes, this is so lame of him! He knew before he asked her to go to dinner he didnt have the money. Now he does pay her back sometimes, but still she should not have to pay in advance and get paid back later. Another RED FLAG! He is just a PUNK to me! But she keeps going back to him knowing all of this about him! I dont understand. She makes comments that she knows it will probably never change, that he brings nothing to the table, has nothing to offer and his future looks bleak at best, but continues to go back. She will also admit she does not want to be alone, and since noone else is blowing up her phone, she will just deal with it and that she knows she is settling for less than what she could possibly have. This is just so frustrating as parent to watch your child do this. I am so tempted to tell him to STAY AWAY from her, but I fear it will do nothing but cause her to run to him even more. Any Suggestions! Please help! My heart is breaking to watch this.
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