sorry i am late to the convo (& apologies if this has been asked/answered before, just point me in the right direction if it has) . . . this sounds great.  what format does it take?  is it text only interaction or does it use another format/software?  do we register for it? i reckon 7pm may be a touch early (dinner/dishes/homework/etc etc), is there a chance for other future sessions to occur a bit later when families are more settled and there is a bit more quiet happening, ie. after 8.30 for example?   ... View more

listening to you @Tootsjac.  i suspect i suffer from depression but havent yet done anything formally about it, probably should, so i appreciate hearing your thoughts & strategies.  my son is 12 and i am getting a glimpse into the future teen years and am listening attentively as i am seeing a bit of this (shutting down/internalising) creep in with him. it is a delicate dance i do with him to stay connected and keep lines of communication open & i need to get much better at it.  i do appreciate it when others further down the parenting journey are generous enough to say it how it is. thankyou.  sounds like you are doing a pretty awesome job to me even though some days i am sure it doesnt feel like it. <hugs> ... View more

frustrating! ... View more

interesting you bring this up.  i had this discussion with some friends the other day & came across this site: http://personalexcellence.co/blog/overcome-perfectionism/  it had some great stuff in it ... View more

my husband & daughter could care less about getting to places on time, my son & i like to be prompt.  makes for interesting convos trying to get out of the house! ... View more

sorry, this was in response to seaglecc giggling here! i remember my mother saying this about me ALL.THE.TIME.  i was rather proud of the fact that i knew well how to behave but didnt think i had to at home, cheeky, much! yep, and my kids do this too, call it karma ;) ... View more

ok, i'm in . . . . (and i know that 90% is probably pretty good, but this is the glass half empty post isnt it?!) the fact that they all (husband & kids) do things at a 90% capacity, meaning i still have to go around and complete the last 10% so realistically not much help at all (ie. i cant assume something is done so it still takes up mental space) urrrgggg! things not quite put away, ie. they are in the vicinity of where they belong but not actually where they are meant to be (so you know down the track it is going to be "muuuuuuum, where is XXXX?" because . . . partner & child selective blindness!) after meals the main items are put away but the chopping board is still filthy & the bench needs a wipe down the dishes are in the sink but havent quite made it to the dishwasher and so on and then if i ask them to complete the task they think i am being petty & nagging, sigh! PS and then my husband has the gall to say i dont ask for help! ha! ... View more

it has only been the past year or two that i have committed myself to making space for me-time & finding/re-kindling friends (for me!) this is a work in progress (and only possible now as my kids get older & are more independent - 12 & 15) . . . . cooking is my 'threshold' me space between coming home from work & fully engaging with the family chaos. i love making new & varied dishes, ie. thai, malaysian, aust/asian fusion & italian, full of fresh flavours & different ingredients that i buy from our local asian market. riding my road bike is my 'zone out & blow the cobwebs away' me space that i try to do 2-3 times a week.  either long distances or hills depending upon time & weather.  i have also made new friends thru bike riding and we head off for longer country day rides from time to time.  we have planned a week's riding adventure next march in tassie, cant wait!  i know it is very hard to do these sorts of things which demand time & separation when your children are young &/or older & dependent.  my heart goes out to those parents who dont have such easy privileges. i dont know what is in my family's future (things can change in an instant) but for the moment i am taking advantage of being able to do this, which i realise many others of us dont have. for many years me space was squeezed in-between everyone else's needs & work.  one thing that has helped is making a 'family' diary & making sure i reserve some time away from the house (riding of course!). we have also made thursday night our family co-ordination night so we make sure all of us put on the table our desires for the weekend to work out clashes & prioritise. doing this has also communicated clearly to my husband the family demands and he has stepped up to taking on board more responsibility for kids on the weekend.  (sorry for the long blurb :) )  do other parents have tips for making sure family gives them time & space to take care of themselves?   ... View more

love what you said @nellyblye :) ... View more

this is an excellent article, thanks! totally makes sense. i love the idea of making it social too. we arent really journal writers in our house but we have added this to our pits & cherries around the table every night. talking about gratitude & appreciation in the family context seems to be working both ways, we get to say how we appreciate each other (and others) & what we have together. going through the naming and owning of feelings & thoughts with others is a great skill to have. ... View more

ooooo, now this is a good topic.  our daughter is 15.5 (emotional age somewhere between 3-21 depending upon the situation that day, ha!) and our son is only 11.5.  we havent yet had to deal with anything too catastrophic so not sure how good any tips i have are. i guess for me (and i dont manage to do this often but i do work on it) the best tip has been about me maintaining my equilibrium & not buying into the drama/angst of the teen.  i try not to get wound up or let it trigger me, as i said easier said than done sometimes. that is not to say i dont show empathy (and plenty of it, validation is soooo important, no belittling or trying to smooth things over, no solutions immediately offered) but i believe we all need whomever we are talking to about things that are important to us to 'hear' us and to 'be' or 'sit' in that space with us.  this helps to calm both of us down and then we can re-connect and get to the heart of the matter.  sometimes this doesnt happen immediately, but after some time apart acalmly bringing up the issue again can work. am not sure i have articulated this very well. as i said this is more about day to day stuff not the really big stuff.  it must be really hard to go through long term issues and maintain your emotional and physical health, not to mention supporting a teen who is doing it tough.  honestly i think parents that can maintain a connection with their teen during these times are amazing and i admire you so much :) i would love to hear from those that have negotiated this longer term tougher terrain!   ... View more

just wanted to drop by and say thanks for the 'gratitude' post.  we have started off small and are beginning to work up to bigger stuff.  ie. i am grateful for the sun shining today, for my friend walking home with me, to i am grateful i dont have to worry about not having enough to eat, i am grateful we can afford xxxxx, and so on.  i love it when my kids start to recognise the bigger messy context of life . . . .  :) ... View more

thanks for posting the video, always love hearing from teens/young adults.  our kids clearly think about this stuff, comunication is so key isnt it?!  on another note . . . we have added a gratitude 'comment' to our 'pits & cherries' the past two nights at dinner and the kids totally got it, so thanks for heads up on this one (sorry cant remember who posted this but thankyou). ... View more

great idea.  we do the 'pits & cherries' review at the end of each day around the dinner table.  each person has to say at least one positive thing that happened to them, or they became aware of, that day and one negative/or least positive thing.  it often leads to some good discussions and gives us parents a better idea of how our kids day has gone. i would like to weave in the gratitude component as it would extend this nicely. thanks for the post :) ... View more

hi @Kiwiinoz, it is really hard moving when you are a teen. it happened to me and took me many years to sort through it all.  am probably still not totally over it all decades later, & that is ok.  i have found one of the most powerful things to do with anyone (friend/partner/son/daughter) experiencing some tough stuff is to sit with them in their space.  validation and being seen is so important.  i think sometimes we are so keen to help our kids that we try to "fix" things for them rather than "see" them where they are.  when the opportunity arises saying things like, 'yeah it really does suck being moved like that & loosing all your friends' and when she reminisces about NZ hear her feelings (not what you remember the facts as being) and reflecting her feelings - however negative -  back to her might start to help her re-connect with you.   when connection is made i find my kids are more willing to hear some strategies for moving forward. i have found avoiding judgement &/or correction helps us all open up to communicating further because you feel the other person is actually listening to you not shutting you down, i know how i react when someone says 'it is going to get better' etc, not so helpful really..  however, you may already being doing this so if you are please accept my apologies for my comments.  i love the other comments other posters ahve made about supporting your daughter to become involved in group activities.  one of the things i found did help me settle was becoming involved in weekend activities & making different groups of friends so i didnt focus on any one group too much & opened up my friendship base,  ie. became a member of the local life saving club & also the sailing club (with the whole family so didnt have to go it alone initially but made my own friends soon enough).  joining something as a family which may allow your daughter some support but also involving her with other teens may be another good option.  (sorry about going on but obviously this struck a chord with me personally ;) )  all the best, it is very hard going thru this as a teen along with everything else. ... View more

1. How old are your kids and what makes you proud of them? girl, 15.5, boy 11.5 they are inherently positive & happy, they see the good in the world & in people, they are sharing & considerate . . . and have waaaaay better people skills than me, i take lessons from them! 2. What led you to signing up to RO Parents? this came across my fb newsfeed and am always keen to check out any parenting support, provided it is about the kids first & foremost 3. Tell us more about your username - any special meaning?  nothing special, sorry, am too straight up to bother with pseudonyms 4. What's your number one way to relax? riding my road bike, long distances, hills, you name it, takes me away to another space :) 5. What was the worst and then the best parenting adivce you've got? kids do the best they can, apologise to them when you make mistakes, model the behaviour you want them to emulate (ha, easier said than done!) ... View more