Hi @missymoo13 , welcome to the ReachOut community! It takes strength to reach out for support, and your willingness to connect here shows just how resilient you are as a parent. It's clear that you care deeply about your children and their well-being.  I’m really sorry to hear about the challenges you and your family have faced and are currently facing. Dealing with family violence and the subsequent impacts on your children sounds incredibly painful and overwhelming, and I wanted to acknowledge your courage in facing such difficult circumstances. It's understandable to feel let down by systems that were meant to protect your family. Your commitment to self-care amidst these circumstances is admirable. Taking care of yourself, no matter how small the gesture, is crucial during tough times. Your tip for parents navigating the teenage years is insightful and reflective of your understanding of the importance of giving teens the space to grow and discover themselves. It can be really important to strike that balance between offering support and granting independence.  I encourage you to create your own thread here to share more about your journey and to connect with other parents who may be going through similar challenges. And I wish you all the luck in finding connection and support within the ReachOut community ... View more

My lovely, healthy children. My well-being. The ability to go my own way. ... View more

Right now I am not succeeding in the parenting department. I am also a MH professional. It is a whole different ball game when you can't hand them over and the empathy .. mine has long gone and I now parent using clinical skills bc I cannot cope. Did I wonder if I was doing the right thing by accessing my knowledge Like all I asked the other professionals all they could say to me is you are doing the best you can with the skills you have. You just cannot give out what you know longer have available. ... View more

Hi @LIALIA and thank you for your openness in sharing your experience with other parents. It sounds like your family has been through a lot, and looked at so many different ways to support your daughter not only with her mental wellbeing, but also with her education.    I really love the learnings you have for others, especially number 2: "Try not to blame ourselves (this is very hard)". I think that this list is going to be so helpful for other parents reading here who are going through the same things with the return to schooling. We often here parents feeling guilt and blame, and I am happy to see that self compassion was high up on your list, even when it is hard to do!   I can hear how much you love your daughter, and just how hard you have fought for her She is so lucky to have you in her corner! ... View more

Dear @compassion Thank you for touching words. It brings me so much joy to hear your girl is also doing well. It's so amazing to hear she repairing her family relationships and involved in school. Your not being naive....you know,we have teens andvtgey will make mistakes. But I don't sweat the small stuff that parents who haven't been down this road do. And I'm sure you are like me. We are in a place of gratitude it's an eye opener and lifts tgat heavy weight we've carried for the past few years. I sure hope parents reading this understand there truly is hope even when you can't see through the fog of complete desperation and brokenness. Thank you so much for your WONDERFUL update 😊 ... View more

Hi @vornez, thanks for sharing that with us. I had to edit the specific school out of your post, not in an attempt to detract from your experience but to protect your safety and anonymity. Some details I also edited out were instances of abuse, as we don't allow graphic descriptions of abuse as this can trigger other users in the community. I am sorry to hear that you had those experiences as a child. I do want to thank you for spending the time to detail that here as I imagine it would not have been easy for you to recount this experience. You are right in that bullying is a serious criminal act and should be treated as such. Like you have mentioned, bullying can have significant and long-term impacts on the person being bullied. Your approach towards bullying in schools will surely generate conversation on this forum about how we can improve this situation. Thanks for understanding, your insight and advice is valuable. If you would like to, feel free to make your own thread about bullying, your experience and any other suggestions you might have ... View more

Hi @Rachelee,   Welcome to ReachOut and thank you for taking the very brave step to make your first post.   I can imagine this is a really difficult time for you and your family right now.   So that you have some space to chat and tell us more about what is happening for you, would you be interested in making a new topic here. We would really love to learn more and see what we can do to support you    In the meantime, I would really encourage you to have a look at some of our parents resources on Anxiety and Depression here and take care of yourself too  We look forward to speaking to you more- we are here for you  ... View more

Thanks Jay-RO! Wonderful to find you guys... ... View more

I am sorry about violating the guidelines, it was not intentional. Thank you for editing.   My son is now open to the meeting and I talked with the psychologist what is going on regarding his trauma. Unfortunately the other counselor was not adequately equipped and pushed him away.    I see a therapist on the account on my own struggles with anxiety and depression. It has been really helpful. I also use meditation and audio subliminal sessions that helps me. I listen to them at night while I sleep and it makes a difference. Breathing exercises always help me to stay in the moment. ... View more

You're so right @amandanw social media adds layers of complexities and insecurities for our young people, how incredibly challenging for them. Just a heads up I edited the method of self-harm out of your post. We can use terms like self harm/hurt self but not the actual method as it may stir past trauma's for other members. You can read more in our community guidelines.  ... View more

Agreed @Zoesplace, spectacular photo and looks so good in black and white!   Thanks for joining in @Schooner! Being a member of the communty is the only requirement for participation so post away!  ... View more

Yes, @Sister, I agree with @taokat   Hope you are OK. It just seems so unfair sometimes. And it is. Keep going anyway :) Cheers ... View more

Hi there , we have been through this numerous times over the past year with our 15 year old son. I can understand how distressing this can be. I don’t know how your relationship is, but can I suggest that you keep using messenger to communicate with him, even though he is offline. And, really importantly, try not to make your messages judgemental. Believe me I know how hard that is when you just want to scream at them...but, we found we got the best results, replies, from him when we kept tone neutral and just said things like, checking in with you. Hope you are safe. Let me know who you are with and if , when you need a lift home. Cooking a roast on.....hope to see you then and hear how your trip went...   we we are having no end of trouble with our son, and we can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, but I have to say, when we keep tone neutral things are marginally better.   good luck police can certainly do a welfare check.     ... View more

Hi Nick-RO, I would love some ideas to help with this?   My 15 year old son has completely shut down communication with us. For 12 months now I feel little surprise at the next spectacular event that occurs, as I have found that a few days later it has become the new normal.    I am a problem solver. I gather all the facts and ideas I have and think an intelligent, thoughtful conversation with my son will get through. All the conversations have not made an iota of difference from what I can see.    It got to a point where there was no conversation. If even a minor comment was made or question asked, he would explode yelling, walk away and slam all doors on the way to his room.    Then I heard of the idea of the talking stick, I believe it was used by some indigenous North Americans. The person that held the stick was the only person allowed to talk at a meeting. All had to listen till the person holding the stick had said all they wanted. Then they choose who to pass it onto.    I applied this strategy firstly just with my son. When it worked, I got my wife and son to have a conversation using this technique. Of course, all parties have to respect the rule for it to work.    Unfortunately, this technique no longer works with my son. We are back where I try to have a discussion or conversation, he quickly starts yelling. Therefore we are back to no conversation.  We have become his AirBnB, he just does not pay and we can’t go online and give him a bad tenant rating.    There must be a vaccine for angry and yelling teenagers?! ... View more

Yes  darl,. They will make an appointment  with  you  on the internet     ...have a password..1  and a half hour first  ..you will see   a calendar   so you  can make an appointment  ... Sylvia ... View more

Hi @sangeeta, perhaps as others were suggesting it might be worth having an open conversation with him, more so about why he kept the phone, rather than the fact he had the phone. You might find out that the phone was actually his way of feeling connected to others or to socialise with others? ... View more

It sounds like you're doing everything you possibly can @unclejimbob   You sound like a very strong character and I'm glad you've found a space here to get some extra support. ... View more

I wonder, ConfusedDad, whether you could find some time to be alone with your wife over a cup of coffee and discuss your concerns. I mean discuss, not finger pointing and blame games. As I see it, the best way forward for your family is with the parents united so I think this is worth some effort. Above all don't criticize your wife in front of anybody, especially kids. Maybe you could have a private chat with your daughter too, depending on her maturity and willingness to talk to you. When mine was 15 she literally didn't talk to me from one week to the next unless she needed to access the "Bank of Dad". I think you're making good progress by recognising the problem and seeking answers. Good luck!! ... View more

I really appreciate your feedback @Sister, it's lovely, thank you    I'm sure they'll let parents know when the next intake is.  ... View more

Please report what the school Counsellor said to a higher authority. That was not an appropriate thing to say. ... View more

Love it @taokat!!   I haven't watched as much as I would have liked but I do try and snatch a couple of minutes here and there - I am the only sport fanatic in our house so I fit in a little bit of viewing when I can!   In saying that, I did make a point of staying up for the opening ceremony - I am a sucker for them - and I did get my partner interested in joining me for that as she was invested in checking out and commenting on the team uniforms :)     ... View more

It's such a horrible thing to happen and so sad. My daughter and I saw it come up on the news tonight and she was in her room in a flash. She doesn't cope well with these types of things. I let her have her space and when she came back out she was angry about the gun laws in the US and the attitude of politicians who won't make changes.     Having the gun laws we do here makes her feel safe in our country which is good. Luckily tonight was Gogglebox on TV which we love, so we enjoyed that.    I think communication is the key. Let them talk and listen to all they have to say, and acknowledge how normal those feelings are at a time like this.   ... View more

Thank you i will be calling them today cheers Russ ... View more

Parenting a middle child is a different ball game. I have resulted to learning psychology to help me with mine. I am learning a lot and it is the only thing helping with my sanity. Happy to chat with you. ... View more

Hi Sunflower?   How are you going with treating yourself well?   Are you practicing the Mindfulness?   Hope all going ok at home.   Sister ... View more

Hi there @kimiekim - thanks for the update really appreciate it!   It is really positive news that you are looking into counselling for yourself right now.  You have probably heard this saying before, but "you can't pour from an empty cup" - you can only be effective at doing your job as a carer if you are feeling strong and emotionally centred.  With all the stresses that you are dealing with daily it seems to me that your emotional cup could use a top up!   A local councellor for you could really add value to you both in terms of supporting you emotionally and helping you process how being in your situation is affecting your emotional responses to the issues that you face, but ideally also talk to you about practical steps that you can take within the home to communicate with your step daughter and work with her to set agreed-upon boundaries that will, in the long run, make day-to-day life much more manageable.   I was also really happy to hear that your step daughter is receptive to going to councelling and I am sorry that your experiences so far have not worked out.  In the long run, this might be a blessing in disguise.  From my own personal experience I needed time to find a councellor who was a good fit with me which took a while.  There are so many different types of support available and finding out what is best for her situation is really important so it might be a good thing that her first councellor realised that she needs a different type of support before going too far down that road.   I am hearing from your post that you are worrying about the kinds of things that your step daughter might talk about in her sessions.  To put your mind at ease this could be something that you bring up both with your own councellor or privately with your step daughter's councellor who might be able to talk you through what processes are in place to deal with situations like this? ... View more

Hey @Trunt68 and welcome to the forums!   That is an interesting question, and one which I feel like I might not have really considered in as much depth as I should have with my teenager.   We have had general conversations around pocket money as well as discussions with my teen about things that they want to buy for themselves and how best to budget and save for them but have never really discussed in-depth what financial management and planning is all about.    Aside from the fact that understanding and knowing about these issues is a really important life skill, is there anything that you have noticed in your life as a parent that has brought this issue front-of-mind?     ... View more

Hi @SASpurs67, just a quick bit of housekeeping: we have removed a link from your post. As part of our community guidelines we ask that people contact us here to ask permission before posting any links. We ask that you please do not edit your post to include links again, or we may need to remove the functionality that allows you to edit your posts.   Secondly, I can totally understand how hard it must be for you to discover that the openness and trust that you thought you shared with your son isn't always there. It is important that you talk with your son about this, and I really like @motherbear's idea of making sure that the chat is soft and casual. This will help your son to participate in the conversation and keep him from raising his guard and shutting down.   Please let us know how you're going. ... View more

I agree - absolutely stunning @Erin-RO! It would've been so hard to leave! ... View more

Awesome @Nick-RO! I'll be really interested to hear what you both think of it! ... View more