I'm 36 years old, have no friends, no money and my family decided to spend Xmas without me.  I can't talk to anyone in my circle about things like this, as literally no one cares.  Yes I'm fat, yes, I'm UN-empathetic, and yes, I'm a recovering drug addict.  Despite my flaws, I've never raped, stolen property or physically/sexually assaulted ANYONE, and yet, I'm seen as an outcast, event thou the people I'm supposed to be close to, know my mental illnesses and refuse to acknowledge them.    What am I supposed to do, I can't get a job (been applying for positions for 15 months now with only 1 interview I never heard back from), the Gov't doesn't seen to recognize my disability or disorder as something they should assist with, let alone pay for, and I have no one to talk to, discuss, or rely on when things go bad.  I have thought about suicide almost daily for the last 10 years, and as a former scientific technician, I know the best way to do so.  I won't elaborate here, but it is cheap, effective and painless.  The reason I haven't gone through with it yet, isn't because I'm a coward, and Isn't because I would disappoint my family, it is because I try, day in day out to improve myself, but after 36 years of trying with constant failure, it has become, like any business' fallback strategy, a way out.    I'm currently prescribed medication, and see no foreseeable future in which I can be productive under the current legislation and drug enforcement regulations while I am on such prescription medication.  I need help, but can't afford the 170 dollars an hour to see a psychiatrist or other phony doctor to see to my mental issues.   Thanks for reading, don't expect me to be alive to respond.     ... View more