Hey @reallyhartbreak, welcome to the forum. It's great that you've come to find out how you can better support your friends and their teens.
I think as @TOM-RO said, there are likely a lot of unknowns here and these situations are never black and white. I really feel for your friend and her transgender child, and it's so wonderful that she is in full support.
My daughter was bullied by a girl at school who was in the friend group and she was always hurt that her best friends still were friends with this girl. Bullies can definitely be 'friends'. She didn't say anything to them, but I can understand how They feel. I'm not sure I'd class Them as a bully for saying something though?
As a concerned friend, I think the best thing is to try to remain open minded and non-judgemental as these are difficult situations and I'm sure the parents are doing the best they can. Sometimes we need to let our kids work some of the difficult stuff out amongst themselves, and support them through the ups and downs.
I think parents have the right to decide how they choose to deal with sleepovers, but I wouldn't have a problem with a transgender friend continuing to stay over. Identifying as transgender doesn't change the personality of the person, nor the true friendships. At 12 They are still biologically female, so there's really not a difference in the physical regard.
It sounds like such a multi-layered situation and naturally emotions are running high as no-one likes seeing their kids or friends upset. Is there any way your two friends could get together and work out a way in which they can best support the kids through this?
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