I wonder, ConfusedDad, whether you could find some time to be alone with your wife over a cup of coffee and discuss your concerns. I mean discuss, not finger pointing and blame games.
As I see it, the best way forward for your family is with the parents united so I think this is worth some effort. Above all don't criticize your wife in front of anybody, especially kids.
Maybe you could have a private chat with your daughter too, depending on her maturity and willingness to talk to you. When mine was 15 she literally didn't talk to me from one week to the next unless she needed to access the "Bank of Dad".
I think you're making good progress by recognising the problem and seeking answers.
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