Hi @Nicole I can see how this change in behaviour is pulling on your heart strings. It can feel like your hands are tied. I agree with @PapaBill, not many parents would be able to talk to their sons about self harm or suicide so well done. It can bring their thoughts into the light and make them aware that someone is paying attention, even when it doesn't feel like it. I also agree that alopecia could certainly be a blow to his self esteem. Image is everything to these kids - even when we don't think so. How could we make it cool, I wonder. Often boys will listen to a trusted teacher or coach, you mentioned a martial arts activity. Maybe you can set them up to have an 'impromptu' talk. Maybe a yoga or meditation teacher can help and also be a step to going to a counsellor. The Reachout apps are great as well. Whilst thinking about suicide is relatively common, very few young people will actually attempt to take their own lives. There is a difference between having the thought and acting on it. However even having suicidal thoughts clearly shows someone is unhappy and needs help and support. It can be normal for boys to have thoughts about death and violence at this age and talk about it amongst themselves. It might even help to have you, or a 'father' figure, reflect on the thoughts they had at that age with him. This can help show how they aren't that different or weird. It is amazing how this can open up a conversation. Our eldest came home concerned about the number of boys in his school who were hospitalized due to mental health issues and when I listened, reflected on how scary it was, I also offered my experience with friends going through this. I didn't offer much until he was receptive but it became evident he appreciated that It became a long chat. (I might add that our best chats happen when we are doing something together like cooking dinner). However if your son has risk factors you will want to monitor more closely. Some risk factors that may contribute to a child's risk of suicidal thoughts and behavior include: A family history of suicide, depression, or other mental illness Loss of a close family member, friend, or classmate by suicide or other sudden death Threats or violence from peers Previous history of depression or other mental health illness Previous suicide attempts You can block concerning websites through your modem if you are really worried about what he is watching. Or even better, report them for higher censorship ratings. @PapaBill said I would suggest you keep talking with your son and making your concerns known. It is surprising how children can respond to a little love, respect and genuinely seeking to understand what is going on in their lives. Again - talking with them shows you care and love for them. Debriefing each day can be very helpful. I would add that it doesn't have to be at then end of the day. Sometimes they talk more after sleeping on it. It also helps if you educate them on how the teen brain works so they can explain why they feel certain ways. Professor Tony Atwood (Aspergers Expert) recommends exercise, especially yoga, to all boys. For your son this is martial arts but maybe he could benefit from a teen sport. If not a teen sport then maybe there is a group like Scouts or volunteering he could join. There is a great article about encouraging teens to contribute to help them feel worthwhile, loved, useful. Sending big hugs and positive thoughts your way.
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