Hey @Babycat ,  Thank you for responding so soon! I’d like to jump in here and acknowledging the efforts you have made not only to support your children but also supporting yourself during this time. It highlights your resilience and your determination which is absolutely incredible!  It sounds like you are going through a lot with your two eldest children, which I can hear is quite stressful for you understandably. This would be challenging to navigate, so I am relieved to know that the school is supporting you and your 16-year-old, and that you are supported by a counsellor. In case you are interested in additional support, @Astra-RO included a link to ReachOut’s Parent Coaching sessions. These are 1:1 support sessions that are free for parents and carers of young people aged 12 to 18. I hope the resources suggested by @Astra-RO are helpful for you and hope that you feel supported around this within the community!      ... View more

My lovely, healthy children. My well-being. The ability to go my own way. ... View more

Thanks for the information  ... View more

@Kmcdani5 it is really tough seeing your young people go through hard times, but I totally agree that it can be really helpful to find ways to turn to other parents for support and understanding.  ... View more

I hear you when you say you feel like you're on a roller coaster and that you have no idea what to do. It can be incredibly confusing. But is there a possibility that you could decide to do nothing and just see what happens for a while? ... View more

I love this exercise, so good to think about what we're lucky for in life! I'm trying to introduce some basic mindfulness and gratitude to my daughter. She's still a preschooler but I find using mindfulness colouring sheets is the perfect way to chill her out before bedtime. ... View more

He is only interested in computer games. I always un-plug the WiFi so he won’t play all the time. He says he wants to make friends but everyone he has talked to , he has nothing in common with and it is awkward. There was a time when he did make 2 friends and he was regularly going skateboarding with them, but then he stopped talking to them . They would call for months asking him to go skateboarding but he turned them down every time. So now they don’t call any more. I have tried multiple times to encourage him to go hang out with them but he never wants to, he says he didn’t have anything in common with them. I recently joined him in counseling and that was a huge struggle to get him to do that. ... View more

Loved reading these posts about what people are reading! That Claire Bowditch book looks great @ceskia22, I might have to check it out.   One of the best parent - related books I've ever read was "Confessions of a Domestic Failure" by Bunmi Laditan. I am in a book club with some family members and when it was my month to pick I chose that one and I really loved it. It also led to some beautiful discussions about motherhood and its identity, and the expectations on women to parent in specific ways that are unrealistic - the book is also HILARIOUS!    We're currently reading "On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous" by Ocean Vuong. Its written quite beautifully and is about family, written from the perspective of a son to his mother about relationships and Vietnamese culture. I am not too far in yet, but so far so good!  ... View more

Hi @Chloe2007    how old is your daughter?   What sort of relationship is your daughter looking at ? There is a lot more to learn as a teenager than academics skills and knowledge Social skills also need to be developed.  I saw my sister in law (widow) totally ban relationships and the daughters just ignored it and hid their boyfriends.  That prevented my nieces getting any advice where they could have used it.       ... View more

Hi, @Ollie-Finches. Firstly, I want to salute you for what you are doing. The stress that you are taking but still you take care of both, your father and your son. As you said that your son has OCD contamination and your father recently had a fall. Taking care of them both at the same time is really a tough task and you are doing both is really good because I know that taking care of a person who has OCD is really hectic. I have a friend who also has OCD and taking care of him is very challenging. I regularly spend time with him, Take him out for a drive sometime, talks to him really politely and humbly and doctors also recommend this. But I would suggest you give some time to yourself. Gardening is really good but you should do some other things also like reading novels, go out with your friends, and watch some interesting stuff like movies or documentaries. One more thing I can suggest you, join some other discussions online and let others know about parenting tips as you are a parent, in fact, a very great parent.  ... View more

Hi there @Dan2787 Thanks for sharing your story here.  I have moved your reply into a thread of its own so that other parents can find it more easily and reply to it.  It is too important to get lost in a thread here and hopefully this will help you get more perspectives on this.  I hope this is ok with you?   You can find your original post by clicking on this link. ... View more

Hey @ComeFront, welcome to the forum! It's lovely to have you here. Just to let you know we're an Australian site so I'm concerned we won't be able to offer any referrals to you. We can offer a supportive ear though, so please feel free to stay and take part  ... View more

Hey @Chalke5, nothing to offer from the counselling session. I left pretty much at the start. Sorry! ... View more

Thank you so much, both of you. Small group but such an interesting topic. ... View more

Hi @Linda1972 i am so sorry to hear this is happening to your son, to know this is happening and to have that uncertainty about how to proceed is so tough, my heart goes out to you.   Unfortunately our expertise is around how to support parent's in Australia who are between the ages of 12 and 18 and our focus is around mental health. So while we can try and offer support, we don't know as much as we could about this particular topic. Could there be a service that works on family relationships or relationships near you? You might also want to check out this list of parenting communities click here.  ... View more

Hi Chalker5, thank you, yes we talk to him all the time we sit him down and go through it all with him and he sits there and nods and agrees but doesnt last long. Yes we have tried to get him an apprenticeship, went for a day, employer advised that he wasn't what they were looking for, so back to school he went. So he got a bit depressed but snapped out of it, he was refereeing rugby through winter, half way through season he dislocated his knee which needed surgery and only just getting back to normality, so that hasn't helped either.   ... View more

I would like to start that new thread, where would you suggest I do that?   I am struggling doing this alone, it is very exhausting. And just recently, I had an email response from a senior bullying advisor at the National Centre Against Bullying, stating that:  ' It's hard, when your child has been the target of bullying, not to assume that the experience is the norm .' How rude, and presumptuous, I was dismayed that a bullying expert would use such language, and minimise a parents REAL experience with bullying in schools, by inferring that, rather than the commonplace issue it is, that I am conflating it due to my son being a victim. I found it offensive and told her so.    That threw me off and I had to take a breather, and get back to basics, so that I can provide clear and concise advice to parents going through this at present. My goal is to empower parents and students, so they don't feel helpless and alone. During my sons schooling years, bullying has been a major topic at the schoolgate, particularly schools lax approach to it. In many instances, the bullying was reported to the school yet continued. It certainly did in my sons case too. I want to help change that.      ... View more

Thank you @Lily17 and @Schooner for your supportive replies.   You know, the more I hear, the more I realise how many parents out there don't put the care of their kids first. For my daughter, knowing she's not the only one to have experienced her father not being around etc, has been somewhat reassuring for her.   For me, it really makes me aware that every parent on this forum is an amazingly awesome parent. We've all made mistakes I'm sure, but we all love our kids enough to reach out, to learn and to try something different if what we're doing isn't working.    @Lily17 you've had such a hard time and I really appreciate you sharing. Your words remind me that it's such a good thing that my daughter is talking and in doing so, processing. Even if it's negative talk about herself, better the words are moving where they can be flicked off, instead of sitting and becoming embedded in her mind and body. I hope over the years you've found friends you call family. It's so sad knowing family can be who hurt you most.   Any excuse to give a hug @Schooner! Not that I need a reason! Thank you for your kind words. I agree that her dad isn't a good role model, and I'm grateful that we haven't 15 straight years of him in and out of her life. I think that situation would've been much harder on her. It does rock her. She met him in Nov 2015 for the first time and basically hasn't been back to school since and has been in isolation. I won't put all that on him as she's has mental health issues, but it was the beam that pulled the whole building down!   I so wish he could understand. I've tried explaining to him after it all blew up last time, but unfortunately he can't hear anything I say. You're right, if I thought he might say that to her, and she'd accept it, I would definitely take whatever was thrown my way. I guess my philosophy is 'actions speak louder than words', and she picked that up along the way - and she's often way better at implementing it than I am! I can do the bit about telling her it's about him and nothing wrong with her though   Thanks for your support guys. ... View more

Awesome :) ... View more

Hi @Mum2017, you sound so distraught and I'm sorry you and your son are going through this. It can be incredibly upsetting not knowing the right move to make when our kids have lost their way.    It also hurts when they are treating us with contempt, and I hear your frustration at having to pay your son's fine because he doesn't have the means to. With mine I always took that attitude she gave me as 'she just doesn't care', and as you say, had no remorse. I found it frustrating because not being sorry doesn't leave me much to work with. Our case worker taught me though that if she didn't care, she wouldn't get angry or take it out on me. She was that way towards me because she was feeling sorry or guilty, but she didn't know how to deal with that appropriately. It doesn't excuse the behaviour or the language they choose, but I just hoped to give you a different perspective on it. And knowing that helped me to realise there was actually a lot to work with. Within that I could find hope.   Do you feel a huge fine like that deserves some consequence? I'm not sure what that would look like, but if you're interested we could do some brainstorming. It's 100% up to you, and I completely respect your decision.    If my daughter's being rude or nasty, I'll tell her how it makes me feel, using the 'I' statements. For example instead of saying 'you really hurt me by saying that', I'll say 'I feel really hurt when you say that'. That way we're letting them know we're hurt or upset or whatever it may be, but we're not placing blame which usually results in conflict. It's a very non-confrontational way of communicating.   Have you considered the parent coaching through ReachOut? I plug it a lot, not just as a parent peer supporter, but mainly as a parent. I made use of the coaching earlier this year and want everyone to benefit from it! The coach works with your strengths as a parent (of which we have many by the way!), gives practical suggestions to try straight away, and coaching is flexible and free. You can find the link here if you'd like to find out more.   I apologise if you've been asked already, but what do you do to look after you? Do you have something that is your go to, to unwind and destress? We need to remember 'me' otherwise we find ourselves trying to run on empty, which isn't sustainable.    I hope you've had a relatively peaceful few days.     ... View more

I agree @Ngaio-RO, gotta love a funny kid. I'm glad mine makes me laugh - I'd go loopy otherwise.   I love both your comments about not drowning too @Lily17. Great to have the kids support hey! Lol. Maybe you could start a blog? I'd read your writings too.   ... View more

Hi @Oceanentity, checking in to see how you are. I hope you've been able to begin the coaching. The coaches are fabulous.   I haven't forgotten about you! I'd noticed that you'd read and liked a comment of mine in a different thread, which really covers what I was going to go over here. I hope you found something in it that was useful. Feel free to come back with any questions or in need of help or support. We're here for a rant too. ... View more

@Lily17 I've just been reading through this thread and again and again i read about how thoughtful caring and considerate you are for your children even though it's incredibly tough because of the hardships of your past.    You mentioned the loss of your bond with T1. Is this something that you're thinking about building back up over time, or are you more feeling like you just have to wait? Something else?      ... View more

Thank you so much for your reply @Schooner It is so meaningful for parents to hear from other parents who have been there. I love your focus on old fashioned parenting. It's amazing how, in the midst of crisis, we can so easily forget the really basic stuff. When I used to work in Drug and Alcohol treatment centres we would talk about 'having the HALTS'. (Hungry, Lonely, Tired, Serious). The idea being if you get too much of any of these, life is really hard to manage. Thankfully, the solutions are pretty simple. Too hungry, eat, too tired, sleep, too lonely, pick up the phone, too serious, do something that makes you laugh. and the best way to avoid it happening is to build it into your routine.  Of course, super easy to say... You sound like you guys did it really tough. How awesome that your son is feeling better.  I see your insight on what happened with the school counsellor as very helpful for a lot of parents who may be struggling with their school and school counsellor. Some are amazing. And some have a 'school first' approach which is not what a young person needs. Yes, safety is paramount but I have found that approach to see 'risk to self' as something they'd rather not have to manage so, exactly as you experienced, they want to manoeuvre the young person into the hospital which is far from ideal for your son. I'm so glad you guys found him someone he connects with. ... View more

I absolutely agree @taokat   How are things @mumof3  ... View more

Now seems a good time to kick-start this conversation and see what others think.   I agree with @HalleysComet that there seems to be a tendency to apply the word bullying to behaviours that may have been called mean or unkind, in the past. I wonder if this is due to teachers and schools feeling that parents will pay attention if they say "those kids are being bullies" rather than "those kids aren't being nice". That parents might be more inclined to intervene when the B word is used but they will write it off as "kids being kids' if it's called something else.   I'm interested to hear what others think but I believe that parents of kids who have experienced bullying behaviour will say that it goes far beyond kids just not being nice to each other.    Is there a risk of watering down the impact of the term if we over-apply it? I'm keen to hear what others think. @Maggiemay @LovingThruBlue @Elena @CareBear and @taokat ? ... View more

Hi @joanne   How are things going? Any improvements? ... View more

Oh, I like these points @Mitzi. Thank you for sharing. And I appreciate your recognition of not being the parent you wanted to be due to fatigue. It takes a lot to recognise our mistakes and we should give ourselves permission to be less than perfect in order to make better decisions next time. ... View more

Thanks so much for sharing @Mitzi - there is so much in your post that fulls me with hope for all those starting out on their help-seeking journey... ... View more