Yeah, it's often struck me that almost all of us have unhealthy habits of one sort or another - some are more socially acceptable than others, most have consequences (wish I was addicted to carrots!!), but I'm hoping I can help my daughter stay away from as many as possible. Good on you @Mitzi for facing up to yours, and it sounds like your son has realised his might have consequences too and he's wanting to follow your example and face up to them. ... View more

Good question @Ben-RO,   As I mentioned in another post, as Christians, faith is very important to us and I wouldn't want to confuse her with a message that doesn't fit within that context of believing God has an incredible love for her that overrides what others think about sex before marriage.   I also believe God made us as sexual beings (let's be honest - nearly everyone alive is because someone had sex!) and for it to be an incredible experience and part of a committed marriage. But we discover this érōs in the same way as agápē - through relationship with others (hearing their stories, loving and being loved, getting disappointed etc), through self-discovery, through prayer. I believe God's put boundaries for all parts of life - for example we don't murder or steal because that's outside the right boundaries, and an excessive expression of sexuality (such as sexual intercourse) outside of marriage is outside that boundary.   I know her youth leaders also believe this which is helpful because despite being able to write it I'm not sure how to discuss it with her.   Hmmmm, Sbaussie ... View more

Hi @Mitzi,   Still smiling at the thought of you   "nodding sagely, all the time thinking "Eww! Stop talking! La-la-la-la-la don't want to hear!"   Good on you for listening. In my situation there's things I'd feel comfortable saying to my daughter & others I wouldn't.   I guess I'm heavily affected by my own experience (who isn't?!) where an addiction to porn tore me apart for several years. I haven't talked about it with my daughter although that day will come, but encouraging her to look at porn in any form isn't something I'll be doing. Yes, I was sexually active at the time (in a loving marriage of many years) but the impact it had on that sex life, on my ongoing thought life, my relationship with others, my faith, and the difficulty I had restoring a healthy normality when I faced these things has convinced me it's just not something I'd want anyone else to go through - letalone my own daughter.   Hope that makes sense, Sbaussie ... View more

Hi Kas-RO,   I'm sure curiosity is probably a big part of this - though I wonder where curiosity ends and unhelpfulness begins. In my mind there's only so much curiosity (or so many things that can be done from curiosity) that are helpful. Two years of reading sex scenes might no longer be helpful and might have moved into an unhelpful addiction that locks her out of the best for her future. In this way I think you're right that conversations about her body and sex (and maybe some more reading material that's a bit more realistic ;-)) could be helpful.   Does anyone here have suggestions about how to go about these...'uncomfortable discussions'? And anything to give her to read? She knows 'where babies come from' and all the sex ed stuff that is more for younger age groups, I'm more thinking about materials that help her work through what she's feeling and what to do with these feelings, and as Kas-Ro wrote, 'how bodies work', what marriage is like.   As Christians, faith is very important to us and I wouldn't want to confuse her with a message that doesn't fit within that context of believing God has an incredible love for her that overrides what others think about sex before marriage - she of course is completely free to make her mind up but there's a difference between allowing that to happen and encouraging her to ignore what we believe through what we give her to read.   Still chewing, Sbaussie ... View more

I'm still chewing over your valuable thoughts tenacious_dad, thanks! ... View more

Hi all, An interesting development occurred. We thought we'd worked through this issue (hence my post was more a 'wondering how I went and/or if I should do anything else now') but just in the last week our daughter initiated a discussion after church with a youth leader which she also shared with us that she's continued to look at inappropriate material.   Now having said that, the inappropriate material isn't actually videos this time - and I'm kinda relieved in that way. It's lower level books that describe sex in graphic terms, and in my daughter's words it's been every night for the last 2 years. That's a lot of sex, even in low level - and obviously something that's got her hooked.   Thankfully she's got some accountability other than us in the form of her youth leader, and she's chatting to God about it too (she's pretty real about her faith). But I'm still left wondering if there's something we should do to help her work through this.   Hmmm, Sbaussie ... View more

It sounds partly 'regular' teenage behavior and partly something I'd want to address (without knowing anything about you or your teen). I wonder if recognizing with her that she doesn't seem comfortable at home might start a helpful conversation. I sometimes just open up to my 14yo daughter with things like this, let her know I'm noticing what's going on (in a positive way, showing care rather than judgement) and ask her straight up if there's something wrong at home or something she wishes were different so she'd be more comfortable having friends round or even hanging out with you (shock horror!). Maybe she hates the colour of her walls or always feels poorer than her friends or thinks the house smells or any of a hundred things - but regardless of what it is she probably won't tell you unless you ask. Hope that's given some thinking space... ... View more

https://parents.au.reachout.com/Skills-to-build/Wellbeing/Sexuality-gender-identity-and-teenagers Is missing content, nothing listed under "However, if they are feeling distressed and it is impacting their ability to function contact the services below." Plus bizarre message: There selected Emergency contact group has no contacts. you can add them tree view ... View more

This is minor but there's a typo in the https://forums.parents.au.reachout.com/t5/Chill-Out/New-member-Introduce-yourslf-here/td-p/42 the word "yourself" is missing an "e" in the title & hence the url  ... View more

1. How did you find out about Reachout? Through Facebook where I spend much of my life 🙀   2. What are you most proud of your kids for? My 14 yo's desire to help round the house and be mature when most needed, like when my wife is away or we're all on holidays and need extra help.   3. What's your number one way to relax? Anything geeky, on computer|ipad|iphone|ps4 !   4. Tell us the worst piece of parenting advice you ever received Let your kids do whatever they want, you don't want to make them sad   Then the best piece of parenting advice you ever received? Allow each member of the family to express how they're feeling even if that's not in a way you'd like (or the response isn't what you'd hoped for). Don't tell your kids off when that's what they're doing.   ... View more

https://forums.parents.au.reachout.com/t5/Community-info/Community-Guidelines-must-read/m-p/8#U8 Has conflicting information about who the site is for. In one part it says it's for parents of 12-18 year olds, in another part it says 14-18. ... View more