Hi @Nikkita, I can hear from your posts you have been working really hard to try and set boundaries for your son and seek help for him too. I can't begin to imagine how challenging it must be emotionally when he doesn't meet these supports halfway. How have the last two weeks been? You mentioned your son hasn't been attending his appointments, have you been able to speak to his professional network to let them know about the schooling or his behaviours at home? Now that the school term is back, has the drinking and smoking reduced or has it persisted? Please keep reaching out to us when you need to chat We are always here to be a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on ... View more

Hey @What_to_do    I hope you've found a clear path in this situation. I agree with the previous suggestions (not providing money to your daughter that you feel is going to be used for drugs), however I just wanted to respond to your feeling of the "dilemma".   I'm sure all parents can relate with the problem of not knowing what's the "right" answer in some situations. It reminded me of when my son was reported missing and ended up at his girlfriends house. The parents were great, in that they called me to let me know that he was there and so I was able to collect him.   On the way home I took my son into the police station (so they could sight him) however throughout this whole process he was begging me to let him stay with his girlfriend for the night. He was saying that it made him feel better (mental health wasn't good at the time) and that he would just run away again if I didn't drop him back off at her house.   I remember sitting in the police station totally confused. My thoughts were scattered and I couldn't make a clear judgement. I knew that I wasn't coping and so I called my eldest brother. Thankfully he was able to calm me down, and said "Just remember that [name] is not coping at the moment. His thoughts are his 'depression talking' and you need to make the choices for him."   It was weird how it snapped me back into reality. Suddenly, the answer was clear and so I took him back home. For me in the moment, it was a wrestle between "I don't want him running away again" (after all, I just got him back) and "I don't want him thinking he can just use that against me to get what he wants".     Fortunately this was a good lesson for me, in that it showed me that 1) I can lose control of my "rational" brain and, 2) I have a right to step in and make the right choices that are not dictated by a 14 year old who doesn't have the capacity to make good choices.   Oh, and yes, he ran away again . . . ... View more