Hi @Termitex2000 , it's good to hear that you have been able to talk with your daughter and that she plans to sleep over next weekend. I hope that she does end up spending next weekend with you  . It really sucks that you have not felt like a father for years now, it sounds like things have been really tough for you and this has impacted the connection you have with your daughter. Do you have anyone (whether that be a friend or professional) that you can talk to about how this has impacted you emotionally? ... View more

Hello @Fambam83 , sorry to hear that you feel like your daughters behaviour and attitude are getting worse. You mentioned that you don't have any family supporting you through this, so I'm just wondering if you have any professionals that are supporting you or your daughter throughout this? ... View more

Hi @Supportivemama I can understand your concerns about your son and how others might treat him and think that this shows how caring and supportive you are of your son. It is really awesome to hear that his dad is open minded and supportive too  .   I also understand your desire to want to hear about some other parent's experiences, so I have looked through and found some posts that you might find to be helpful. Here is a thread about supporting teens with their sexuality and here is a thread from a parent who's daughter has let them know they are pansexual. Hope this helps!  ... View more

Here's a list of 26 things you can do during autumn that will keep you occupied and allow you to enjoy the coziest season of the year. ... View more

Hello @lifeconcernsme , welcome to the forums! It's really nice to hear that you are proud and supportive of your daughter and that you have some awesome coping strategies that you can rely on! We're really glad you joined and we're here for you any time.  ... View more

Check out Big Picture Education Australia.  ... View more

The combination of having to accept his father's absence, followed on by resentment and a feeling of being judged by others (for his father's actions) can lead to some deep insecurities. There's will also be a feeling of envy at having to be amongst others who will be talking about their fathers in a more positive light. This can result in a young man feeling bitter and becoming very angry. It's difficult because it's as though you are serving a sentence as well. The worry is placing a burden on your shoulders because you seriously fear that the lad will follow in his father's footsteps. Your are a concerned parent, trying your hardest to direct a young adult away from a life of crime. Are you punishing this young man for his fathers mistakes? The answer is....No....You are punishing him because you fear he'll do the same. Deep inside, you fear the prospect of him following in his father's footsteps. You are trying to help and there's no straight forward way of handling this. What can you do? There is an option worth considering. This young man may share the same characteristic traits of his father. A reason for your concern. The anger, the frustration, the lack of trust, the yearning for adventure and a hidden intellect. There's a constant desire to express that 'pent up' energy. What happens to a bored, frustrated young person who can't channel that energy into something constructive? With time on their hands, a mixture of negative emotions and boredom can lead to behaviour that is not always in their best interest. Does the lad have a job? Go to college? Do sports? Night classes? Have other hobbies, interests? If the young man shares the same traits as his father, boredom (due to lack of stimulating activities) will be a considerable enemy in your quest to help him. Tell the young man exactly why you are imposing these restrictions on his freedoms and explain to him your fears. Try not to be threatening or 'giving an ultimatum' just yet. The temptation to say...."If you want to live under my roof, then......" Will only result in him storming off in a bad mood. It's worth raising the issue of counselling for his anger. Though it may be a challenge encouraging a sixteen year old to agree to this. An option worth considering. Try to encourage the lad to do activities outside of home to encourage focus and channel that energy towards positive goals. This could be an incentive to relax your restrictions and allow him more freedom. The young man will soon become a fully fledged adult. In future. He'll be responsible for his own decisions. Whatever anyone else says. It's a huge worry for you. However. There's only a certain amount of help and encouragement you can give. Whatever help you provide. However many different suggestions or sources of help you turn to, there's only one person who can really help. That's himself. ... View more

Hello @Birdwings and welcome to this section of the forum @EndoLife1    These lockdowns are having a profound impact on our mental health and that of our children. I am sorry to hear about your son @Birdwings it is really good that he sat dow with you to talk about it. All these tips are incredibly valuable. Finding ways to bring routine back into our days which are now very often feeling chaotic, can be really helpful and grounding. Parents are putting a lot of pressure on themselves to be there for their children during this time but it is a very hard job to be there for our families and ourselves and for a lot of people, their work too! It is great to hear you have such good coping strategies. I hope this can be a place where we discuss more    ... View more

Hi @Ilovemykids4 Thank you for sharing with us. I'm sorry to hear that your son and you are going through a hard time right now. You're definitely right that mental health and physical health are linked. It's great that you're here and looking for support for you and your son. I hope that by being here, you know that you are not alone. Thank you again for sharing. ... View more

That’s great advice. Thank you. :) ... View more

Teens always looking for adrenaline at this age. For example, when I was 13 was a shoplifter too.  Try to find another adrenaline source for him. Sport/VideoGames ... View more

Hi @Me102    I'm sorry to hear that you feel distant from your kids, I can imagine how difficult that must be for you. I can see that you have already listed some great ideas so far. I love the movie idea, what a great way to settle down for the night!   We have had members post to the forums in similar positions before, so you are definitely not alone in this. We have a large number of forum posts that might also have some helpful suggestions. For example, this Post has a number of activities to do on school holidays.   Let us know how you go. ... View more

Hi Ladybates,   It's always tough navigating expectations, especially with in-laws!   It sounds like an open an honest conversation with your husband may be a good place to start. Having him on board will help a lot. Try raising the issue with him by trying to get him to see why you consider sharing drinks as unhygienic (without making him feel it is attack on his mum). The way you present the issue to him will play a big part in the outcome, reiterating that it's not about his mum, just the act of sharing drinks etc.    In regards to your mother-in-law, you mention she is very sensitive when you say anything remotely confrontational. Have you considered adjusting your communication style to get a different result? I have found that I really need to consciously change the way I speak, at times, with my in-laws, because we have very different ways of communicating. It was hard work to start but I have found an immense improvement in our relationship by thinking about what I say may be perceived based on their view of the world.    Good luck! I hope it goes well for you.      ... View more

Hello @anitarobins    We really appreciate you posting these helpful tips for parents. It's always important for everyone to read the most updated guidelines around safety of car seats for children.     ... View more

Hey @KristyK, we are so glad that you are feeling supported here. I know what you mean about not wanting to let others know how bad things are. Sometimes we feel ashamed, embarrassed or want to avoid judgement. I think most of us have been there before. I am not sure if you'd find it valuable but Parent Line (www.parentline.org.au) is a free counselling service that you could contact if you would like another space to share. It is upsetting to hear that your daughter has no help with attending appointments or receiving mental health care from her father. As you mentioned, it is definitely common for teenagers to not attend appointments. It makes it exceptionally difficult for parents, who are only trying to engage them in professional support. I feel you, it can be really frustrating and heart breaking at the same tme. I am sorry to hear that you are locked out of your daughter's life in terms of communicating with her school and your ex. I imagine it must have been really challenging to have that information available but then it was disregarded by the school. I am wondering if you see your daughter often? Do you a notice a difference when you talk to her in person vs over the phone? Again, thank you so much for sharing. We love having you here! ... View more

Hi Soccermum,   The best person to speak to about fitness for your child, if you are concerned about the effects of weightlifting on a growing skeletal system, would be your GP or Pediatrician . Otherwise, enrolling your child with a personal trainer who is familiar with teaching adolescents would be a good option.    For more general information on weight training with teenagers I found this resource online that may help:   https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=weight-training-for-teens-1-2381 ... View more

Thank you for your kind words Sophia. I hope so too. Just thinking... I would have never even thought that i would share any of my struggles like this, quite publicly. But i am really at the end of finding options, of what to do next. And came here, to this site. But reading back at this conversation i realise that it felt like a relief sharing it. And all the kindness and supportive words back give hope and confidence. The problems have not been solved, but I feel hopeful and it made me smile to have that feeling back. Very thankful ... View more

@charliebear  I really appreciate your response, your comment about peckers made me giggle- I'm now a mum of a young boy as well as a tween, and we have to have many discussions about boundaries, and keeping certain parts of our bodies to ourselves!    I love how you've set clear boundaries in a really authentic and genuine way - I think that is so important.    Life must be extremely busy as a mum of 4 and grandma of 4- do you see a lot of your grandsons? I was a sole parent for 4 years, and while it was definitely super challenging at times, I also now have a very close relationship with my daughter, that remains close now I have married.  Single parenting can be a tough gig at times, do you have much support for yourself? I found that it was my fellow mum friends who kept me sane - whether that was in person, over the phone, or mates I met in various online support groups over the years   ... View more

supporting your son but staying mutual for your grandchildren,s sake adults can process the situation better than children. children need love and support from everyone on both sides of the family with these difficult times. ... View more

Dear @mariadavis    Thank you for raising this topic. An outpatient program in a virtual setting sounds like a great idea, especially with the current COVID situation. It's good that you're really considering whether it's suitable for you or not. It might be worth talking to your GP or therapist to determine whether it best suits your needs. Please do let us know what you end up deciding, and if you do decide to do the program, let us know how it went!   Just so you're aware, I've removed the link you shared. Sharing links, especially to particular services, is against our guidelines. Please feel free to read more about our guidelines here.  ... View more

Dear @Juffie    Thanks so much for your post. I'm sure it's a topic that many parents can benefit from reading about.    We actually have an article that might be worth reading on blended families and teenagers here.    Relationship's Australia also has a tip sheet for blended families here. Relationships Australia can also provide counselling to couples and families.    Stepfamilies Australia is another great resource - see their webpage here. They have a range of courses, tip sheets, and recommended books. They also have a 'find a professional' page.    You might also want to register with our free, one-on-one support service, which you can find out more about here.   It is also worth knowing about the following two, confidential, free, anonymous helplines: Family Relationship Advice Line - 1800 050 321 (find out more about it here) Parentline - their number differs depending what state you're calling from, see here.    It sounds like you are concerned about your daughter feeling uncomfortable and shy, which is completely understandable. It might be a good idea to set some ground rules - e.g., no internet after 8pm. It's good that you meet for dinner, and I'd encourage you to continue doing this. It might be helpful to play family games, like uno or monopoly, or to have movie nights. Another idea is to play a game where it's the parents vs. the kids (or parents + 1 boy vs. your daughter + 1 boy), so that the kids are forced to bond but in a fun way. We know that having a common enemy brings people closer, so if you parents are the 'enemy' in the game (i.e., the people they are competing against), then it might help bring them closer together.   Please do have a look at the resources I've shared with you, and let us know how you go. It might be worth trying the tips shared in these resources, and if you're still having problems, then stepping up to professional support.  ... View more

Hey @Hopesprings123  That is lovely to hear you're going to share the link for the youth forum with your daughter, it is a lovely supportive community and I'm sure she will feel welcome there if she decides to join  Also your reply looks like it went through all correctly on our end - let us know if you have any questions about this  ... View more

Hi @Datchick  Thank you for posting here on the forums  It sounds like you are in a tricky position, I can imagine it would be hard to know what the right thing to do here is, and I don't think it is as simple as being right or wrong either. It's certainly concerning that your child is screaming and hitting themselves when exposed to different foods and that they have such a limited diet. I wonder if it would be worth getting your partner to speak to his mum about what she is able to feed him and how she manages meal times. It also might be something to consult a GP or maternal health nurse about to see what the possible reasons could be and also to check for any deficiencies he could have.     TOM-RO ... View more

Hi @Ellie67 ,    Gosh I can really relate when you say that curious chats aren't always possible! I have a 12 year old (going on 16 some days!), and while I would say that generally our relationship is good, there are some conversations that she absolutely refuses to have.    I'm hearing how much you love and care for your daughter, and I don't think we ever stop worrying about them. It sounds like she is a strong minded, intelligent, and determined young person - and those are all wonderful qualities! But they can also make parenting challenging at times ;)    I did have one idea, which may be a bit out of left field. I'm hearing that a lot of your concerns stem from being worried about her safety. Do  you think she'd be interested in doing a practical class in self defence/ martial arts? When I was in high school (at an all girls school) at a similar age, the school arranged for an ex policeman to come and teach us the basics of self defence, and techniques that are really effective for personal self defence. it was everything from phrases to use, to physical defence moves. That's now longer ago than I'd like to admit, but I've never forgotten it.    It made me more aware of potential risks, but also made me feel more empowered and in control of my body and my safety. It's relatively uncommon, statistically speaking, to be attacked by a stranger.. but having those very basic skills and techniques helped me a lot. And I'm sure it also made my parents feel much less worried when I went to university a few years later!   This is just a thought- let me know what you think! It's a really tricky space for parents to navigate, and I really feel for you @Ellie67  ... View more

Hi Informational,   It sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment with trying to reach an amenable parenting arrangement with your husband. I feel it’s reasonable to have some concerns about your children travelling overseas if you feel his parental care has been lacking in the past. I feel like it’s not a bad idea to request a more detailed itinerary if you feel like you are not able to reasonably contact your ex-partner and children while they are travelling overseas.   It sounds like this situation has been fairly upsetting for your children. How have they been managing so far with the separation? What supports do they have to reach out to?   Do you have any concerns about your children’s safety at the moment? If you have concerns over their wellbeing in the care of your ex-partner, I would urge you to express these concerns with your local child protection agency if you feel these concerns serious.   It can be difficult to determine in these situations if our concerns are reasonable or if we are reacting strongly due to the emotions surrounding a separation and our ex. Have you been able to speak to a counsellor in regards to the separation and your feeling surrounding your ex?   We hope the reach out parenting forums can be of some support to you during this difficult time.   P.S   I have edited your post slightly to remove any identifying information as per our community guideline:   Stay anonymous at all times: please don’t post any information that could identify you or anyone you’re posting about, including school names/ teachers, or link to personal information like blogs or social media accounts. Please respect other people’s anonymity, even if you think you may know them in real life.    For more information please visit the link here for our full community guidelines. ... View more

Hi @RiverGirl    Yeah that sounds tough all round! I can imagine I'd feel very reluctant to get up early if I've had a late nights, that's only natural but it sounds like it's become a bad habit. I would say that the routine is key here. So if you look at the classic "sleep hygiene" ideas, it's all about setting up a good sleep routine to help with these issues. The main thing if nothing else, is to go to bed as close to the same time as possible and get up at the same time regardless of what else is going on. What you've described is hard because your son has trouble with sleep medication and is struggling to self sooth. This sounds like a broader issue but directly impacts sleep. Of course if this continues to be an issue I imagine it will impact almost all other areas of his life socially, emotionally and with study. I'd suggest to always keep professionals involved including general practitioners and even counsellors/psychologists where relevant. Mainly because self soothing can be very important as a coping mechanism overall and getting support around this would be invaluable.  ... View more