Hi Natalie I have contacted the school and they provide her with food during the day at school which is fantastic. I offered to pay them but they said it was all good. I had gotten my daughter to see headspace but she doesn’t like going as she feels she doesn’t need the help. I think she is embarrassed by the situation at school they have a well-being person that she speaks to on a weekly basis. I myself see an councillor once a fortnight and she is fantastic she has helped me so much😊 ... View more

Hi @ShamedScott, Thanks for sharing. We are sorry to hear that you can relate to this experience but also know that it can be comforting to find others going through a similar thing. Cutting out family members can be really challenging but sometimes it can be for the best, especially if the relationship is unhelpful, negative or having an undesired impact on you. It sounds like you have made a lot of peace with your decision although I am sure it took some work to get there. If you'd ever like to share more, we'll be here to listen ... View more

Hi @MarieVelentine, Thanks for sharing your story. It’s great to hear that you were able to have this conversation with your son in an open, understanding and non-judgemental manner. It sounds like your son was quite comfortable sharing with you and that is an important aspect of any parent-child relationship. Your concerns about how difficult it can be to be apart of the LGBTQIA+ community are totally valid. As you mentioned, you are speaking from your own experience which sounds like it was quite challenging for you. Firstly, I am sorry to hear that you have had negative experiences and that it took years to be able to be who you are. Secondly, I’m wondering if there is anything that you have learnt from your experience that you could bring into your role as a parent? Hi @Supportivemama, Thank you for stepping in to share how you’ve been dealing with this situation. It can be so valuable to hear from other people who have been through a similar thing. It’s great that your son and his friends are open minded. You’ve mentioned that you are learning as you go and have made sure your son knows that you are available to chat. It might not seem like much but that is a great approach and sometimes all you can do when you are managing something for the first time. A question I would ask both of you is whether your sons have any supports at the moment? Whether that be from a health professional, counsellor or psychologist? Sometimes it can help to have someone to talk to if things get tough. ... View more

Hi Worried Mum 720, Welcome to our Reachout Parent Forum. I've been coming here intermittently for over a year and am Mum to an 18 year old son and 16 year old daughter. Sometimes, I come here to get advice about issues happening for us, and other times, I pop in to reach out.  I don't have much experience of self-harm. However, I have made good progress with connecting with our daughter lately via going driving in the car. She's learning to drive and finds driving quite calming and we've been on a few 2 hour drives at night. It's not always great, but she's opened up quite a lot. Trying to keep communication going and building that foundation that they is loved and valued, can hopefully counterbalance whatever's prompting the self harm. However, maybe discussing safety and having three phone numbers they can call if things get too much. Finding ways to vent such as exercise, journaling, music. Do you have a pet?  The other thing I've found helpful is going to seeing professionals on my kids' behalf before and found it very helpful.  I hope that helps. Best wishes, Birdwings ... View more

nice ... View more

Hi @Yaroslav_Fadeev    Welcome to the Parents Forum!   How's your week going so far? Has your family got much planned for over the Easter holidays? ... View more

Are you okay? ... View more

Hi @Maxliberson  Thank you for sharing your experience with us, it sounds like there's a lot of difficult family dynamics happening with you, your partner and stepson. It's really great to see that you are reaching out for some support.   You mention that you haven't spoken to your stepson for nearly a year, does he live elsewhere now? Has he been violent to anyone else in your household?   I can understand that dealing with all of this must be very frustrating, but would like to acknowledge that threatening to be violent towards a young person is never OK. Do you have any strategies in place to help with the anger you feel when he becomes aggressive towards you? Do you have anyone you can talk to or give you support around this? Lads & Dads looks like a really great community that you might like to have a look into.   I imagine this must all be having an affect on your relationship with your partner too, which must be hard to cope with as well. How are you feeling about that side of things? ... View more

Well, as a parent and a psychologist this question give me an opportunity to express my views on what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. I always advice my kids to be good and stick to the rules. And I definitely want them to be very successful in whatever they do. I try to educate my kids and help them understand the difference between right and wrong. And I think I did a great job as far as my kids are concerned. However when they started to smoke marijuana and got into drugs, it was time I should do something and do it quickly. In my opinion parents should never allow their kids to smoke anything. But if they are smoking, parents should never give up the fight and should try and help the kids to come out of it as soon as possible. ... View more

I am having nearly exactly the same issue with my 14 year old daughter..how has the last year been since your post? ... View more

Thanks for your insights, it helped me with my situation at home. Ty again. ... View more

Thanks so much for sharing your experience @KeepSmiling - that sounds like a really helpful solution to call in friends and family to help when your kids were struggling with separation anxiety. Were they happy to accept support from other people? I imagine it would help with your stress levels to know you had help too.  Is there anything else you found helped to reduce your kids' anxiety over time?  ... View more

Hey @Johno1112 ,   I appreciate you posting about your concerns. What you mentioned sounds like it's leaving you feeling uncertain as to how to communicate with your kids involving the changes they experience as they enter and go through puberty. I can't say I know exactly what to say, but the most important think is to keep the conversations going. Your kids seem open to talking to you about their concerns, which is a positive reflection of you feeling like a safe space for them. There are so many resources online, which I've identified a really helpful one here, and a link here to the relevant Parentsline number to speak with a professional, if you need. It may be helpful to have a conversation with your kids around where they are getting these ideas from. If they're exposed to social media, they may be influenced and have their expectations around their body appearance be challenges in a negative way, with a need to have certain characteristics. There's nothing wrong with kids using social media, but it may be helpful to have a conversation about what is normal as they go through puberty. Do you have any supports, for example, family or friends who you can reach out to? Sometimes it can help reflect on what was your experience if you were asking those types of questions when you were younger? What helped with reassuring you as you went through that time in your life? Let us know how you're going! ... View more

Hey @Birdwings ,   I can definitely understand the interest to generate a discussion around this. I can imagine there can definitely feel a culmination of all the various stressors throughout lockdowns and how it can impact mental health. Fingers crossed that the NDIS have received that feedback and are able to action it. I've been doing a lot of reading around "re-entering" into the new "post-COVID19 norm" since I am also experiencing re-entry anxiety to a degree. In reading you mention the rewiring of the neural pathways, I also imagine it'll take some time to rewire to slowly feel more comfortable with re-adapting. We are all impacted different, some in more complex ways than others. We had to learn to find new ways to cope, which means we dedicated resources to self-preservation. On the flip-side, we weren't practicing our interpersonal communication as much, so regarding what you said around people struggling to converse, it makes sense. What do you think? I'm glad to hear you have some professional support that you're working on things with. It's a slow and sometimes difficult road, but I hope you're feeling well supported in these times. ... View more

Hey @CaringPartner07 ,   I appreciate you taking the time to write this out, especially because you as their partner can see the challenges that they are experiencing, and you yourself are feeling concerned for how it's impacting your partner and watching them struggle to see their son more frequently would be pretty hard.  It sounds like your partner really makes the effort, time and commitment to spend the most amount of time with their son that they can. You're right, it can feel so heartbreaking with how much resources they dedicate to spending more time, that they're still meeting so much resistance.   From what you've mentioned around what else your partner can do, changing the hours of the parenting plan is the way to go about it, and if you know they'll refuse to sign off, then court is an option. Naturally, court is a time-consuming and expensive process, so it can be hard to decide where to "draw the line" regarding maintaining a peaceful co-existence, or trying to challenge the parenting plan. Regarding how their ex-partner is responding, what their intentions are, we'd be guessing. Is it controlling? No idea. What it sounds like though is that they value their time with their son and seems to have established their recreation time with certain timeframes in mind. I do want to validate that from what you've written, your partner seems to respond amicably and professionally in conduct with their ex, and I'm glad at times their ex is willing to give in at times and let your partner see their son more.  I hope what I've written is helpful. Unfortunately there's no 'secret backdoor law' to make things happen. What's important is - like you said - that the child's environment fosters healthy relationships between both parents. I wish you and your partner all the best. ... View more

Hi @Evelyn , That sounds like it's a really mentally exhausting, and time-intensive for you to navigate, especially as a single-parent. I can recognise it's really difficult to constantly be on the beck-and-call of what's going on with your daughter. Do you have any support from family or friends to help you manage? I can't imagine that it's an easy task for you, especially with having a 6-year-old as well. It can be hard to find strategies on convincing your daughter to go to school; I can imagine you've tried all the ways you can think of. One resource I can suggest is getting in touch with Parentline if you're after professional counselling in the meantime. I know I haven't been of much help, but I just wanted to pop in and validate how difficult it sounds like it is. I assume that if they're being medicated, that they themselves are linked in with at least a GP or psychiatrist? Hope you're managing. ... View more

Hey @Imoverwhelmed ,   That sounds really overwhelming. I'm glad you're reaching out. I just wanted to flag on this thread just in case you didn't see, but we responded to you on a different thread  here. We invite you to keep us updated on how you're going.  ... View more

Hey @HumanBeing ,   Firstly, I want to thank you for sharing so clearly what is going on for you. It sounds like a really complex situation at the moment, and I can hear your frustration around not wanting the dynamic to remain the way it is. The strain you are experiencing is completely normal, and it can definitely be so mentally taxing to juggle to expectations of your relationship, expectations of your partner's kids, and your roles and responsibilities as a parent.  It's okay to have to assert boundaries at some point. Like you've identified, sometimes, a situation is unsustainable. It sounds like you've been trying to make compromises where possible, but are also identifying that you don't want your child growing up and learning from what's going on. There was a really helpful response written by Linda here around someone else having issues with their step-son, and although not all of it would be helpful for your situation, Linda writes some incredibly good reflections that I think you might find useful. Please let us know how you're going. Hope you're holding up well.     ... View more

Hi Sophia, Yes i have my loving partner and family for support. Although, loving support translates as nagging - its a guy thing! lol ... View more

@Carol637 that sounds so tough but I'm really glad it's helpful to know you're not alone. I really liked this fact sheet from Brisbane DV Service talking about adolescent to parent abuse - in case you might like to have a read through it.  You're definitely not alone in going through this.  ... View more

The combination of having to accept his father's absence, followed on by resentment and a feeling of being judged by others (for his father's actions) can lead to some deep insecurities. There's will also be a feeling of envy at having to be amongst others who will be talking about their fathers in a more positive light. This can result in a young man feeling bitter and becoming very angry. It's difficult because it's as though you are serving a sentence as well. The worry is placing a burden on your shoulders because you seriously fear that the lad will follow in his father's footsteps. Your are a concerned parent, trying your hardest to direct a young adult away from a life of crime. Are you punishing this young man for his fathers mistakes? The answer is....No....You are punishing him because you fear he'll do the same. Deep inside, you fear the prospect of him following in his father's footsteps. You are trying to help and there's no straight forward way of handling this. What can you do? There is an option worth considering. This young man may share the same characteristic traits of his father. A reason for your concern. The anger, the frustration, the lack of trust, the yearning for adventure and a hidden intellect. There's a constant desire to express that 'pent up' energy. What happens to a bored, frustrated young person who can't channel that energy into something constructive? With time on their hands, a mixture of negative emotions and boredom can lead to behaviour that is not always in their best interest. Does the lad have a job? Go to college? Do sports? Night classes? Have other hobbies, interests? If the young man shares the same traits as his father, boredom (due to lack of stimulating activities) will be a considerable enemy in your quest to help him. Tell the young man exactly why you are imposing these restrictions on his freedoms and explain to him your fears. Try not to be threatening or 'giving an ultimatum' just yet. The temptation to say...."If you want to live under my roof, then......" Will only result in him storming off in a bad mood. It's worth raising the issue of counselling for his anger. Though it may be a challenge encouraging a sixteen year old to agree to this. An option worth considering. Try to encourage the lad to do activities outside of home to encourage focus and channel that energy towards positive goals. This could be an incentive to relax your restrictions and allow him more freedom. The young man will soon become a fully fledged adult. In future. He'll be responsible for his own decisions. Whatever anyone else says. It's a huge worry for you. However. There's only a certain amount of help and encouragement you can give. Whatever help you provide. However many different suggestions or sources of help you turn to, there's only one person who can really help. That's himself. ... View more

Hi @Ilovemykids4 Thank you for sharing with us. I'm sorry to hear that your son and you are going through a hard time right now. You're definitely right that mental health and physical health are linked. It's great that you're here and looking for support for you and your son. I hope that by being here, you know that you are not alone. Thank you again for sharing. ... View more

That’s great advice. Thank you. :) ... View more

Teens always looking for adrenaline at this age. For example, when I was 13 was a shoplifter too.  Try to find another adrenaline source for him. Sport/VideoGames ... View more

Hi @Me102    I'm sorry to hear that you feel distant from your kids, I can imagine how difficult that must be for you. I can see that you have already listed some great ideas so far. I love the movie idea, what a great way to settle down for the night!   We have had members post to the forums in similar positions before, so you are definitely not alone in this. We have a large number of forum posts that might also have some helpful suggestions. For example, this Post has a number of activities to do on school holidays.   Let us know how you go. ... View more

Hi Ladybates,   It's always tough navigating expectations, especially with in-laws!   It sounds like an open an honest conversation with your husband may be a good place to start. Having him on board will help a lot. Try raising the issue with him by trying to get him to see why you consider sharing drinks as unhygienic (without making him feel it is attack on his mum). The way you present the issue to him will play a big part in the outcome, reiterating that it's not about his mum, just the act of sharing drinks etc.    In regards to your mother-in-law, you mention she is very sensitive when you say anything remotely confrontational. Have you considered adjusting your communication style to get a different result? I have found that I really need to consciously change the way I speak, at times, with my in-laws, because we have very different ways of communicating. It was hard work to start but I have found an immense improvement in our relationship by thinking about what I say may be perceived based on their view of the world.    Good luck! I hope it goes well for you.      ... View more