Hi @eitak1,   These supports are great. Thank you for you input, encouragement and support to the community. It's wonderful to see the community helping others.  ... View more

That’s great advice. Thank you. :) ... View more

Teens always looking for adrenaline at this age. For example, when I was 13 was a shoplifter too.  Try to find another adrenaline source for him. Sport/VideoGames ... View more

Hi @Me102    I'm sorry to hear that you feel distant from your kids, I can imagine how difficult that must be for you. I can see that you have already listed some great ideas so far. I love the movie idea, what a great way to settle down for the night!   We have had members post to the forums in similar positions before, so you are definitely not alone in this. We have a large number of forum posts that might also have some helpful suggestions. For example, this Post has a number of activities to do on school holidays.   Let us know how you go. ... View more

Hi Ladybates,   It's always tough navigating expectations, especially with in-laws!   It sounds like an open an honest conversation with your husband may be a good place to start. Having him on board will help a lot. Try raising the issue with him by trying to get him to see why you consider sharing drinks as unhygienic (without making him feel it is attack on his mum). The way you present the issue to him will play a big part in the outcome, reiterating that it's not about his mum, just the act of sharing drinks etc.    In regards to your mother-in-law, you mention she is very sensitive when you say anything remotely confrontational. Have you considered adjusting your communication style to get a different result? I have found that I really need to consciously change the way I speak, at times, with my in-laws, because we have very different ways of communicating. It was hard work to start but I have found an immense improvement in our relationship by thinking about what I say may be perceived based on their view of the world.    Good luck! I hope it goes well for you.      ... View more

Hello @anitarobins    We really appreciate you posting these helpful tips for parents. It's always important for everyone to read the most updated guidelines around safety of car seats for children.     ... View more

Hey @KristyK, we are so glad that you are feeling supported here. I know what you mean about not wanting to let others know how bad things are. Sometimes we feel ashamed, embarrassed or want to avoid judgement. I think most of us have been there before. I am not sure if you'd find it valuable but Parent Line (www.parentline.org.au) is a free counselling service that you could contact if you would like another space to share. It is upsetting to hear that your daughter has no help with attending appointments or receiving mental health care from her father. As you mentioned, it is definitely common for teenagers to not attend appointments. It makes it exceptionally difficult for parents, who are only trying to engage them in professional support. I feel you, it can be really frustrating and heart breaking at the same tme. I am sorry to hear that you are locked out of your daughter's life in terms of communicating with her school and your ex. I imagine it must have been really challenging to have that information available but then it was disregarded by the school. I am wondering if you see your daughter often? Do you a notice a difference when you talk to her in person vs over the phone? Again, thank you so much for sharing. We love having you here! ... View more

Hi Soccermum,   The best person to speak to about fitness for your child, if you are concerned about the effects of weightlifting on a growing skeletal system, would be your GP or Pediatrician . Otherwise, enrolling your child with a personal trainer who is familiar with teaching adolescents would be a good option.    For more general information on weight training with teenagers I found this resource online that may help:   https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=weight-training-for-teens-1-2381 ... View more

Thank you for your kind words Sophia. I hope so too. Just thinking... I would have never even thought that i would share any of my struggles like this, quite publicly. But i am really at the end of finding options, of what to do next. And came here, to this site. But reading back at this conversation i realise that it felt like a relief sharing it. And all the kindness and supportive words back give hope and confidence. The problems have not been solved, but I feel hopeful and it made me smile to have that feeling back. Very thankful ... View more

@charliebear  I really appreciate your response, your comment about peckers made me giggle- I'm now a mum of a young boy as well as a tween, and we have to have many discussions about boundaries, and keeping certain parts of our bodies to ourselves!    I love how you've set clear boundaries in a really authentic and genuine way - I think that is so important.    Life must be extremely busy as a mum of 4 and grandma of 4- do you see a lot of your grandsons? I was a sole parent for 4 years, and while it was definitely super challenging at times, I also now have a very close relationship with my daughter, that remains close now I have married.  Single parenting can be a tough gig at times, do you have much support for yourself? I found that it was my fellow mum friends who kept me sane - whether that was in person, over the phone, or mates I met in various online support groups over the years   ... View more

supporting your son but staying mutual for your grandchildren,s sake adults can process the situation better than children. children need love and support from everyone on both sides of the family with these difficult times. ... View more

Dear @mariadavis    Thank you for raising this topic. An outpatient program in a virtual setting sounds like a great idea, especially with the current COVID situation. It's good that you're really considering whether it's suitable for you or not. It might be worth talking to your GP or therapist to determine whether it best suits your needs. Please do let us know what you end up deciding, and if you do decide to do the program, let us know how it went!   Just so you're aware, I've removed the link you shared. Sharing links, especially to particular services, is against our guidelines. Please feel free to read more about our guidelines here.  ... View more

Dear @Juffie    Thanks so much for your post. I'm sure it's a topic that many parents can benefit from reading about.    We actually have an article that might be worth reading on blended families and teenagers here.    Relationship's Australia also has a tip sheet for blended families here. Relationships Australia can also provide counselling to couples and families.    Stepfamilies Australia is another great resource - see their webpage here. They have a range of courses, tip sheets, and recommended books. They also have a 'find a professional' page.    You might also want to register with our free, one-on-one support service, which you can find out more about here.   It is also worth knowing about the following two, confidential, free, anonymous helplines: Family Relationship Advice Line - 1800 050 321 (find out more about it here) Parentline - their number differs depending what state you're calling from, see here.    It sounds like you are concerned about your daughter feeling uncomfortable and shy, which is completely understandable. It might be a good idea to set some ground rules - e.g., no internet after 8pm. It's good that you meet for dinner, and I'd encourage you to continue doing this. It might be helpful to play family games, like uno or monopoly, or to have movie nights. Another idea is to play a game where it's the parents vs. the kids (or parents + 1 boy vs. your daughter + 1 boy), so that the kids are forced to bond but in a fun way. We know that having a common enemy brings people closer, so if you parents are the 'enemy' in the game (i.e., the people they are competing against), then it might help bring them closer together.   Please do have a look at the resources I've shared with you, and let us know how you go. It might be worth trying the tips shared in these resources, and if you're still having problems, then stepping up to professional support.  ... View more

Hey @Hopesprings123  That is lovely to hear you're going to share the link for the youth forum with your daughter, it is a lovely supportive community and I'm sure she will feel welcome there if she decides to join  Also your reply looks like it went through all correctly on our end - let us know if you have any questions about this  ... View more

Hi @Datchick  Thank you for posting here on the forums  It sounds like you are in a tricky position, I can imagine it would be hard to know what the right thing to do here is, and I don't think it is as simple as being right or wrong either. It's certainly concerning that your child is screaming and hitting themselves when exposed to different foods and that they have such a limited diet. I wonder if it would be worth getting your partner to speak to his mum about what she is able to feed him and how she manages meal times. It also might be something to consult a GP or maternal health nurse about to see what the possible reasons could be and also to check for any deficiencies he could have.     TOM-RO ... View more

Hi @Seahorse47    Sorry to hear things have been really tough for your 15 yr old lately, have you been able to engage with any support from the school? Schools can sometimes be incredibly helpful in these situations with offering options like phased-back-in attendance or assignment extensions, is this something you think could be helpful?   To answer your question about leaving school, it really depends on where you are located. In Australia where our service is based, most states require young people to attend school until the age of 17, but it does differ between locations and the requirements for leaving can be quite varied as well. Is leaving school something your child has been talking about recently? ... View more

Hi @Ellie67 ,    Gosh I can really relate when you say that curious chats aren't always possible! I have a 12 year old (going on 16 some days!), and while I would say that generally our relationship is good, there are some conversations that she absolutely refuses to have.    I'm hearing how much you love and care for your daughter, and I don't think we ever stop worrying about them. It sounds like she is a strong minded, intelligent, and determined young person - and those are all wonderful qualities! But they can also make parenting challenging at times ;)    I did have one idea, which may be a bit out of left field. I'm hearing that a lot of your concerns stem from being worried about her safety. Do  you think she'd be interested in doing a practical class in self defence/ martial arts? When I was in high school (at an all girls school) at a similar age, the school arranged for an ex policeman to come and teach us the basics of self defence, and techniques that are really effective for personal self defence. it was everything from phrases to use, to physical defence moves. That's now longer ago than I'd like to admit, but I've never forgotten it.    It made me more aware of potential risks, but also made me feel more empowered and in control of my body and my safety. It's relatively uncommon, statistically speaking, to be attacked by a stranger.. but having those very basic skills and techniques helped me a lot. And I'm sure it also made my parents feel much less worried when I went to university a few years later!   This is just a thought- let me know what you think! It's a really tricky space for parents to navigate, and I really feel for you @Ellie67  ... View more

Hi Informational,   It sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment with trying to reach an amenable parenting arrangement with your husband. I feel it’s reasonable to have some concerns about your children travelling overseas if you feel his parental care has been lacking in the past. I feel like it’s not a bad idea to request a more detailed itinerary if you feel like you are not able to reasonably contact your ex-partner and children while they are travelling overseas.   It sounds like this situation has been fairly upsetting for your children. How have they been managing so far with the separation? What supports do they have to reach out to?   Do you have any concerns about your children’s safety at the moment? If you have concerns over their wellbeing in the care of your ex-partner, I would urge you to express these concerns with your local child protection agency if you feel these concerns serious.   It can be difficult to determine in these situations if our concerns are reasonable or if we are reacting strongly due to the emotions surrounding a separation and our ex. Have you been able to speak to a counsellor in regards to the separation and your feeling surrounding your ex?   We hope the reach out parenting forums can be of some support to you during this difficult time.   P.S   I have edited your post slightly to remove any identifying information as per our community guideline:   Stay anonymous at all times: please don’t post any information that could identify you or anyone you’re posting about, including school names/ teachers, or link to personal information like blogs or social media accounts. Please respect other people’s anonymity, even if you think you may know them in real life.    For more information please visit the link here for our full community guidelines. ... View more

Hi @RiverGirl    Yeah that sounds tough all round! I can imagine I'd feel very reluctant to get up early if I've had a late nights, that's only natural but it sounds like it's become a bad habit. I would say that the routine is key here. So if you look at the classic "sleep hygiene" ideas, it's all about setting up a good sleep routine to help with these issues. The main thing if nothing else, is to go to bed as close to the same time as possible and get up at the same time regardless of what else is going on. What you've described is hard because your son has trouble with sleep medication and is struggling to self sooth. This sounds like a broader issue but directly impacts sleep. Of course if this continues to be an issue I imagine it will impact almost all other areas of his life socially, emotionally and with study. I'd suggest to always keep professionals involved including general practitioners and even counsellors/psychologists where relevant. Mainly because self soothing can be very important as a coping mechanism overall and getting support around this would be invaluable.  ... View more

Hi Valek! ... Generally it is quite a difficult task to parent children who are clearly very unique and independent in their own way. We appreciate the time you've taken to reflect on how to manage it though. Most studies suggest that positive reinforcement (rewards for doing the right thing) are far more effective in managing behavior than negative reinforcement ( punishing for doing the wrong thing). Not to suggest that there should be no consequences here, but it might be worth thinking about how to encourage her to do the right thing as opposed to how to scare her from doing the wrong thing. (For example, If you agree not to tattoo yourself or others whilst under our roof, we will reward that behaviour by buying you some fake tattoo skin that you can practice on). In terms of teaching her about consequences: Oftentimes its helpful to ask the children themselves what they think is a fair punishment (Surprisingly, they often say things that are actually quite reasonable). One thing i might suggest is getting her to do some tasks like house work. This is because it doesn't socially isolate her (like grounding might). Ultimately its your decision in the end. I think regardless it should be clear to her that the reason she is being punished is because she didn't stick to her commitment, rather than for being interested in tattooing... I hope that helps and don't hesitate to reach out to discuss this more! all the best! ... View more

Hi @makeastand    This sounds like really tough situation for both you and your daughter and I am so sorry to hear about what vile things have been said to her. It must have been really intimidating for her to be in that room and is i frustrating feeling that the school is not taking things as seriously as they should.  I can imagine it would be making you feel powerless as it sounds like you have tried to advocate for her and it doesn't feel like she is being heard. You are limited in what you can do as a parent in this situation, beyond what you have already done. Don't underestimate how important it is that you are there for her emotionally and that you show her that you believe her despite what the school and the other girls are saying. It is so incredibly valuable having a mothers support through such a difficult time. We hope you receive some support on the forums here and we thank you for sharing this with us.      ... View more

The problem is not with your daughter. I feel for your family. Having a very bright child is a blessing, and her brilliance is very sorely needed if humans are to solve the significant survival problems facing us. I also have a very bright child who has had a mixed experience with teachers competent to understand and extend him. Your magic daughter’s behaviour is entirely consistent with contact with a system that has insufficient flexibility to cope with individuals who are exceptional. While the Education authorities are required to ensure all children grow and are extended each year, the practical resource limitations mean that teachers have limited capacity to extend individuals. Most of them haven’t done the free online training for working with gifted and talented students, even when teaching Ignite stream students. Having full marks while attending intermittently and saying it’s “all good” and that attendance is the most important thing shows you two things. Schools highly value attendance, so it’s possibly a metric used to score them (it’s also a legal obligation on parents). Secondly, that attaining their expectation of “high marks” satisfies the school that they are doing their job. If you were employed as a forensic accountant and your boss required you to paint rocks for 7 out of 8 hours a day... how long would you last before refusing to be so misused. The need for challenge and stimulating activity to feel alive (wagging school is a risk taking behaviour that’s stimulating), her difficulty doing boring things and fast and high level thinking ability suggests a condition at the core of her issues but the guidelines prevent discussing it. My son only does half the assigned math questions because once he’s done 3 examples to prove he knows what he’s doing, he says “Why do I have to do these 6 that are the same ?” The Uni level work sounds like a possible idea, if practical. Uni work requires consistent attendance for continuity as more difficult material relies on having learned earlier stuff. Unless she’s just auditing a course for interest. CSIRO also has online material for science nerds that she might enjoy. Homeschool might help, where she can move through material at her pace in 2 days a week and then focus on her own development activities. There are also entrepreneurial organisations which provide extension for students just like your daughter, but guidelines prevent me identifying them. Your daughter is a sharp tool, easily blunted by contact with rigid thinking. She’s fortunate to have such persistent and dedicated parents. ... View more

Welcome to this Science Matters on the Novel  Coronavirus  ( COVID19 ) - a free course to learn about the science underpinning the outbreak response. ... View more

Hi @Advice123    Thank you for reaching out on the forum.    Co-parenting through separation can be a really complicated process. It's nice of you to look into support services for your friend. Here are a few helpful services that your friend can contact for information and support.    MensLine Australia - 1300 78 99 78 Family Relationship Advice Line - 1800 050 321 Legal aid in your local area.  Hope that helps!             ... View more

Hi @LISAR    That sounds like such a tricky situation - weed is the most common drug that young people experiment after alcohol, so you're definitely not alone. We do have some good resources on our parents page about cannabis, its effects on the developing brain and ideas for how to approach those conversations with young people here, interestingly the academics that ReachOut talked to for this piece found that talking about brain development was one thing that really resonated with older teens like your son.  We also have an article here about talking about drug use more generally - it can also be helpful to know why your son is smoking. Is it for enjoyment, to cope with other stuff going on, or a mixture of reasons?    I also really like @PapaBill 's advice above about involving your son in discussions around boundaries, and consequences for when they do get broken.    Do you think your son's anger and shutting himself away are a sign of a bigger issue for him at the moment?  If you think he would be open to chatting to someone about what's going on for him, Headspace centres and eHeadspace can be a great place to start.  Keep us posted with how you're getting on :)  ... View more

Hi @whirly ,    Thanks so much for sharing your experiences here, how is your daughter doing now? The transition to e-learning was rough for so many young people, has your daughter returned to school in person now?    @hk012  I'm so sorry to hear that your son also had such a tough time, how did he go finding work? Has he had any professional support to help him with his mental health at all? I think you're spot on, supporting young people with their mental health truly is so important - and I'm sure he will find his path with such supportive people in his life.  ... View more

Simply exchange yours for his. Alternatively check on gumtree, Facebook market or even the op shops if you don't mind buying used item. ... View more