Hello Taylor, Thank you for the response and such wise words. Yes the relationship with our daughter was filled with sharing moments, engaging conversations and in depth meaningful ties. Her choice to distance herself from her entire family was indeed heavy on our hearts as we did not anticipate this. She was the peace maker and the one who united all parts. Her absence is very much felt by each of us. However as a family who practice respect, love and contentment we have to accept it. It is not easy to any of us and I say on behalf of our family. We had tried to reach her without any success. So after almost 8 months and many many emotional hurdles dealing with this I had started to deal with this in the realms of my emotional consciousness. I have been asking why and the reasons for this lesson. What I can learn from it? Where does it hurt? When I choose to suffer? When I choose to feel the pain? What do I do with it? Where to grow? How to better deal with this to the point I do not break but rather surrender to the situation I am in and accept it with an open heart. I had been through anger, frustration, profound sadness and so many feelings which had nothing but paralyzed me. The feelings I had nourished at the beginning did nothing but victimized my own self. Did not really help towards growth. I had a choice, either I would sit in a corner and cry everyday or live my life. I had opted for the second one after victimizing my own self for many months. Therapy is not the traditional set of a divan and a psychoanalyst but rather what I came across as family constellations. I had done one session when this is all started and I am engaging on the second one in few days. It did help a lot because I could see why I made the unconscious choice of victimizing my self. Now I am about to engage on a much deeper level where I could see only one remedy. To surrender wholeheartedly to the choice our daughter had done. To surrender with an open heart, with love and respect. I am ready for it. Through this journey I had engaged in many readings, podcasts, creativity, healthy cooking; I made time for me. I made time for being kind, generous to myself. There were long walks and meditation ( a lot of it) to quiet the Ego voice and let the heart speak rather than the mind. This journey reminds me constantly that the love for our daughter is much bigger than the choice she made so there is no reason why I should ally myself with a choice that is not mine. The best I can do is to surrender, to accept with an open heart and live my life the best way possible. I am about to engage onto the second family constellation with the same therapist who helped me over one year ago. I believe the elements I need to this last step I will find it and then will start to work in order to practice full acceptance so I can live peacefully the life I choose for me and very importantly do not expect, hope or imagine anything beyond what is real and what is now.
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