hi @hermum76 It is heart breaking to see our children hurt, and to see it from someone we love is even worse. I don't have a personal experience with this so I cant offer any wisdom based on what I found work. How is your eldest with others? Surely your eldest has had to learn to get along with others at school (maybe work?) Your eldest is right she cant force her self to like someone she doesn't. Nor can we force changes in the way our children feel about things. What she CAN do as a parent is demand your is our children behave in civil manner towards others. The reality is your eldest needs to learn to positively interact with people she doesn't like as she moves in to university / work. I would suggest observing the behaviors of your eldest and identify which ones are unacceptable and addressing the behaviors with your eldest. Teens are the masters on non-verbal messages so be sure to look for rolling eyes big huffs and sighs abrupt answers or ignoring conversations etc etc. Maybe ask your youngest what upsets her the most and if that is something that is unacceptable address that with the eldest. When raising it with the eldest, I suggest addressing the behavior with out the youngest around. Make it about the eldest having to learn to behave civilly with those she doesn't like because you have to when you are an adult.
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How are you going this week? @PapaBill has offered some amazing insights as a fellow parent, what are your thoughts after reading the response here? One thing that really sticks out for me, is the validation that what your daughter is going through is completely understandable for a teen, and that the fact you are reaching out for support shows how much love you have for your daughter!
Being a teen is tough and it sounds like your daughter has had a really hard time with friendships. Are the school aware of the difficult time she has had making and sustaining friendships?
Teen years are turbulent years for friendships, where teens are still learning and shaping who they are and where they fit with others- for many people this continues well into young adulthood. One thing I have seen working with young people for a while now is that they eventually find where they are comfortable and where they have a sense of belonging with others. For many young people, this happens after school when there is a wider group of people, where there is more opportunity to meet people of similar interests, and where the group dynamics of high school don't have as much of an impact.
Does your daughter have any interests/hobbies?
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Thanks for reaching out @Nero4554. I did not mean to cause any offence, just wanted to clarify as we take all mentions of self-harm and suicide seriously. It can be difficult to know what is going on inside someone's head so it is best to take all precautions possible Please keep us updated.
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