Hi @missymoo13 , welcome to the ReachOut community! It takes strength to reach out for support, and your willingness to connect here shows just how resilient you are as a parent. It's clear that you care deeply about your children and their well-being.  I’m really sorry to hear about the challenges you and your family have faced and are currently facing. Dealing with family violence and the subsequent impacts on your children sounds incredibly painful and overwhelming, and I wanted to acknowledge your courage in facing such difficult circumstances. It's understandable to feel let down by systems that were meant to protect your family. Your commitment to self-care amidst these circumstances is admirable. Taking care of yourself, no matter how small the gesture, is crucial during tough times. Your tip for parents navigating the teenage years is insightful and reflective of your understanding of the importance of giving teens the space to grow and discover themselves. It can be really important to strike that balance between offering support and granting independence.  I encourage you to create your own thread here to share more about your journey and to connect with other parents who may be going through similar challenges. And I wish you all the luck in finding connection and support within the ReachOut community ... View more

Hi @Heidot, Thank you so much for sharing your tips! Your advice about finding your own rationale, keeping at it and making a compromise you are happy with is very helpful and insightful. As you know, boundary setting can take a lot of effort and time - making it a journey rather than a simple process. I also like what you mentioned about the influence of other people. You are so right, others might add their opinion, but at the end of the day, it is your decision. It is so important to back yourself, even though it can be difficult at times especially if you are going against the grain, so to speak. What you mentioned about feeling comfortable about your choice really does say it all as this is the most important part of any decision making ... View more

Hi @AmberP, I think yoga is definitely a learning process. There are a lot of videos on YouTube and I think it is about finding a particular style of yoga or a yoga teacher that suits you the best. I would also advise to take it slow and be patient with yourself! If you feel like yoga isn't working out for you, you can always try something different too. There are benefits to other strength and exercise practices too! ... View more

Thanks for sharing @Louis333 it's really useful to share info like that with other parents here who are homeschooling. How is your son going now? Are you still homeschooling? ... View more

You should try an outside online program or tutoring. My high school soon did kumon and Beestar. He is a special education student, and how the question breaks down work out for him.  ... View more

Hi all , thanks for the suggestions . I have spoken to his mother and reading between the lines the parents have been inconsistent with their boundaries and discipline . They also acknowledge they need to do more to make him accountable .  They have allowed him to sit around and accepted his refusal to do chores or exercise .  I am keeping in touch with them !      ... View more

Hi @Trapet, I'm just wondering how things have panned out for you and your son. I can relate to your situation so well, and I think that by allowing your son a choice was an awesome move. I'm interested to hear what he decided.   Education can be so stressful when our kids are struggling or refusing to go, but we are lucky these days to have more understanding and support that kids mental health has to come first. There are various study avenues they can follow when they choose.   My daughter ended up being enrolled with distance education which has been a great move for us. She was refusing to go to school, and she is now only doing the core subjects in middle school, so is ineligible to go on to Years 11 & 12. However without this enrolment she likely would've ended up with no education at all. She has plans to go to TAFE or Uni next year instead, which for me is such a huge relief!   Despite what schools say, they have a long way to go to get a handle on preventing and stopping bullying. The serious issue isn't dealt with well enough, and our kids are suffering because of it. My daughter was told she needed to toughen up, and got into trouble one day after going the year advisor after she was bullied. Not okay!!   We'd love to hear how your son is progressing if you have a few moments. ... View more

Awesome :) ... View more

I'm so glad to hear that things are more settled today for you @Mbfwt. Having somewhere to turn when you're feeling low can make such a difference. I'm happy you felt heard and supported here.   Oh wow, you have all been through an ordeal and a half! It's such a frightening and stressful time when your child is self harming. (I did just change your wording to remain within the guidelines.) It sounds like the hospital looked after you both really well, and really helped with some great information and medication. I can hear the relief you are feeling today, it's fantastic! I'm so relieved for your daughter that she is feeling much better today too. It's so scary for them too, being out of control. I took a video of my daughter once when she was totally out of control, and watching it back I could see the fear in her eyes that I couldn't see at the time because of my own emotions. Heartbreaking!   While I can't talk about specific medications, my daughter takes an anti psychotic to help with her moods, sleep and psychosis. We find it works well in combination with learning new coping skills. I hope your daughter's psychiatrist can continue on from where the mental health nurse left off. Is there anyway you can get your daughter in to see the mental health team at the hospital regularly? Mine see the CYMHS team at our local hospital.    It's also fabulous that you have things you do to look after yourself. But also remember to be compassionate towards yourself on the days you are human and aren't coping so well. It's completely normal, and we all have them. I don't think there'd be a parent here who hasn't lost it at one point or another! It provides an opportunity to communicate and repair and teach our kids that valuable lesson, so it's not all bad.    You got help when you needed it, and the outcome has been one that's given you and your daughter some relief. High five mum!   Keep us posted      ... View more

I'm like you @Ngaio-RO, I'm up very late most nights. That began so I had some alone time in the day, and has continued even though my daughter is up until 1-2am. She has trouble getting to sleep but will then sleep until midday. Luckily distance ed work can be completed at any time of the day - or night!   I can be up until the early hours, and I'm usually up around 10, but it catches up with me and one night a week I get to bed before midnight.    So I reckon my daughter gets about 10 hours a night. I probably get 5-7, but would love more. Night time is when it's quiet and I can write without being disturbed though...   5am - in my world that's a swear word! That's the time I get up for a pee and am so grateful to get back into my warm bed for a few more hours.  ... View more

My girls now cook most of our meals. On the few nights I do it as a surprise they come home and say what's for dinner? I reply Mum's special! They get so excited but when I say Nan's special they demand the recipe!! I tell them it's in my will.. I get the oh come on mum.. It's very hard to get those family recipes until someone stands next to someone older and spies.. ... View more

Thanks for the replies. I have read that a lot of people are going through the same. I am hearing the same advice and the different time frames of when that person came back, finally. I only hope that my situation turns out for the better also. Hearing these stories gives me hope. I will never stop trying, although at times I think it's pointless!! ... View more

Hey @LovingThruBlue, (Peer Supporter in Training! ) that's awesome news re the work experience and the lack of need for hospitalisation for your daughter. Hopefully the work experience has helped give your daughter a bit of direction for her near future.    I'm just amazed that you cannot even get test results from the GP. The whole thing wouldn't sit well with me either and I can understand your frustration. My daughter gets to decide what, if anything is shared with her father, but I have full custody and he's only met her once which didn't go well. Being the parent your daughter is raised by and lives with, it just seems like an incomplete care package without you being kept in the loop.   @Lily17's suggestion may be a good option for you? It must be so hard to read Lily17, my heart goes out to you. And to your T2. We live it daily, but seeing it in writing, I think for me, made it really real.   Do either you or LovingThruBlue have counsellors to help you get through? I used one, separate to my therapist for my mental health stuff, for a couple of years. It was a place for me to unload, learn, and have some parenting support. But then again, we didn't have the parent forum then... ... View more

yes, that's fine :-)   ... View more

@Lily17 this so resonated with me.   My grandmother lived with us growing up, and her 'ways' were imprinted on me from a young age. My children quite often ask 'why' do I do something that way, and the only explanation is because that is 'how' you do it. It was how I was shown/told/experienced it growing up.    While my own children haven't experienced this, I still make sure they are taught our families ways.   Thanks for this great post ! ... View more

@Lily17 My daughter and I chat openly and we both believe that heart comes first as a label .. someone who has heart feeling , ie who they are , someone who can be true to their feelings in their heart however that pathway is.  A journey is not always without its challenges yet i believe our life purpose is to explore our self and what it means to be human.  I have so far learnt that it is important to be.  to be present and mindful of how I feel and be with that to know that however that feeling arises it ha spurpose as it arise from within to be heard, listened to and have trust with acknowledging the feeling will show the lesson.   So I am pleased to live following my heart , if that leads to a feeling of expressing a sexuality of choice then a great human is one who can voice to oneself the freedom which they have to follow their own path.      No doubt people are evolving to trust that this freedom is within their ability and the responsible from that freedom is self care of their true self.  Once this is achieved life is simply authentic.      nothing beats An authentic heart space , intimate connect with self and/ or others, intimacy, love and sex is the icing on that cake ... to have ones cake and eat it !      ... View more

Thank you @GrhRo, that's really kind of you to say. You ask a very valid question. Thinking back to 6 years ago, I had no idea where to turn, and no idea what was happening or why. I became aware of services because initially the only thing I knew to do was call the Police to take my daughter, and I was taken to hospital because I was suicidal. My daughter stayed with my parents for 4 months, until they couldn't cope and were making arrangements for foster care. I couldn't do it, and she came home with me, and I have grasped at all the help I could, which started off with DoCs who I think set us up with TBS. I blog and I might start writing here more about how bad things were, hoping that if parents can see that others are talking about it, it may encourage them to seek help and understand that these places are not about judgement, but about help and support, and healing families.   Time to act is crucial, but that time is never too late! I'd love to show parents that getting help really can change the situation.  ... View more

I had a feeling it would resonate @Big_Crab I spoke to @Ben-RO who runs the youth community and he said it's very loved there too. ... View more

I think during the through the tough times taking it one day at a time is the best way to go @Big_Crab. It's great your daughter has something to look forward to. It will help keep her focused on something positive.   I hope you're coping okay. It is awful watching your child suffer in any way. I think each parent's situation is relative, and I certainly don't think your situation is any smaller or easier than anyone else's. A child suffering is a child suffering, it's not a scaleable in my belief. Neither is our worry, love, concern or hardship in dealing with it. Like you , I am grateful that we are all to support each other, no matter what the situation.    I had the same problem not being able to leave a message, but it was late so I just figured the thread had been closed for the night. I hope you have found my apology messages I floating around in the threads @Ngaio-RO!  ... View more

Sorry I haven't replied earlier @Ngaio-RO. Tuesday nights are good for me.  ... View more

Thanks so much for replying @Bigash I am so sorry to hear how hard this is for you and the boys.  It's hard enough to go through a break-up and try and organise custody let alone having to deal with the boys being hurt and nothing happening to change it.  Those poor kids. I really hope you all get a good solution soon.   You already have DoCS and the police involved. Which is great. Because there's a record of the abuse and your concerns.   How is your legal representation? If you need legal advice you can try Law Access, click here, they give free legal advice over the phone. Or you can click here to search for the closest Community Legal Centre. They have times when you can go in and get free face to face advice as well as arrange representation.   The other option might be looking onto advocacy groups who could support you through this. Or do you feel like you have all the support you need?     ... View more

That sounds so positive @Big_Crab! I'm so happy your daughter has been able to untie herself from the belief that her illness defines her, that's just awesome. I really hope she enjoys her degree and the flexibility is wonderful.   Thank you so much for the update  ... View more

It is currently my busy period at work, and there are a lot of deadlines looming.   I have found one way to help to destress is to ensure I go for a walk during the day, only 15 or 20 minutes. It is amazing what exposure to the sun can do for your mood and stress levels. I also make sure to leave my phone on my desk and take in the sounds and smells around me.    Have you purchased something for your self-care goody bag this week?  ... View more

Thank you for your response @Big_Crab. I think we have a consensus is that communication is our most powerful solution for our teens. I agree with the fact that if we can set up trusted and open communication with our kids, we are in the best position to help and support them deal with whatever they come across online.   ... View more

Hello @Dolphin_73 Welcome to ReachOut Parents. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm sorry things are so hard for you all at the moment. It's a very difficult space to be in when everyone is upset and hurt and it comes out as anger. Conflict within families is so difficult. I agree with @Big_Crab that it sounds like there's more at play here than just your daughter being spoiled. And when you have a number of different desires vying to be met that can be problematic. My first question is, what would you like to see as an outcome? Because sometimes when we are in the middle of conflict, especially one we've been fighting for years, we can lose sight of what it is we're fighting for. If you can, a great place to start to undo a long drawn out conflict, is to sit down and write out what you think everyone wants out of this. What's everyone's driving force? Do you feel comfortable sharing that here? ... View more

We missed having you @taokat But there's always next time.  ... View more

Thanks @taokat  That's great to hear. ... View more

Feel free to promote this among your friends and social networks. It's a surprisingly easy undertaking, can be as little as a couple of hours, depending on what you want to cover.   I think some people might see the word 'coaching' and think it's like a 12 week, intensive, training course. But it's really a lot easier, and more flexible, than that. ... View more