@lookingforhlp28 Oh, sweetie. I hear your deep love and concern for your daughters. I will come back, write a longer response, and check in with you soon (it's night time in my part of the world), but I did not want you to welcome you to this community of great folk. Your pain has been heard. It is very, very difficult being the parent who tries to 'hold the no'/keep boundaries for the safety of your gals, as well as the well being of everyone else in your home. From what it seems, your husband may have been trying to reinforce the rules of your home as well? No abusive language and so on. If that is the case, then I wouldn't have him apologize. If things were said in addition/in heat that that warrant an apology, sure...maybe an apology on his part is warranted. But, I wouldn't dwell on his behaviour as his actions seem like a bit of a 'red herring' in all of this. Do the girls receive counseling at all? Do you receive counselling as a family (any combination of family members)? What about you? Do you have a counsellor that supports you? I get your worry that you will never see the girls again and that they might never go to your home again. It sounds like you and your older daughter have recently transitioned back to having a relationship again and I imagine the fear of losing her again seems very close and real. Plus, your fears are further magnified by the absence of solid parenting at their dad's house. I get that. Is there the opportunity to meet with them somewhere else? Take them for lunch or another outing? Yes, to some it might seem that you're rewarding their behaviour, but perhaps the goal is to just make a little bit of contact again. If they will meet you, then maybe the message is that their behaviour towards you has been unacceptable *and, at the same time, you will always love them. One of the future goals might be too call them on their behaviour and establish some home rules, but perhaps the focus now, when things are more tenuous, is on 'connection' over 'correction'? Are they still engaged with/attending school? Is there a school counsellor there that can be of any support? Initiate contact with them etc.? Again, welcome to this forum. Please send an update or more details when you can.
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