Thank you for replying, unfortunately my parents taking her on a regular basis isn’t an option. They live several hours away and they both work full time - (they both had a week off so that’s why they where able to have her). She goes to her dads house one night a week for dinner, so I do get a couple of hours once a week. And I hate to admit that I really look forward to the times she is with her dad. I have a referral for rebated psychologist sessions. I’m from a small town and the only services we have in town are you pay up front and if you have a referral under a mental health plan, you get a refund straight away. But having the full amount upfront is the problem. I just feel so lost and hopeless at the moment
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My daughter is 5, and don’t get me wrong. I do love her, I just hate being a parent. Her father and I split November 2019 and have been on my own since. He didn’t do much in the way of raising her (part of the reason we split) but at least there was another adult there to talk to. I do family daycare so I work from home, I’ve been doing this since she was 6 months old, and started doing it so that I could get the whole “stay at home mum” experience and still earn some income. I love my job and I love my daycare children as if they where my own. But come 4pm when the last child leaves I’m so emotionally drained from being “switched on”, and just yearn to be left alone. And the minute the last child leaves she’s demanding my attention, I don’t blame her I can imagine it would be hard to have to share mum with other kid’s. She is completely involved with all the other children in the learning and activities we do during the day, and I spend one on one time with her while the daycare babies nap in the middle of the day. A few weeks ago my parents had her for a week so I could have a break. And I feel guilty saying that it was the best week I’ve had in a long time. Yes I did miss her, and we face timed every night to talk about her day and to say goodnight. But it was peaceful. I don’t know if it’s the stress of having to stay home all the time now, or what but I’m really not coping with being a parent. I look at other parents and feel envious on how well they took the mother hood. No doubt they have their struggles, but I doubt they hate motherhood as much as I do. I just don’t feel like I’m cut out for the job and I’m worried my daughter will be grow up “wrong”. I don’t even know what I’m looking for, maybe just to know I’m not alone in how I feel.
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