Hi there Read your post just wanted to let you know you and your son are not alone with what is happening. Adhd makes life a lot more challenging and interesting that’s for sure. I just wanted to say I have a son with adhd and when he was 13 he really challenged us with his behaviour. In hindsight he was reacting to his father and myself separating. Life was very stressful. (We recognised this pretty early so my ex and I have worked hard to keep things friendly especially for our sons sake. We realised if our son he sees us being angry and not respectful, how can we expect him to be...). As a result he really pushed every boundary possible. Behaviour at school was not good, in fact he was expelled from one school and suspended twice from another school. But we got through it and now he is a lot better. Many people comment on his good behaviour now and his excellent manners and that he is a pleasure to be around. in fact safe to say you would think he is a different child 😉. So what worked for us? In a loving way we stood very firm and we pushed back when he was misbehaving. what I mean by that was we said we love you, we know you love us and we know you have a good heart, but what you are doing is not okay. Also crucial thing that worked for him was we made sure we were hands on in his life. We did recreational things together to reinforce our bond. We were fair, but firm. Also another critical thing was the people he was associating with. The children he was hanging out with at school was so influential in his behaviour. The school he was going to was very rough and there was a lot of fighting. Our son was misbehaving at school so his peers would respect him. So we kept talking to him about right and wrong and about making good decisions. For example, If he wanted to go to a friends for a sleep over we said “is this person a good person” ? If we didn’t feel comfortable we would say no I’m sorry son I don’t want you going there because I do not know that you will be safe. We made him think about his choices. If it was a better choice of friend next time we said okay you can stay at this friends house but only if we can speak to the parents. So he knew we were keeping a close eye on him. As soon as we could we changed his school to a much better school, actually he went to trade college and this also had a big impact for the better on him. Much more positive environment. I’ll be honest there were times when we felt stressed and angry. But we never gave up. A very big thing for you is to make sure you feel supported as a parent. You need someone outside the family that you can talk objectively to. Who you can get support from. You need me time as well so you can relax and this will help you be a calmer and clearer parent. That’s what worked for us. I really think your son will be okay but it’s going to take work. Ask him to look at himself and think about who he wants to be. 9 times out of 10 it will be the right answer. All the best.
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