Hi @missymoo13 , welcome to the ReachOut community! It takes strength to reach out for support, and your willingness to connect here shows just how resilient you are as a parent. It's clear that you care deeply about your children and their well-being.  I’m really sorry to hear about the challenges you and your family have faced and are currently facing. Dealing with family violence and the subsequent impacts on your children sounds incredibly painful and overwhelming, and I wanted to acknowledge your courage in facing such difficult circumstances. It's understandable to feel let down by systems that were meant to protect your family. Your commitment to self-care amidst these circumstances is admirable. Taking care of yourself, no matter how small the gesture, is crucial during tough times. Your tip for parents navigating the teenage years is insightful and reflective of your understanding of the importance of giving teens the space to grow and discover themselves. It can be really important to strike that balance between offering support and granting independence.  I encourage you to create your own thread here to share more about your journey and to connect with other parents who may be going through similar challenges. And I wish you all the luck in finding connection and support within the ReachOut community ... View more

Hi @Ellie22 , Welcome to the ReachOut Parent Forums! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. It is amazing to see improvements where there was once great difficulty and concern. Stories like yours bring hope to parents in similar situations and may help ease negative feelings and emotions. I hope everything continues to go well with your son and family!  ... View more

Hi @SamsonAdams, Thanks for reaching out and offering support to others in the Community. Just a friendly reminder to please ensure you are following the Community Guidelines as outlined here when doing so, as parts of your post have needed to be removed to better align with the guidelines. ... View more

Hi @Day86, thank you for sharing your story. It is great that you are reaching out to get support for your son. Meltdowns can be really difficult to manage, especially when you feel stuck. What supports do you have at the moment? What things have you tried already? ... View more

Hi JoeLou20048   Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that your son is not attending school and feels like a freak. It sounds like the poor thing is going through a really difficult time .   It's great that you have made an appointment for you/ your son to see a GP - hopefully, they can look into some support/intervention options for your son.   Staying calm and responsive is great. Some parents find it hard to know what to do/say and find getting professional support helpful. Some support options include: ReachOut Parents One-on-One Support is a free service for parents/carers of 12 to 18-year-olds and includes up to four sessions with a professional experienced in supporting families. You can learn more about this service here. Parentline is a phone service for parents and carers of children from birth to 18 years old. They offer free, confidential, and anonymous counseling and support on parenting issues. The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call (the number differs per state) if you're interested.  Please keep us updated on you/ your son's progress . ... View more

Are you okay? ... View more

Hello @dafodil , I am sorry to hear about the stressful situation that you are in. It sounds like you care a lot about your son and want the best for him. It is great to see the support that you have received so far on from our community. @Aj81lv  raised some good points and provided some lovely advice and suggestions. The idea of trying out some activities that you enjoyed with your son sounds like it might be helpful to consider. Hopefully some of our other community members will jump in soon to offer some more lovely suggestions and support.   Please feel free to keep us updated here on the forums if you would like .   ... View more

It sounds like you have taken many approaches to support your son @Nowayout, and I can imagine how exhausted and stressed you must be at the moment.    Feeling as though you can't win, no matter what you try, must be horrible. You sound like an incredibly resourceful and determined parent who is doing everything in their power to improve the situation.    I want to reassure you that we are here to hold space for you when things are tough - sometimes, just getting it all off your chest can help to get through the day. Are there any activities that allow you to relax and refresh at this challenging time?    If it's helpful for you, feel free to keep us updated as things unfold, and we'll do what we can to support you.  ... View more

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts @Littlelost, @Conker and @Birdwings - this is such an interesting discussion. I really like your approach of allowing your daughter to have both the benefits and the responsibilities of being independent, like washing, etc @Littlelost - it sounds like there could be some really valuable lessons in that experience for her, and I agree it's important to model self-care and healthy boundaries to our young people. I'm so glad your daughter is now texting to let you know where she is. Is that helping - at least in terms of worrying about her safety? ... View more

Thanks so much for sharing your experience @Birdwings I wanted to let you know that I edited your post to remove eating disorder methods in accordance with our guidelines.   It's so hard living in a society where being slim is promoted and seen as the standard of 'health' even when for some people it can reflect that they're facing a lot of challenges health-wise - physically, as it sounds like your daughter has, or psychologically.    It'd be nice if society would move on from judging people for the way they look, but unfortunately it's still so common. I'm so sorry that people have been contributing to your worries about your daughter's relationship with food by praising her for being petite.    It can definitely be really hard to know when it's something to keep an eye on, or when more support is needed. Maddy-RO mentioned the Butterfly Foundation above - if you're interested in taking a look at their website, they have some really helpful resources, as well as support groups and a helpline in case you'd like any advice or information. ... View more

Dear @Lookatthat78,   I'm sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time getting your son to blow his nose.   We encourage you to speak with a professional about your experience so that you can receive the right support, tailored to you and your son.   We noticed you're from America. We are an Australian-based service so our employees do not know all of the services available to you in America. In Australia, we have a helpline called Parentline, where parents can call for anonymous parenting advice. We would encourage you to do a google search for a  similar service in your country.   In Australia, we also have a website for parents of young children that has lots of great advice and information. Here is the information relevant to toddlers (1-3 yr olds) https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers Here is information relevant to preschoolers (3-5 yr olds) https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers We encourage you to have a read of the articles on this website. Hopefully, you can find some information that is relevant to you and your situation.   Please let us know how you go!   ... View more

I'm sorry to hear you don't have any relatives who could help @Hushpuppy11  but it does sound like a plan to ask the police for support if asking your daughter's father to put the things outside doesn't work. Best of luck - I hope it all goes smoothly.  ... View more

Hi @Blended90, and thanks for posting.   With knowing so little, it is hard to say whether you should or shouldn't invite her...It depends on what you and your partner want out of the situation...   You might want to try a problem-solving technique... so:   1) identify your goal, or the type of relationship you want with your step-daughter. 2) Consider the pros and cons of inviting her and not inviting her, and try and evaluate whether this would bring you closer or farther from your goal.   It might also be good for you and your partner to set some boundaries with the step-daughter, and to tell her you love her and want her company but will not accept x, y, z behaviours. This might be better coming from your partner instead of you, given that he's her father (correct me if I'm wrong but that's how I interpreted your post).   Please let us know how you go! ... View more

Hi @Bperilous    I'm sorry to hear about what's been happening with your son. It sounds like it is really getting to him. It's unfortunate that his friends are no longer inviting him to social gatherings outside of school.   I'm sure many parents can relate to what your experiencing, so thank you for sharing. It is hard to watch out children be excluded and to suffer emotionally. It's good that you're conscious of his mental health and wanting to support him.   It's unfortunate that he has closed himself off from you, and that he is not open to talking about things. I'm wondering how you tend to broach the topic with him? How many times have you tried thus far?   Without knowing too much about your situation, I'd say it's important to let him know that you are there for him and that you love and care about him no matter what, if you haven't already expressed this already. Remind him that he can always talk to you.   Another thing is that, generally speaking, it is important for people who are feeling sad,  lacking motivation, and have stopped doing things to actually start doing things again. Motivation doesn't just appear - it comes from doing things. A good place to start may be by getting him to do things that he once enjoyed. However, I think it is important not to fall into the trap of pestering him too much, or putting too much pressure on him, as this may be unhelpful for him and your relationship. So, it might be useful to give this a try and see how he responds to it.   I'd encourage you to seek professional support on how to best support him. Having the insight of a mental health professional can be extremely useful in these instances. So, even if he's not open to getting the help or getting therapy, you can still get it so that you know how to best support him. It may also be helpful for your own mental health because it is often quite stressful to see someone you love struggling.   We have some articles that you might find useful. I thought I'd link some for you here:   https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/mental-health/getting-help-for-teenagers   https://parents.au.reachout.com/skills-to-build/connecting-and-communicating/effective-communication-and-teenagers   https://parents.au.reachout.com/skills-to-build/connecting-and-communicating/supportive-parenting-and-teenagers   We hope this information helps. Feel free to keep us updated on your situation. ... View more

i deal with covid when i take my daughter to school and it is so annoying ... View more

Hi @Dad4good    Thank you for the update. It sounds like a lot has gone on for you over the past few years, and that you're feeling quite concerned over your son.   It is quite natural for parents to worry about their children. It's important to try and remember that as long as you are doing the best you can, then that is all that you can really do. I'm glad to hear that things have improved for him and that your youngest child is mentally well. I think engaging her in psychological treatment was a good precuatiounary measure, to try and maximise the chances that she remains mentally healthy, especially given some of what she has witnessed.    How do you tend to cope with your worry about your son? Do you have any tips to try and manage that at the moment?   Also, just letting you know that I did edit our descriptions of self-harm/suicide out of your post, as they this be triggering to members and is against our community guidelines.  I have replaced them with terms such as 'tried suicide' and 'self harm.' We hope this is okay with you. ... View more

This unusual request was quite a shock for you. A misunderstanding? Getting those 'wires crossed'....? Or....Something far more serious? This incident has left you worried with questions regarding your son's behaviour.   Perhaps it was a 'one-off' encounter. A confused fifteen year old may not think of the devastating consequences a simple incident like this can have. The internet and 'social media' may have contributed because everything imaginable - and unimaginable - is available for all to experience. It's only fair to say that your son could have been influenced by something online. Access to any form of 'adult material' is straightforward enough to navigate for today's high-technology conscious, computer literate teenagers. Combined with their mixed emotions........ There could be the possibility that someone had 'dared' your son to do it. The Covid-19 pandemic means more time spent online. Conversations about sex - physical or online between teenagers - may have instilled a sense of sexual insecurity within your son. There could be something deeper going on for your son to make this unusual request and it's a problem that will need to be addressed. It's going to be important for your son's welfare to deal with this now - rather than wait for another 'incident'. It's concerning he didn't understand why you were angry at him whilst not knowing why he did it. This is a point that could be worth investigating. There's the question of how he'll be with other people.  It may help to discuss with your son the possibility of undergoing counselling. Your son is very upset over this matter and may be willing to seek help. Is the lad dealing with any issues that you are unaware of? Has someone been talking about their own experiences? Has your son experienced some kind of undisclosed trauma? The full realisation of being told to stay away from his sister will impact upon your son very hard. Is he upset because he understands what he said was wrong?....Or....Is he upset because he doesn't understand? This is awkward for both you and your son.  There's now the issue of how to re-build the relationship with him.  It's understandable to feel anger and disgust. You don't want to touch him at all because of this incident and you've told him to stay away from his sister. Perhaps an alternative would be to work at getting closer to your son whilst allowing close - yet supervised - contact with his sister. Feeling supported and valued by the family will hopefully instil a sense of security for your son. Your son will need to understand why you feel he should not be left alone with his sister. After this incident, he needs to be told that it's only fair that you don't trust him to be alone with her. Underneath all of this, you may be wondering what has gone wrong. It's a situation no-one can really understand until it happens to them. There may at least be something positive to come out of this incident. Both you and your son have identified the problem early enough to address this and make amends. Coupled with the good fortune for this to happen in the privacy of your own home. It's not much consolation for you, but this could have been worse. It could have happened elsewhere and in public. At least you can deal with this privately. There are permissions and personal boundaries involved here.  Your son did ask permission.....Yet he crossed a boundary. It seems your son could be dealing with something deeper, as this incident is  unusual and disturbing. Is it a case of teaching your son that what he did was wrong? ....Or.... Let him explore why he asked you to do this for him? This is where the counselling can help. This must be very difficult for you. Although there's a part of you that wants him to stay far away from both you and your daughter, now is the time to keep your son very close. ... View more

Hi @andrew60 ,   I have to say I can relate so strongly to your post- I was also a sole parent from when my oldest child was born until she was 4.5 years old- I was really lucky to have  supportive family and friends, but some days could definitely feel very long, and there were some days where I was just beyond desperate for adult conversation. I can really relate to the boredom sometimes too! Looking after young kids is wonderful but the day in, day out monotony of keeping the house running/  keeping everyone fed and clothed, preparing food etc could really feel like groundhog day sometimes.  I feel like there's sometimes a bit of stigma around talking about the aspects of parenting that can be tough, or boring, or monotonous - it doesn' t mean that we don't love our kids or love being parents - and I do also think there's a lot to the notion that humans are really by nature social animals, and we aren't necessarily designed to raise our kids in isolation! I found local parents' groups helpful for helping to build my "village" and having the occasional dinner where we'd all cook together and watching each other's kids really helped a lot.  Do you have any friends that you could do this with, or even set up a bit of a mutual babysitting arrangement so that you can get some more child free time?    I found playgroups a really helpful way of staying connected with grownups while I had my kids and at least being able to have adult conversations, have any activities like that opened up where you are? I also found joining things like local bookclub and doing a meditation course to be really helpful in helping me feel like I was doing something for myself.     Thanks so much for your post @andrew60 - you're definitely not alone. Raising small kids is an amazing time of life, but it can also be isolating and exhausting, and it's really good to have that conversation here.  ... View more

Drop him out of school and change the school... ... View more

Hi Uncle 75, Welcome to our Reach Out Parents Forum. I'm a parent with a 16 year old son and 14 year old daughter. In many ways, our family seems incredibly sorted out because my husband and I are still together and our kids are doing alright but not without challenging phases and moments. However, our kids have been through fairly extensive trauma due to my ongoing health issues which can be very dramtic, intense and terrifying and have been that way since our second child was born. So, we've had to deal with trauma, the threat of them losing their Mum, none of us coping and then landing back on our feet again as though nothing has happened. Security has been a big issue for our kids through this, anxiety and at times needing to take responsibility beyond their years.  Without meeting your niece, I can imagine some of the trauma and serious disappointment she has experienced and how she might view her role in all of this. Much of the response to this does belong in the realm of professionals and there are professionals who are well trained and experienced in this area. However, there's so much you are already doing by gaining custody and bringing her into your family and you evidently love her very dearly and are very concerned for her welfare. Please don't underestimate what you're already doing and how you being her uncle and family is making such a difference to her. One of my kids has had some very dark moments where I've had to talk them through. One of the things I used there was having something to look forward to say like a bushwalk, ferry ride, movie. Craft is a good outlet for this age group and colouring in. Find out what she enjoys and is good at and encourage her there. We've been members of scouts for years and that's been fantastic.I would also make contact with her school. It's a bit hard at the moment with covid, but you could at least chat on the phone.  The other thing with self-harm etc is that it does make you worry, stress and even freak out as a bystander. Try to look after yourself and destress, slow your breathing and do whatever it is which helps you keep a level head.  I hope this helps, and it's really good that you've come here to touch base and share what's going on. I've found it's really hard to connect with my usual friends due to covid and I also like the anonymity of this forum.  Best wishes, Birdwings.  ... View more

Hi @fdixon    Thanks for showing support and sharing what's going on for you. Also, welcome to ReachOut. I have had to edit out your contact details as it is against the following guideline of ours:   - Never reveal any personal details of your own or others: stay anonymous (this includes email addresses and links to social media pages like Facebook, Youtube, tumblr etc)   For more information on our guidelines, see here. ... View more

Hey @stressedmum4    Welcome to our forums and thank you for sharing what's going on with you. It must be really difficult to see such a change in your daughter and it would understandably leave you feeling a little worried about her.   I'm wondering if POTS was recently diagnosed...was it? And if so, how bad is it? Is it possible that this condition could be "getting" to her emotionally? If she's not able to do what she once could, then I imagine it would be quite an adjustment for her. Her condition could also be causing her to lay down /sleep - I mean, if standing is uncomfortable for her, then it makes sense that she is laying down. It might be worth booking her in with a psychologist for support, ideally a health psychologist, or someone who is familiar with POTS. A health psychologist could assist her with adjusting to her illness.   It sounds like you really care about your daughter and like you are doing your best to support her. It's so hard sometimes, especially if they don't open up. I imagine as a parent it would be hard to watch that - you know, we just want the best for our kids. I thought I'd inform you of a few services that may be of use to you. We have a one-on-one, free, coaching service where you can get advice and support on child-related matters. You can register for a session here. I thought I'd also inform you of ParentLine -they offer free and confidential counselling and support to parents and carers on any parenting issues they may be facing. The number for Parentline differs per state. Scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number to call if you're interested.    If your daughter does end up opening up to you a little bit more, and if she says that she is a little distressed/upset at the moment, please feel free to give her Kids Helpline's number for free, one on one counseling. You can find their contact details towards the bottom of this page here. She may also like to join are Youth Forum for peer support which can be found here. It's anonymous forum and a lot of our young users find it really helpful to be able to connect with others going through similar situations.   Please keep us posted with how things go with your daughter. Hopefully she starts opening up about things soon (assuming something is wrong). ... View more

Hey there @Kathy  I hope things improve with your daughters energy levels now you're getting on top of the low iron. It's really great to hear that you don't want to put pressure on her with schooling, and you're right that there are a lot of options for following your dreams. And good on you talking to the school about what is going on, were they helpful and receptive? You said you're considering a psychologist, this could be a good idea to see if there is anything else going on for her, how is she feeling about the possibility of seeing a psychologist?  So lovely that you take her roller skating, its great to be able to do fun things together    I also just want to note that we've got a one-to-one coaching service for parents that you can find here if you or @fallingapart or @Marii wanted to check it out for extra support. ... View more

Hey @dav9011    Welcome to our forums!   Good question. It made me wonder whether you are a young parent yourself. Are you? ... View more

Hello @csmith31, it’s great to hear that you found the links to be helpful. I hope that your son gives them a good read and considers using the services when needed. Sounds like you are really supportive of your son, which is lovely. I hope that you find that the situation with the school counsellor is sorted out soon. It is also really great that you are looking into other support services and are open to trying new things out. I would suggest asking the school counsellor or even speaking to a mental health professional at Parentline about any other local services or support groups that might be appropriate for you and your son to look in to. You might find that these services provide additional support. I hope that things get better soon or your family.  ... View more

Hi @Rachjaxx  Thank you for posting here and sharing your message of support with @MumGuidance, you're definitely not alone in what you're going through. Your situation sounds really draining, @Rachjaxx. It must be so hard feeling like things are never ending and that you're trying your best to be there for your daughter and she is not responding. I hope that she has a positive experience with her medication, how is she feeling about taking it? Is she getting any other support? It must be such a tough time for her going through her break-up as well as lockdown.  Seems things are really tough for the whole family, I'm glad you've found our forum and you know we're here for support if you need to vent anytime    It sounds like what's going on for you is having a big impact on your life and wellbeing, and it can sometimes be really helpful for parents to get some one on one support to chat things through, is that something you might be interested in? @Maddy-RO gave a link in the previous post to our parenting coaching service which I'll pop in here, another option could be talking to someone from Parentline which you can access here. I hope the lockdown eases soon for you all, let us know how you're getting on    ... View more

Oh yeah, what works for one combo(of parent child), might not work on everyone. During these difficult years, we have to find a way to 'reach' the kids. When we are 'parenting', we forget to do the lighter things we enjoyed with our kids. The trick is to find something things you can bond over; then its always harder for kids to be rude or nasty all the time.  ... View more

Hey @jeeplass, just wondering how things are going for you and your daughter now? "My ceiling is her floor" is such a beautiful way of looking at parenting, I was quite moved reading that. It's clear how much you adore your daughter, she is lucky to have you in her corner    ... View more