Hi @Pumkinpie and welcome to the forums - it's great to have you join the community.
I'm so sorry to hear about all your daughter has been going through - it must have been a really stressful and worrying time for you as her parent.
I wanted to let you know that we edited some wording in your post slightly, in line with our community guidelines. I also wanted to let you know that if you'd like to start your own thread, you're very welcome to so please feel free to do that here.
Can I ask how old your daughter is? And does she have access to any professional support (eg. counselling or other support services)? Were you able to report the grooming?
We have some information on our parents website about teenagers and risk taking if you'd like to take a look. There's also some information on our youth website about sex in case it's helpful for your daughter and/or as a conversation starter.
It's such a hard thing to balance when young people want and need to separate and develop their independence, but as their parents we also want and need to ensure their safety.
I really feel for you, but it sounds like you're doing your best to keep the conversation open, supportive and non-judgemental. I think it really says a lot about your relationship that your daughter feels able to talk to you with such honesty.
I'm not sure about your daughter, but I've noticed often my young people can tend to listen more to people they respect who aren't their parents - if that's the case for your daughter, are there any other adults who might be able to mentor and support her at the moment?
Do you have supportive people you can talk to through this as well? It takes a lot of courage to share what's happening and we're here to listen and to support you.
We are also going to email you, so please look out for that.
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it’s impressive that she has a part time job! YoU’re doing something right there! Might be worth trying to reduce the number of issues you choose to argue with her on..... do an experiment and pretty well ignore some of the annoying ( but not life threatening) issues. Eg Let her choose whether she wants to shower or not. And sometimes all you can do is tell her calmly and caring my what you expect...... and then just breathe deeply if she doesn’t want to listen. I’ve got an obnoxious teenager too.... so I’m not saying there’s any magic. But I remember lots of Marly kids from school who turned into lovely adults a few years later.
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Thanks so much for contributing to this thread and sharing your story.
What you're going through must be so hard, and I'm really sorry to hear that this is occurring for you. It's possible your daughter is going through some of her own personal issues that are manifesting in this sort of negative behavior. Nevertheless, it still makes it really hard to deal with, especially when you try to help and nothing seems to be working.
Is there anything you're doing to look after yourself at this difficult time? I'd encourage you to call ParentLine. If you've never heard of it, it's a confidential telephone helpline that offers information and counselling about parenting issues. You can talk to qualified counsellors about a wide range of matters such as avoiding and resolving conflict in your family or improving relationships with your children and other family members. I've linked their contact details here - please note that their number differs per state, so please scroll to the bottom of the page to make sure you call the relevant one.
I hope things improve for you
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Thank you so much for your reply @Schooner It is so meaningful for parents to hear from other parents who have been there.
I love your focus on old fashioned parenting. It's amazing how, in the midst of crisis, we can so easily forget the really basic stuff. When I used to work in Drug and Alcohol treatment centres we would talk about 'having the HALTS'. (Hungry, Lonely, Tired, Serious). The idea being if you get too much of any of these, life is really hard to manage. Thankfully, the solutions are pretty simple. Too hungry, eat, too tired, sleep, too lonely, pick up the phone, too serious, do something that makes you laugh. and the best way to avoid it happening is to build it into your routine.
Of course, super easy to say...
You sound like you guys did it really tough. How awesome that your son is feeling better.
I see your insight on what happened with the school counsellor as very helpful for a lot of parents who may be struggling with their school and school counsellor. Some are amazing. And some have a 'school first' approach which is not what a young person needs. Yes, safety is paramount but I have found that approach to see 'risk to self' as something they'd rather not have to manage so, exactly as you experienced, they want to manoeuvre the young person into the hospital which is far from ideal for your son.
I'm so glad you guys found him someone he connects with.
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i wonder how this turned out too, i feel for the mom wanting her daughter home but her partner feeling differently. i was in a relationship once where we disagreed so much about parenting and it felt like a really bad situation to raise a child in
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