Hey @Hope_4  It is great to hear that you will be booking in a coaching session this week! I know you mentioned that you were researching around ADHD, and I thought I would share a post we have here around ADHD as well as a collection of resources we have here. I thought you might find these helpful to have a read through. We also have a youth community here which your daughter may be interested in joining. We have some spaces specifically for our neurodivergent community. We also have some resources around ADHD for young people here. Take care and all the best with the coaching service. ... View more

Hello. I can see you posted this a long time ago, but I’m wondering if you wouldn’t mind sharing where things are at now with your kids? My story is very similar to yours, only I’m further behind so curious to know how it turned out. ... View more

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Hi @katcantcope1_  That's really great to hear you've made an appointment to get some support. It can be a bit of a daunting thing to do initially, but well done for making this step. Have you made an appointment to get support from your GP or a therapist, or another support service?   Guilt can be a really difficult emotion to cope with, have you been able to chat to any family or friends about how you're feeling? Sometimes it can help to share the load with others and not feel as if you have to sit with everything you're feeling on your own.    Not having a good sleep can really affect us too. I'm wondering if there's anything you've tried in the past that has helped you get a better sleep at all? If you find your sleep doesn't improve, it'd also be a good thing to chat to your GP about so they can support you further. ... View more

Hi all, first time joining this site. My 12yo daughter started year 7 this year, and the first two terms seemed to go well, with a good report mid year. However term 3 she started to refuse to go to school, saying she hated everyone and everything there, it was too noisy, she didnt like the things she was hearing (in general, not directed at her) and she didnt feel like she had any good friends, just some kids she hung out with. Ive done all the right things like communication with the student support officer and counsellor, who have put some good strategies in place, like a time out pass from class when it feels overwhelming. We also developed a mental health plan with our GP which lead to weekly visits to a child psychologist. Unfortunately the best we have achieved is maybe 1 or two days a week in school, but not doing any homework or assignments. I feel like everyone has done everything they can to support her but she is not really cooperating and being part of the solution. She doesnt seemed concerned that she is falling behind and will find it difficult to catch up, and that it could have a significant long-term negative affect on her life. There doesnt appear to be a particular incident or person that has caused this, she just said its everything. Its also very upsetting for me a  parent to see my child struggling like this, but also because I feel so helpless and un-equipped to deal with something like this. AT first the counsellor advised not to take devices from her, because like it or not, we have to accept that this is how kids connect these days so it would just make her feel even more disconnected if we took them away. However, now we are a few months in to supporting her, and shes not improving, I feel like I need to limit here access to devices because its just too comfortable for her to stay at home and be on them all day. I dont know if thats the right thing to do or not, but Im just trying anything that might get her to school i.e. she earns access to her phone if she goes to school.  Interesting to hear on this site that this is not an uncommon scenario, and I wonder if the Government recognises this and will provide more support, instead of just saying they must go to school,  its the law! easier said than done. ... View more

Hi @Ladypeppermint, Thanks for sharing. It can be a relief to find others who have been through a similar thing. So we can best support you, do you feel comfortable sharing a bit more about your situation? We are here for you ... View more

Hi @natalie72  Thank you so much for contributing to the forums  Just a short note to let you know that we needed to remove the link you posted, so as to align with our Community Guidelines. Thanks for your understanding and continued support of others within the community  ... View more

Hi @Hopesprings123 , thank you so much for sharing your story and some really thoughtful advice, I'm sure it will resonate deeply with other parents in similar situations and offer them some glimmers of hope that things can improve.   I love your advice about giving your daughter sour gummies when she's struggling to manage her emotions. As a young person who has struggled with panic attacks, I always carry a packet of sour lollies in my bag just in case - it really does ground you! I'm glad to hear that you've found some useful strategies to help your daughter cope in some really challenging times. From the way you speak about her and the difficult experiences you've shared together, I can tell just how patient and compassionate you, and sometimes having a parent like that can truly make all the difference.    I hope that you'll keep us updated on how you and your daughter are progressing, and that others will draw strength from your story  ... View more

Does he show the same propensity for self-harm? If not , everything is ok, in this age all teenagers move away from their parents and have mysterious girlfriends, he will definitely outgrow it try to find out, why it is so important to be in connection with her ALL the time, maybe she gives him some emotions  does he have the other friends?  ... View more

Hi @Names, thank you for posting. We are glad that you have found some comfort in reading a post from another parent going through a similar thing. Hopefully you find some helpful tips on our forum!   Just so you know, I have posted a response on your thread. Here is the link for anyone else wondering   ... View more

Hi! I teach music online. What is your child interested in? ... View more

Hi @presko  Thanks so much for sharing your story, sounds like it was really helpful for the parent who was looking for advice.    We do need to keep this space just for parents, so they feel safe to share their thoughts, feelings and situations without worrying that any young people may read or respond to their posts. However, we would really love for you to get involved in our youth forum. It's clear you are great at offering advice, and I'm sure our community of young people would love your support. We look forward to seeing you over there! ... View more

@Kmum8 I can hear the grief in your words when you talk about how you never expected this to be your relationship with your daughter when she was younger. It sounds like you're doing whatever you can to hold onto the connection you have by continuing to show her unconditional love and support.  It must take a lot to persevere when things are so difficult and I really feel for you.  Sounds like your daughter isn't open to professional support right now, but do you have anyone you can turn to for support (whether professional or family, friends, etc)?  We're so glad you're reaching out here and connecting with other parents who've been through similar situations.  ... View more

Hello @Sdlw1991 , I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through. It sounds like things have been tough for both you and your daughter lately. Sorry to hear that you are worried about your daughter and how she might deal with her recent breakup. It seems like you care a lot about your daughter and are supportive of her and what she needs. Does your daughter have any other supports around her at the moment that can help? You mentioned that your daughter spoke about wanting to harm herself recently, so I just want to ask if you have any current concerns about your daughter’s safety? ... View more

Bless your heart. First props to you on being such a caring single Dad! Its hard to keep a consistent way of rules & life with shared custody. I been there & done that! My ex-husband was a alcoholic. Personally, i think 8 is too young for your daughter to really understand & comprehend what BPD is. Thats alot for a 8 yr old to grasp especially about her Mom. I would maybe talk ti her school counselor or Pediatrician & see if they have any advice. I know this sounds corny but, maybe check out some books for her age about BPD or mental health on her level and yall read them together. That way if she has questions you'd be right there to answer them. Not knowing how mature your daughtet is on our end here, she maybe the type of child where bein open & steaight up with her would be best. All kids are different. If shes seeing things as far as while at her moms and her moms actions, shes prob wondering somethings already. Your a great dad for being concerned & reaching out! You sound like a great dad, so im sure youll do it right. Remember we are a product of our environment! Good luck HumbleDad!😊 ... View more

It's not easy for us now. I want to pay as much attention to specialized subjects as possible. ... View more

Hi @angelazena, thank you so much for sharing. We are so sorry to hear that your daughter has been struggling so much for an extended period of time. Your situation sounds really difficult and complex - I can only imagine how stressed and tired you are feeling. You have a lot on your plate trying to manage your daughter's mental health while raising two other children on your own. Being a single mum is unbelievably challenging. Do you have any support for yourself? It is frustrating when you are putting in a lot of effort but it feels like things are staying the same. I am wondering, what do you usually do when your daughter self harms? Have the therapists spoken about your daughter's progress? ... View more

I wish I knew how to message you through this site. I am going through the same thing with my 12 year old son and would love to chat with you about it. It’s a bit of relief to know my son is not the only one, but I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. ... View more

thank you for reaching out to me. In answer to your question if I have some support, I really do not. that is why this is so challenging for me. I cry all the time. I keep telling myself to stop emailing and texting my son because he does not respond but I find myself sending emails and texts. It's like Im torturing myself.  ... View more

Simply put I stopped caring and comparing to be able to let go of my anger I knew I couldn't change the past but I could control my future . I found a hobby I liked to keep my mind occupied so I stopped thinking about how my ex got everything (I found when I had to much time to think it made me angry and depressed that I had wasted so much time and effort to end up with nothing) I started appreciating what I had and  what I could have in the future (freedom was the best one a house was a close 2nd) everytime I found myself thinking of the past I would go on the internet and find a new craft project to make or continue on the one I was doing this lighten up my mood. I realised I didn't care about him or what he had anymore, at the end of the day I was starting to feel happy which made me and my mind stronger. And now for the part some won't agree with but it worked for my particular situation. My son gave me hell even more so than the daughter in the post, well I had had enough of Mental and physical abuse and watching the younger children go through hell too so yep I told him "if you can't live by my rules pack your bags and get out" so he did just that, the peace and quiet was bliss, the younger ones were happy life was starting to look up. To be honest I did keep tabs on what the older one was up to, a few months later he begged to come home I more or less said the same thing  "my way or the highway" life was so much better when he came back, he realised when the novelty wore off that life is a lot tougher in the real world. He was 15 at the time yes I took a big gamble in what I did and I didn't do it lightly but luckily it paid off for us( it could have totally went the opposite way) he's now a beautiful soul with his own children I tell him I'm looking forward to when they grow up and give him a little of his own back (of course I'm joking- I think)  ... View more

What ways of communicating with your son have you found to be most effective? Its lovely that you have such an understanding of how he experiences love ... View more

I hear you when you say you feel like you're on a roller coaster and that you have no idea what to do. It can be incredibly confusing. But is there a possibility that you could decide to do nothing and just see what happens for a while? ... View more

 Do you think they have any awareness of how this behaviour is making you feel? Is this a conversation you could have with them? ... View more

Hello @sailonbluesea , it's great to hear that you have been able to talk with your grandson and daughter about your concerns about his behaviour. It sounds like things have been difficult for you lately, which I am sorry to hear about. It's awesome that you are focussed on exploring why your grandson has been behaving this way, it sounds like you have been very supportive of him and that you care a lot about him. You mentioned that your daughter is feeling overwhelmed by issues in her family, does she have much support (apart from yourself) around her at the moment?    ... View more

Hey @Collyflower89, it is great to hear that you have always had an open relationship with your children. I can tell that you really love your children and want them to be as happy as possible. It is also awesome to hear that a lot of other kids are quite accepting. It can be hard to not know where you fit in or how you feel about yourself, so being supported by those around you can make a massive difference. The best way of supporting any young person is by asking what they need from you and how you can help. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job so far ... View more

Hi @Momofallgirls    Welcome to the forum, I hope you feel really supported and welcomed here    It sounds like this has all come as quite a shock to you and it is understandable why you would be feeling upset.  Have you been thinking about bringing this up with your daughters, boyfriends mother? I understand this would be really difficult to do, is it a conversation you've been thinking of having? It sounds like you two have had quite a nice relationship and its been quite a surprise that she has decided to keep this from you. It could be an idea to chat to her so you can both be on the same page and you can share how you are feeling. I am wondering as well about how things are going now between you and your daughter? Have you two been able to have a conversation about everything that has been happening? This would be a lot to be managing and I hope you're doing alright  ... View more

Hey @KristyK, we are so glad that you are feeling supported here. I know what you mean about not wanting to let others know how bad things are. Sometimes we feel ashamed, embarrassed or want to avoid judgement. I think most of us have been there before. I am not sure if you'd find it valuable but Parent Line (www.parentline.org.au) is a free counselling service that you could contact if you would like another space to share. It is upsetting to hear that your daughter has no help with attending appointments or receiving mental health care from her father. As you mentioned, it is definitely common for teenagers to not attend appointments. It makes it exceptionally difficult for parents, who are only trying to engage them in professional support. I feel you, it can be really frustrating and heart breaking at the same tme. I am sorry to hear that you are locked out of your daughter's life in terms of communicating with her school and your ex. I imagine it must have been really challenging to have that information available but then it was disregarded by the school. I am wondering if you see your daughter often? Do you a notice a difference when you talk to her in person vs over the phone? Again, thank you so much for sharing. We love having you here! ... View more

Hi @Overwhelmedmum    I am so deeply sorry to read your post.    What is very clear is that you are a loving mum who only wants the best for your daughter. I can just imagine how shocking and scary this must be for you.    Something you mentioned was that before all of this, you and your daughter shared a very close relationship. I feel that the bond you have with her will stand the test of time but that doesn't make the present any easier for you.    I'm glad to hear you have a counsellor to get you through each day. Do you have close family/friends supporting you at the moment? ... View more

Hi @scaredandlost  Thank you for sharing with us what you and your daughter are going through, it's hard to imagine how stressful and frustrating this situation must be for you both.  If you would like to make a complaint about this principal of the school, this is a link to the Department of Education website complaints page for parents, carers and students. Would that be something you would like to do? I'm also wondering if maybe there is a school counsellor that your daughter could speak to? They can be really helpful in supporting students and understanding what bullying can be like at schools. This must be very upsetting for your daughter, has she been able to get any other support? I also just want to share a bit of information about ParentLine as well, they are a great service who offer one on one counselling to parents if you wanted to have a chat to someone about what you are going through. Let us know if there is anything else we can do to support you or if you would like to chat through this more  ... View more