Hi @Goneforawalk, thank you so much for sharing. Parenting in a blended family can be really difficult. It seems like it is leaving you feeling quite stuck and as though you need to pick sides. Lots of parents go through this and it can be so incredibly tricky to be in that position. Do you think it would be helpful to set aside a night each week to talk about your parenting approach? Perhaps there may be some things you can change slightly. If not, your partner may need to become more accepting of the way that you parent. It might also help to save these conversations for a time when your children aren't around. That way you both have time to process the conversation and aren't frustrated by trying to manage your daughter's behaviour at the same time. You also mentioned that your daughter's moods are impacting your partner. If you think it would be helpful, maybe there is something he can do to create space: a) for himself and b) for you and your daughter to sort it out? For example, going for a walk, going into another room, having a shower etc. These are just some suggestions that I have heard of other parents using, they may not feel right for you.
It also sounds like you have a close relationship with your daughter and want her to be able to come to you about anything. I can tell that you are trying your best to preserve this which is really great. It is important for a teen to feel understood, heard and not judged. They are still very young, going through so many changes and learning how to regulate their emotions. If you think it would be helpful, maybe you could seek advice from a counsellor about regulation strategies? The anger book sounds like a good one!
We also have some articles on blended families which have some suggestions. There is also a service called ParentLine which offers telephone counselling. It also has a number of referrals and resources that may be helpful for you.
Please feel welcome to keep us updated
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