I feel your pain. My 13yo daughter also suffers with social anxiety. She's become very depressed since homeschooling and she's been self harming. It's so distressing for us parents. I have constant anxiety too worrying about her and what the future holds. We've started her on Fluoxetine and after 2 weeks she's improving. We also have a referral from her Paediatrian for an ASD assessment as a lot of her traits sound like Aspergers. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice other than getting yourself a Mental Health Plan from your GP as you also need help. I've found a pschologist for myself who treats women and adolescents so she can help me to help my daughter. Know that you are not alone.
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