Hello, My girl is only two, but as a daughter who has distance with my mom, I know how your daughter feel. My mom never hit me when I was small, but she yelled at me when i did not understand a math exercise, When I got any problem, or argue with someone, she will blame on me, saying that I should not do this, do that, while the only thing i wanted was that she was willing to listen to me, not judging me. I grew up keeping distant with her, and not tell her my problems anymore, tho I love her. What I want to tell you is, what you did in the past make her insecure, and you need to take her belief back, start by making her feel safe. You and your husband need to make her understand that, no matter what happen to her, no matter what she does, your house is always welcoming her, if anything bad happens, you are always here to help her. Maybe I think differently from you, but I think parent responsibility does not last till the child is 18, but forever. I hope it helps.
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