I’m not sure I agree with all the points made here but I do agree that the social worker may be counterproductive if their understanding of ADHD is rudimentary or out of date particularly if there is a question about the ADHD diagnosis. The OP hasn’t mentioned who gave the ADHD diagnosis or if his daughter is on any medication. In my experience social workers and psychologists have very different skill sets from a psychiatrist and at this point, if ADHD has been mentioned by either of these professionals but not given as an official diagnosis then it might be timely to have an appointment with a psychiatrist who specialises in adult ADHD to get an official yes or no either way. It is also worth asking about a Telehealth consult. I was diagnosed over a Skype style appointment and it made things a lot easier not to have to travel to and from an appointment plus I just felt more comfortable to talk about the details from my own home. I’m not sure that is helpful to think of this in terms of ‘other people won’t put up with it’ as this assumes it is entirely within her capacity to do better but if it is indeed ADHD then there will be times where her emotions are out of her control and that requires a different emphasis in the treatment offered. Understanding the emotional dysregulation as a neurological malfunction rather than a behavioural choice will be of much more help in the long run as the emphasis can be put on managing stress loads and communicating boundaries to help avoid the circumstances which can lead to the point of overwhelm. Things like prompts regarding eating, drinking and taking breaks from hyper focussed activity can make a huge difference. The fact that this tends to happen at home can be much more about the stress of white knuckling normal during the day. Time blindness and ‘out of sight out of mind’ accounts for the majority of the chasing my own tail which can lead to overwhelm. The other part of the puzzle is CBT and talking myself through the catastrophising,
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This is an old post and you’ve probably moved on but I wanted to share my story in case it helps someone. I was considered a bright kid but my reports always said ‘could do better if tried harder’. When I hit my teens I felt like life was a roller coaster of emotion. A few decades later and I found myself reading about ADHD in women and girls. It turns out ADHD is not at all what I thought it was and it explains both the good bits and the sad bits of my life. I could put it in my own words but I think it is better just to say please consider this as a possibility. I recommend an organisation called Kaleidoscope (they have a women and ADHD 101 page). I also recommend ‘How to ADHD’ on youtube, Jess McCabe who does that channel has an excellent TED talk called ‘Failing at Normal’. For ADHD in a nutshell check out Dani Donovan’s memes. If you have ADHD there is a good chance you’ll see yourself in her memes. Ps one interesting thing is that folks with ADHD are apparently slightly more likely not to be heteronormative. Not everyone of course but quite often ADHD groups are really great safe spaces for anyone who is gender and/or sexuality diverse. All the best with your parenting challenges ps if you haven’t checked out Dr Ross Greene and CPS it is a wonderful framework designed specifically for dealing with challenges with explosive kids but which works for everyone imv because it is a respectful way to work through emotional obstacles.
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