Where to start, my once beautiful caring loving daughter who I was once so close to and she was with me has become a monster.  I know and fully understand BPD I have attended many support forums and read and read and read) about it.  But i fear now I have nothing left, my daughter is hell bent on killing herself every time she becomes emotional distressed, the most recent incident was only a week ago and according to the hospital was hours away from dying.  As a point of reference this has been going on for 5 years, with many suicide attempts (on one occasion I had to revive her until the ambulance took over).  She frequently self harms and in the last year has started taking every drug she can.  She has been hospitalised 5 times this year and each time she is released she seems to get worse.  What has changed more than anything else is her violence towards me (I am by no means a small man and can easily defend myself, but the idea of having to resort to violence against one of my children to defend myself I just cant do it).  After all these years my health has deteriorated to the point where a few weeks ago she turned up around 1am in a psychotic moment, physically tried to attack me when I refused to let her drive her car after she took a handful of medication in front of me and then tried to drive off.  During the altercation I collapsed and pasted out, when I came too, my left side of my ribs were hurting, my daughter gone and a concerned neighbour standing by me.  He told me he had to physically hold my daughter as she was kicking me in my ribs apparently yelling at me to wake up and stop making this about me.  I know why she is so angry with me she has told me in the past, when she was 16 and living with her mother she was raped and she blames me for not protecting her although I lived 4 hours away at the time and did not find out this happened until 2 years later.  The mental health system trys, but even they tell me they find it almost impossible to deal with BPD patients.  I am so scared that my daughter will kill herself soon her attempts are more frequent and more severe, however she refuses help and just consumes as many drugs as she can.  BUT, I just cant do it anymore, yes I have supports around me and I try to manage as best as I can, however each night I go to sleep scared that once again I'll get the standard call .this has been a common statement from her.  I don't know why she wont accept help she has had so many opportunities, a community of family who were willing to help her (most now have backed off), and I feel (know) that I must do the same, although deep down I know that this will probably mean one day soon she will be dead...but what is the alternate I just dont know anymore...recently after tests it was revealed that I have a heart condition and high blood pressure that could lead to stroke if i am not careful.. I tried explaining this to my daughter in the hope she would accept help, her only response was, "I better be in the will", which literally broke what was left of my heart...she has become a monster, my beautiful girl who up to the age of 15 we were so close is now someone I almost hate...I am so lost ... View more