About sadmom1

sadmom1 · ‎12-25-2020

I've never been in this kind of situation myself, and more information would help to answer this issue. Is her dad still in her life? Does she show behaviour problems? If her dad isn't part of her life or he is and has kids with his new wife, then this family dynamic might've effected her mentally, she is filling in that void, she is looking for that father figure to be present in her life.

sadmom1 · ‎12-25-2020

@PaulSSmith Thank you for this detailed writing. Every part is so true. I'm grateful for you reaching out. Yes my ex was very manipulative and showed a caring side most of the time with me, but took his aggression out on my eldest son, I didn't see most of the abuse, it happened while i was either out shopping, or at work. He knew how to hide it. My eldest son was and still is very sensitive, he never spoke to me about his dads abuse towards him he feared that we would get into a fight and he would be the cause of it and he didn't want to make things worse. I wished he was much stronger, it would've helped me leave sooner. There was something my ex didn't like about he's eldest son, even though he was well behaved. My ex took it as a threat that he can never be a man like his son. I'm happy that I've moved on and i'm giving my son all the space and time he needs. My son did go for therapy while we were still living with my ex but he told me there was no point going if he was coming back to the same dysfunction. I know he will seek therapy again, I won't be the one recommending it to him but my youngest son is compassionate towards his brother and allowing him to open up to him, which will lead my son to recommend therapy to his brother. Its been 2 years since living apart and recently my ex is reaching out to my entire family, he kept calling and texting crying he wants me back, and having a pity party for himself making every one feel sorry for him, all this done while being heavily intoxicated. Its been 2 years wouldn't you see the damage, wouldn't you want to start working on yourself, but no this characteristics is from a narcissist.

sadmom1 · ‎12-20-2020

Hi @OutOfOptions Thank you for reaching out :) It took me 27 years to leave my marriage, I am mentally damaged, and i'm realizing so much now that im away from the dysfunction. My ex tries to communicate with me to get me back into his web, but I will never go back. I choose to take care of myself and my son's mental health moving forward. I don't have any communication with my son but I will still try supporting him, showing by example. my other 2 kids communicate with him and hopefully he will seek therapy. I'm relieved that you gave me hope that he will get better in time because no child should live with the symptoms of PTSD, he has nightmares of his dad being abusive. My childhood was also rough, living in poverty and with an abusive alcoholic dad. I didn't know any better or I felt I didn't deserve any better. My marriage was arranged and the family was financially stable so I felt it was better from where I came from. take care Kay

sadmom1 · ‎12-12-2020

Hi @Birdwings @Sophia-RO Thank you for reading, and reaching out. I needed to talk to someone and feel heard :'( I had a sick mind to remain in my marriage and have 3 kids with him and then use my kids as a blanket for me. This need stems from my own childhood, living with an abusive dad and dysfunctional home, I thought I didn't deserve better and this is how it will be for me. SHUT UP AND PUT UP! What upset my son about me was that I used to leave the house with my kids and all i did was drive around until my ex fell asleep and then return home and i did this numerous times. I didn't realize the impact it was having on the kids, I just wish when I did drive away that I never returned. When I left 2 years ago, my son and I tried to build our relationship, we tried to start new, and things were going well, as the months went by my son began showing me anger and being disrespectful towards me. I understood where it was coming from and encouraged him to seek therapy. He continued showing anger towards me so I had to remove my self from our conversations which led to him shutting down on me again. This is why we both know we need therapy, My other 2 kids can see that their brother needs therapy and they both are very patient with him and keep their bond strong, my youngest son will have those moments with him and talk about his future goals and encourage him to do better which is so mature of him. I am very blessed to have good children considering the environment they've lived in. I'm still going through an ugly divorce and renting right now, once we settle in our own home then hopefully my son will begin therapy. Kay

sadmom1 · ‎12-09-2020

Hi All 2 yrs ago I finally left my narcissistic and alcoholic husband of 27 yrs. I always wanted to leave but didn't know how or where to turn to with 3 children. I survived my marriage because of my children, I had them as comfort, what I didn't realize is I was actually destroying them mentally and emotionally by staying in a very dysfunctional home. When my eldest son became a teenager he started failng in school and became depressed, he dropped out of school in grade 10. My son was and still is a very good boy, gentle and caring towards his siblings, The dysfunction in our home hit him hard but he never spoke about it. my ex was abusive towards him out of 3 of my children. My son completely stopped talking to his dad and shut down witht the whole family. This is when it started to become too much to endure when I saw the state my son was in. siince leaving i've noticed how much damage is done to my son, the other 2 kids weren't as affected and we have a great relationship, my eldest son is great with his siblings, but he has so much anger towards me for not leaving when I should've. I've tried talking to him but he just won't let go of the past, he says he has nightmares of his dad being abusive. I hate myself for keeping my kids in a bad environment, I stayed because of my own insecurities and cultural reasons, Since leaving, its been 2 years and I'm realizing so much, so many regrets. I have finally realized that the man I was married to didn't CARE AT ALL, no matter how many times he was sorry and remorseful but HE DIDN'T CARE, if he did he would never do what he did. He tries reaching out like narcissists do, he tries to lure me back into his web, but never has he admitted to his actions, never has he been sorry. When he texts its all about him. my son suffers from PTSD and he is aware and hopefully he gets help soon, I've tried talking to him but he won't even look my way, I also will be getting therapy. Thanks for reading :( kay

Date Registered	‎12-09-2020 10:00 AM
Date Last Visited	‎12-25-2020 03:16 PM
Total Messages Posted	5

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Date Last Visited	‎12-25-2020 03:16 PM

About sadmom1

About sadmom1

About sadmom1

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