I didn't realize I violated anything. I was just trying to share and be honest. I dont understand what it was I said. Well thanks for your suggestions. I was trying to find some where to express myself. I wish you guys the best
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Hi, I just want you to know you are not alone. My ex was a narcissist and continues to manipulate and hurt our children. I have tried distance (2 hours) and helping them set boundaries and attend counseling/psychiatrist as well as see them myself. It is so tough to see your children suffer (i submitted another post in a chat I started). It is important to know that you are not alone in struggling with this and that is why this forum is so helpful for me to vent. The responses you have received have had some great resources. I would encourage you to take time to take care of yourself and have some quiet moments where you can just breathe and take a break from the agony of all of this. I know how this feels and it is overwhelming. Support groups can be helpful if you have access to any in person groups for parents or for surviving narcissism in a relationship. There is a great book that I have found helpful. It is called "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" and I had a therapist suggest this book for me years ago. It is out of print but you can find used copies online. It is validating to hear about the patterns of narcissists and how they affect you and your children and it just helped me with information and learning how to observe the unhealthy tactics and abuse of a narcissist in your life. Continue to talk to others. Know that you aren't alone. Get as much help as you need because above all, this is overwhelming and has been affecting your life for so long. The effects of long term stress are many. It helps me to know I am not alone and to tell my story as you have done. You have done a wonderful job navigating all of this. Give yourself the credit and self love that you deserve. Stand in the mirror and tell yourself how strong you are. Take the time to walk in a park and breathe and process all of this, even if its for 5 minutes. Find positive outlets that you and your children can engage in without the interference of their father. I know this is tough and I wish you the best in your fight through this. You are doing a great job. You are a great parent. @demelza wrote: Narcissist Ex cannot handle me Posting anything on Facebook that tags our Adult Daughter as he gets jealous. This upsets me no end as it seems I am not allowed to enjoy my Relationship with my own Daughter and he has to ruin that too. Feels like any piece of happiness in my Life when it comes to my Children is/was often taken away by him. He has succeeded in Brainwashing our Son, (whom I hardly ever see and yet he visits his Father for Dinner once every Week). Our Son did tell me that he feels Sorry for his Father because he lives on his own and has nobody else. Our Son (when he does come for Visits on Birthdays and Christmas) often comes out with sarcasm directed towards me, and I hear this disapproval and where it has been planted from just by the things our Son says. Narcissist Ex does not treat our Son as badly as he at times treats our Daughter, does not insult him the same, or threaten him. Always blames me for Distance between himself and our Daughter, when really it is because he treats her poorly and nothing she ever does seems right. He did the same when they were Children, (not wanting to spend time with him after our Separation) and always has. Any times anything has ever gone wrong in their Lives? its always my Fault of course. He is wrong about me and my Life and my Relationship with our Children, but tells anyone who will listen Lies and Fabrications about me. They all Believe it, especially his younger Brother who is just as bad in his Relationships with his own Children but he has to interfere in Mine!! Our Daughter has regularly Visited her Father once a Week, (occasionally more) plus he regularly contacts her by phone, and she is roped into doing Housework or other stuff for him often. He offers no credit for her Efforts in their Relationship, and if she fails to visit for some valid reason, (whether because of him, scheduling, time or other Responsibilities), he will insult her, threaten her and then when she reacts he blows it up into a big Drama once again and blames her Reaction for this. He uses his Brother as his favorite Flying Monkey, and our Son too. So, his Brother has been adding insult to injury by messaging our Daughter and insinuating that it is my fault this is all happening again. As does her Narcissistic Father. This happens every 3 months, sometimes less. It has been happening regularly for 25 years, only it used to me be that he targeted, dragging me through the Courts to try and win Custody by playing the game of he was a Better Parent. He didn't win, so gave up that Fight only to start another. I feel like I cannot Win either. Wonder if I moved to the other side of the World would he be happy? If I died, would he be happier? Then he would have them all to himself!! If I moved to the other side of the World, I would then be in more pain because I would see my Children being hurt yet again and I would not be able to provide proper comfort when needed. Dying would be even worse but I do contemplate it sadly. Our Daughter is finally pregnant (currently 18 weeks), and her Father is being an absolute **bleep** yet again. She did not fall pregnant easily, it was through the IVF process which is not an easy one. She also has had a lot of Health issues for someone so young and I feel for her so. She has a Stressful Job, but handles this well despite being Pregnant, but the Stress of her Father is impacting on her heavily and i am so upset and Angry over this, I feel like giving him a piece of my Mind but I cannot. Currently, she has Apologized to her Father for the mild things she said in comparison to his Insults and threats, and she has asked for an Apology from him, which he refuses to give as always. She has left things at a standstill and said she will take a break from him, and her Partner confirmed this to her Father just 2 days ago. And yet she still feels Guilty for this, especially because of Christmas being only 2 weeks away, and because he has nobody but his Dog and his Brother and his Brothers Wife, who is on the Verge of Divorcing his Brother but also cannot be trusted. They are all big Pot Smokers, which I have always known was part of their Problem, (pardon me for being so forward about this) but in my experience heavy users are Drug Addicts too. What do you think?
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I really don't know what to say right now with everything that has been going on the past several months. I discovered that my daughter has been engaging in severe self harm. I have had to bring her to the hospital twice and she has been hospitalized twice in inpatient facilities. I was aware of her struggling with depression and anxiety and I have been taking her to a therapist and psychiatrist this past 6 months. My family has a history of bipolar, ptsd, depression and anxiety. I am so devastated that my daughter is experiencing this. When I viewed the psychological report from her recent inpatient evaluation, it report that she has a very low self image, bordering on self hate, along with issues with her father leaving and coming back into her life (We have been divorced for 10 years). I work in mental health and I have done everything I can to support her that I know to do. I have locked up all the medicine and anything dangerous in the house. This second time she had hidden some objects in her room. Both suicide attempts, she came and told me in my room that she had "messed up" so I was at least grateful that she came and told me and didn't get any worse in her room for hours, although I always check on them (she has an older sister) but I was in my room working on the computer. Its so scary to me because she will be fine one minute and then her mood will plummet to horrible lows that are frightening. I am going to pick her up today from her second hospitalization. They have changed her meds and she seems to sounds better and the dr is confident she has a good support network. Meanwhile I am stressed to incredible levels. I don't know what to do. I have tried to encourage her hobbies and get her supplies (art, poetry), engage her in family activities and use positive self talk and praise to show her how wonderful she is. Here it is Christmas and I only want my daughter to feel confident and have a desire to live and engage with the world. I guess I just need some support and ideas and something beyond what I have set up for her and help with processing all of this. I am worried about her coming home so soon. Although she will have weekly therapy and med management I can't watch her every single moment after I go back to work after the holidays. I have family that has offered to help but I know she will be resistant to being carted around to family to be supervised. I have a schedule set up to help her maintain a good sleep routine, take her meds, do her hygiene and eat regularly. I never thought things would get so desperate and scary. I don't want to lose my daughter. I never criticize or ridicule her for any of her thoughts. We have honest conversations about how she feels. I encourage her love of music and the other things I mentioned and I have worked with her on coping strategies. But the reality is that she is not well. This is breaking my heart. I haven't been able to talk with anyone about how this is affecting me and I wonder if I will just crack apart at the seams at this point. I am on medication myself, but even the medication is not satisfactory for the level of stress I am going through. I am trying to stay hopeful and positive, but as I take this drive to get her today, from yet another facility, my heart will be heavy and worried. What else should I do? Her father is not involved enough and she resents him for leaving her at a young age after our divorce. My family is supportive but 2 hr away. I don't have many friends because I have been so focused on my children and have struggled being laid off this year because of coronavirus. I am finally back to work and do a lot of work from home, thank goodness. But being a single mom splits you so many ways. Its hard to juggle it all without dropping all of the balls.
For anyone reading this, I just needed to vent and get some help to brainstorm some new ideas. I have done everything I know to do as well as what the professionals have guided me to do. I have read books, done research and tried to talk with her about my own struggles with anxiety and depression. I have been able to stabilize as I have gotten older, but I was much tougher to deal with when I was her age. I was hoping my children wouldn't have to inherit this part of me. I am so overwhelmed and feeling so much I can hardly concentrate. This is so difficult and painful. I just want her to get through this and feel good about herself.
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