Hi Jam, It was a pleasure to respond to your situation with your son and to think about it. I really believe we need to look out for each other and as our kids get older, we don't have that same banter we had with other parents when they were younger, and covid has really compounded that. I was thinking back to when I left school and I was in a serious relationship and I went to uni but my boyfriend didn't and was a very kind soul, but not the brightest spark. He broke up with me shortly after I started uni because he thought I'd be better off without him. He felt inadequate and that our ships were sailing to two very different ports. So, I wonder if you son is feeling low with his girlfriend going to uni and him being in limbo. I personally believe that it's only worth engaging in a course if you're ally sure that's what you're wanting to do now that uni is so expensive. Doing a trade can earn really good money and is more hands on. My son's careers advisor put me onto the VIA Questionaire which looks at your strengths and what you'd be suited to. Mine showed I had a very high level of curiosity, which didn't surprised me as I'm a writer and researcher, but I'd never appreciated that aspect of it before. I also went to a talk at the school this week about anxiety and was reminded of a few things, which I thought you and others reading this might might helpful. They talked about writing down three things of what went well during the day every day. This readjusts your focus on what went well rather than problem-solving and focusing on what went wrong. I also thought that for parents particularly with special needs kids or kids that are struggling or annoying, that you might at least find one thing they did well every day which would boost their confidence as well as reassuring you that something is going right or that despite their challenges, they're making progress, feeling happy etc. I was also reminded by a young person this week about the need for space from parents. Meanwhile, I have my own struggles with trying to motivate Mr 17. I don't know whether I mentioned to you that he decided to rearrange and declutter his room and emptied virtually the contents of his room into our loungeroom like you see on TV. However, he didn't have an army of elves to help him and I was struggling with asthma at the time and couldn't help. His frustration escalated in a meltdown and a trip to Emergency, which fortunately resolved fairly quickly. However, we packed all the stuff up and it's been in the kitchen family room area now for a few months. That is, aside from when we borrowed a friend's van to stash it for his recent birthday party. We finally decided to start culling it today, and much to our relief he didn't seem to mind. It's hard to establish and maintain our boundaries when he blows up and it's easier to say nothing. It is so challenging having to be a psychology expert with the kids and then feeling like to you need one for yourself but you've run out of energy to look out for yourself. Overall, however, we're going okay and taking things slowly. I hope you have a good weekend. Best wishes, Birdwings
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