Hello @davina15 ,   Thank you for sharing your experience. I am reading that you're finding it hard to navigate the 14-year-old's communication, social skills and behaviour. I hope it's okay for me to ask a few clarifying questions? The way I'm reading and understanding your post, is that you're his mother. Is that correct?  When you write about him being self-absorbed, what does that look like for you? And what do you find you observe when you mention they have awkward abrupt and out of the ordinary social communication? You also write about it's had to communicate issues regarding how you're coping. What has been your experience in trying to talk to him about these? In the same capacity, how are you and him coping throughout all this? Have they mentioned anything concerning to you about what's going on for them? When have you started noticing this behaviour? Has it been ongoing or something that's only recently started to occur? Has there been any changes since the father passed away? I know I've asked a lot of questions, but it's only so we can gain some more clarity about what's happening.  We'd really like to find a way to support you in navigating this situation. Hoping to hear from you. ... View more

Hi @TiredMumof4 , I'm very sorry to hear about your son - it sounds incredibly stressful not knowing where he is and anticipating the legal consequences of his actions. I hope that you are looking after yourself during this time of uncertainty.    As for resources, Shine for Kids put together this guide for supporting children with a parent or loved one in prison, which might help you to support your daughter. Towards the back, there is a list of support services for families who have been touched by the criminal justice system for each state as well. It can be so difficult to explain such adult concepts like bail and detention to kids - does your 7-year-old ask many questions about what is going on with her brother?   Thinking of you in this difficult time @TiredMumof4      ... View more

Thanks so much for sharing your experience @KeepSmiling - that sounds like a really helpful solution to call in friends and family to help when your kids were struggling with separation anxiety. Were they happy to accept support from other people? I imagine it would help with your stress levels to know you had help too.  Is there anything else you found helped to reduce your kids' anxiety over time?  ... View more

Hey @Reesa ,   Welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing what's going on for you.  It sounds like you're someone who really wants to support your niece. The mother reaching out to you shows that she believes you may be of some help for what's going on with your niece. This is particularly noted in that you took the time and effort to sit with both of them and work out on some goals for your niece. From what I understand, you and the mother are trying to figure out how to best support your niece and have stated that if your niece isn't able to make some progress, that you'd consider the relocation pretty seriously. How did your niece respond to that? To answer your question, it would truly depend on what your nieces own expectations are. Has she disclosed a desire to live with you? Is she opposed to the idea? I can imagine if they really didn't want to live with you, that the ability to link them in with mental health services wouldn't be as easy due to the resistance. I can see where you are coming from. Sometimes being in a new environment can stimulate some big changes. But, like you've mentioned, it takes them away from their peers and boyfriend, so what could that mean for them? I'm sure there's still plenty of time to figure these things out, and I hope they are open to those Monday check-ins. Wishing you all the best in this! ... View more

@Tiredabusedmom it sounds like you've been really going through a really stressful time. I wanted to let you know we have edited some parts of your post in accordance with our community guidelines.   Can I ask if your daughter is currently living with you and your other children? Similarly to Adam-RO, I'm wondering if you or your daughter could potentially access some professional supports? For example, do you think she would be open to maybe seeing an individual or family counsellor? Alternatively, are there any support services you could access?    I hear you when you say you feel your parents aren't helpful in the way they relate to your daughter, and I'm wondering if there are any other adults your daughter trusts (eg. a relative, friend or teacher) who might be able to take a mentoring or supportive role, so some of the pressure can come off you? I know as a parent to teens myself, at times other adults can have more impact, and their role can be helpful.    I really feel for your family as this is a lot to manage and I hope you can get the support you need. I also wanted to let you know we're going to email you, so please look out for that.  ... View more

Hi @NM74616 , I'm really glad to hear that you've found some support and solidarity in other parents. I can completely appreciate your hesitancy to access the mental health system if you've had some negative experiences with professionals yourself and on your son's behalf, unfortunately not receiving the right support can stay with you sometimes (and rightly so). All in all, the most important thing is that you feel supported, regardless of whether this support comes from.    It sounds like you're doing everything you can to surround your son with as much love and support as possible. As horrible as it is to hear that you too have experienced some tough times, I'm sure that being able to speak from lived experience has given you a lot of insight into how to stand beside him in a meaningful way. He sounds lucky to have you :)    I'm glad that sharing your story with us has been helpful with you. Please feel free to keep us updated and to write about how you're feeling here if you feel it would be useful for you. Sending all my best to you  ... View more

Hey  @Annco  , Welcome to our forum. I'm mum to a 17 year old young man and like yourself, a 15 year old girl. We've had some rather stressful times in our family too and have worked through some pretty challenging times and still have some work in progress. It seems to me that something has upset of traumatised her and instead of addressing it directly she's reacting randomly and withdrawing. Is she getting on okay with the kids at school and are there problems there? While you and your husband might be accepting of her sexuality, perhaps she's having a rough time at school.  We've had to work hard on keeping communication open with both our kids. Talking in the car is a great opportunity.  Also, is she talking with her siblings? Those connections can be really important or a close relative if communicating with Mum and Dad isn't going well. Our daughter had told her brother a few things and he's raised concerns but we didn't confront her as we didn't want to stop her from talking to him.  The other area to consider is protecting yourself and being respected. I'm not the sort of person who gives the whole "while you're living under my roof speech", but there is a place for that. You and her siblings need to be safe at home. I think sometimes it's good to call these teens out on their abusive behaviour. Quite a few of them seem to have a strong sense of ethics, but don't necessarily look in the mirror and see their own shortfalls. Meanwhile, are you still connecting with your other kids? I know there are only so many hours in a day but the "problem child" can absorb a lot of love and energy and to the other kids it can seem like being good doesn't pay. My brother got into a lot of trouble in high school and I often felt invisible. As hard as it is to split yourself up, find time for selfcare and getting a bit of exercise to clear your head and stay health yourself, I thought I'd mention that.  Good luck and please keep us posted if it helps. Best wishes, Birdwings ... View more