Just thought I should finally update. We have been to hell and are still there. Things are not good at all. I can’t help my son he doesn’t want help from anybody. He is in a dangerous situation and will not even open up to the police. He is a very scared little boy. Scared of his supposed new friends r than Us and the police. I’m so frightened for him. FACS are now involved not because we are bad parents but because he is in danger and we and school and youth workers fear for his safety. Hoping FACS don’t let us down and hang in there cause we have nothing else at this time. I hear so much bad about FACS I just hope they can help ... View more

Taylor-RO thankyou. I have a handful of friends that listen but nobody that is going through it so I feel very alone. I’m hoping the change of schools will help and we are trying to get him the help he needs he just needs to take it. It’s so hard as a parent to watch that’s for sure ... View more

Jay-RO I’m hoping getting him away from the school will make a difference. He has quite a few food friends at the new school that he was in primary school with and they are good kids still. I guess we don’t have a choice he won’t settle at the other school no matter what we try. I have now also today had a second session with parent coaching which I am finding beneficial and I don’t feel so alone. I have seen my psychologist which helps a bit but I just feel so alone and so sad at how this is all panning out. Dad is good but he refused paint blank no matter who was taking him. Thanks again for your support ... View more

Hi @Jay-RO life has got tougher unfortunately. Back to school one day and already suspended. We are now facing having to change schools. He is refusing headspace appointments we have pediatrician app on Friday that I’m taking him to regardless. He is pretty much shutting down from everybody. He went into such a rage yesterday cause I asked him to do some school work. I nearly called the police cause it was frightening. He did settle eventually and then slept for 3 hours straight. I am broken completely I’m just functioning on auto pilot I think. It’s so so sad do watch this all unfolding and not be able to fix it ... View more

Hi @Jess1-RO things started off ok and day 3 we were going out to dinner to friends all looking forward to the catch up and I had shower got out and he had disappeared just like that. I called him he actually answered and said he needed some space for a bit but would be home. Why would I have believed that. Anyway he also took money from me and stayed out until the following afternoon. I made him do a drug test when he got home which was all negative. He said he was helping a mate who needed some money which is in my sons nature but I’m not convinced. He has been ok since but I am devastated and feeling like I have lost complete control. He has never stolen money and my trust in him has now completely gone. I don’t like the person he is at all at the moment and I struggle to see anything is going to change any time soon. I’m having constant panic attacks I just don’t want to do it anymore. I hate my life at the moment. Thanks for asking I have been trying to get on here to post but haven’t felt able. ... View more

Hi @Jess1-RO I had app with paychologjst yesterday I just feel I’m stuck I can’t for some reason let anybody help me. I think it’s because I feel so low that there is nothing anybody can do for me or my son that will make things better. Even though he has been good with his dad I can’t think positive about him coming home. It’s a horrible way to feel I just wish there was a magic pill that could stop these horrible feelings. ... View more

I am really struggling here. I haven’t even got my son he is with his dad and I am still letting all the stress and worry consume my every thought. It is killing me slowly. He is coming back to me tomorrow which is causing me severe anxiety (he has been good all week so I guess I’m waiting for the explosion) How can I live my life feeling like this. I don’t feel I can cope for another day let alone what could potentially be another few years. I am sure my friends are sick of me being so down and out so I’m cutting myself off which I know is not good but really don’t know what else to do. I can’t do anything to make myself feel good cause I feel so bad if that makes sense. How do I keep going on. ... View more

@Orbit64 I’m so sorry you have been through such a horrible time. I’m hoping it doesn’t continue that long I’m not sure I would cope. I can’t seem to find anything I like doing at the moment because I’m consumed 24/7 but stress and worry. Even when he is doing well I worry waiting for what’s next. We still see our beautiful boy at times and he is always very remorseful and sorry when he does stuff so that I’m hoping is a good thing. We all just want the best for our kids and nobody can ever tell you how hard it can be. Good luck with your boy I hope it improves ... View more

Jess1-RO thanks you so much for your beautiful words and support. it is more stressful than my marriage break up three years ago. I have some good friends whom I talk to at times which helps a bit. I just want my normal happy life back and I’m so far down I have convinced myself that Is never going to happen. I just keep assuming the worst. It’s such a horrible way to feel. I really miss my beautiful caring boy. I still see him occasionally so hopefully that is a plus ... View more

@Taylor-RO it is so incredibly exhausting and I’m also working full time. I’m never feeling like doing anything my poor daughter 17 is very understanding but I do feel guilty. I just want it all to stop I’m so stressed and anxious and the school holidays aren’t really helping either. I don’t know what the answer is or even if there is one but I do know feeling like this 24/7 is horrendous ... View more

Hey @cchurting I’m so sorry you are going through this my heart truly breaks for you. I have no advise I am struggling with a 13 year old boy but totally different circumstances. I think sometimes our kids just need us not material things not holidays just our time and our love. I am a single mum and I have finally had to almost let my boy go completely cause he needs his dad at this time. It is breaking my heart into pieces but it is what is best for everybody at this time. It’s hard when they say hurtful things very hard but they always hurt the ones they love we have to remember that. One thing going for my son is he is always apologetic and remorseful. Good luck and always know we are here for support ... View more

Hi @gina-Ro thanks for the reply it is hard very hard actually my every thought is consumed with what’s going to happen next what if he continues truent school etc etc. we can’t give up on him but he continually promises us things will get better and he turns around and does behaviour a the very next day. Is always remorseful and sorry which helps a bit. We are waiting to see a psychologist through headspace we have seen some private in the past but the good ones always end up leaving and if a teenage boy doesn’t connect they won’t talk. He tells us he has no friends although he has a couple of really good mates but they go to a different school he went through primary school with them. He has very low self esteem which is also a worry. We are trying to guide him in the right direction but it’s hard when he keeps bucking the system. Punishment doesn’t ever seem to work and im not sure that is the answer really. It’s like suspension from school the only people it upsets is the parents it does nothing for dealing with the problems and it doesn’t upset the child. Last two suspensions my son has had he has had to go to work from 6-4 with a local builder and loved it lol so not really a deterrent. ... View more

i Am struggling massively at the moment with my own feelings of trust for my 13 year old boy. Things have been settled for the last week but I have this constant fear and worry that something bad is going to happen. I feel sick 24/7 I struggle to sleep I struggle to keep focused at work. I’m just going through emotional hell 24/7. It’s like I can’t enioy the good times with him anymore cause I’m always on edge waiting for something bad to happen. I feel like I’m going crazy. How do others handle this. ... View more

Thanks @Schooner I appreciate the support cause not everybody understands. Mental health sure is in crisis in our teens and everybody really it’s so sad and hard. The lack of routine etc I’m worried about and when both parents work full time it’s stressful but we will c what we can sort out. We couldn’t continue the way it was even for another two weeks ... View more

Well what a rollercoaster ride we have been on. It wasn’t the fun kind either. This is like a living nightmare. After a lot of grief and turmoil we are seeing a small amount of light at the end of that tunnel. How can two kids be so different from the same parents and the same upbringing. I thank you all for your support and wanted to update you. We had headspace app and got put on waiting list which they never used to have but apparently so many using the service now in small areas they can’t keep up. We have pulled DS from school for the rest of the year to give us all a break we just couldn’t keep going on like that anymore. We are slowly getting him the help he needs but it’s frustratingly slow. ... View more

@Taylor-RO it is very distressing and I’m trying to keep it together for the family but it’s not easy. We have an app with headspace (which is hoyrvshd half away) for a intake next week I’m just hoping they don’t have long waiting Times as well but I’m thinking they probably do. It’s so very difficult to watch and to be in the middle of such a horrible situation and as a parent not be able to fix it. Again thanks for the support I just feel so alone through all of this and this at least makes me feel that somebody else understands ... View more

@Dad4good so sorry you have been through all of this too. It’s correct you feel so incredibly alone and I feel very scared for us all. I don’t want to end up like a friend that was screaming out for help and ended up burying her child before help became available. I have taken plenty of time off work as has the ex. There just seems to be no end in site. ... View more

@Lan-RO thanks for your support. We are having an horrendous time. Things are just spiraling out of control. We are a family in crisis and cannot get help. Gp is fantastic but we need to see pediatrician and psychologist and we are trying the private system as well as public and we are prepared to travel to see them. well guess what nobody can see us until March or April next year that is for a private patient. Public mental health unless you are suicidal at the time they will put you on a 6-8 month waiting list. This family will be destroyed by then it’s such a scary thought we are screaming out for help and cannot get it. What the hell do people do. It is affecting every part of sons life and he is just self destructing and all I can do is watch and try and support him even though I am in his mind the worst person in his life that is trying destroy his life and the reason he hates his life so much. I cannot keep going like this but how can I turn my back on him when the system is it’s so sad and distressing. Even our private mental health system is in crisis. What do others do in times of crisis ... View more

this could be me with my 13 year old son. I had the most caring beautiful boy that has also turned into a person I don’t know. I have tried to blame everything on his behavior including bad friend groups and seperated parents and although all of these things play a big part they are their own people that keep making these bad choices. Our life is in absolute turmoil and I feel so desperate but unfortunately we only have each other I have discovered that. We have tried mental health, police liaison officers everybody but nothing works or is even available. The entire system is very unhelpful and scary cause we have kids and parents screaming out for help and nothing ... View more

@chrissi226. This is an old post much more happened since. He certainly doesn’t need a panic button or safe zones created but thanks for the reply ... View more

Hey @Schooner yep I’m running out of everything honestly don’t think I can face it for another day let alone what reality is telling me I will be facing it. The lack of help and support is very challenging even for the kids there is not enough support. I’m sad that you had to go through it but I’m glad for me I don’t feel so alone cause not everybody understands. The practical stuff is extremely difficult when you are working as well and trying to get them to school coping with the constant phone calls etc at work and when they disappear from school when your at work and nobody can find them all so very very stressful. Hoping tomorrow brings some hope at least ... View more

Hi TOM-RO yep I’m struggling massively. I have found through this there is not much support available except forums like this which I am so lucky to have support from. I don’t want to go and talk to a psychologist about how I feel my priority is my son.i have been to them but it doesn’t help me. I can’t take time for myself I can’t do nice things I am so stressed and sad and angry every emotion how can I go and relax. I have some friends that i can talk too and that helps a bit. I wish there was help out there to give me strategies how to deal with all of this but the area I live in there seems to be nothing on offer. It’s not a small town either. Dad and I are not together either so that is difficult. We are on the same page though with this. ... View more

Hi schooner nobody has the answers if only it sound make our lives a lot more bearable at these times. Unfortunately we can’t keep him home from school we are both full time workers and have had a lot of time off already for him and no way we would leave him home alone. It really is so so hard as a parent to know what the right thing to do is or know what is going to work. We have a big conference next week with school and many different services will be present including police liaison officer so let’s hope we get somewhere. I am only just holding things together and I’m not really sure how to be honest. ... View more

Taylor-RO where do I start. I am at total breaking point. I have tried everything in my power and nothing is working. We have a very angry defiant beyond belief and uncaring boy in every way. It’s like he is trying to self destruct in a major way. He has decided truancy is a good idea now on top of all these other behaviors. I am not even getting empty promises anymore it’s like he doesn’t care at all about life even. In his mind the only people that are there for him are this bad group of kids he is involved with. I do have support of his dad but he is the same as me and feels like we have all but lost him. Here it is 4am and I have had minimal sleep and about to face another day. To be honest I feel like going to sleep and not waking up. I know that doesn’t help the situation but that’s how I’m feeling and where I’m at. ... View more

Thanks schooner we are at a loss to know what he needs. I know this anger and extreme defiance and extreme lack of care is a cry for help for something. We are at breaking point with no idea where to turn next. We have school support but even they said yesterday we are crisis point with him. There words “he is a good kid but tangled up with a bad crowd”. I am actually scared for him these kids are very streetwise he is not he has always been such a caring gentle kid and a good academic but that’s all gone. Unfortunately mental health team were useless unless he was threatening to commit suicide at the time they didn’t want to know about it. Have a good gp that we have app with next week but unless he starts to open up and accept help I fear nothing will change. ... View more

If I had of known it would be this hard I would not have attempted it. We are at an absolute total loss. Never ever experienced such defiance, rudeness or attitude frim such a beautiful boy. We have had a Massive few days I’m really worried Anout my boy and see nothing else that is possible for us to do to help him ... View more

Thanks schooner it is very tough. He is like a different child. No emotion no remorse at all at the moment. He was always very genuinely remorseful and saddened when he did wrong or upset us. We could throw him against a wall (just a figure of speech) at the moment and I don’t think he would feel it or react that’s how bad things are getting. Very worrying. I feel like I have lost him. He attended app with no problem ordinarily it would be a struggle to get him there (nit sure he spoke) but we got him there. I’m waiting to here where too next cause he has not said a word literally. Thanks for the support ... View more

Hi MI_g9 what a horrible emotional time you are having. My heart really goes out to you. My story is so very similar to you. We have been separated now for 3 years and have had a couple of tough years but the last month has been horrendous. I can’t offer much advise but support I can give lots of because that’s about the only thing that is getting me through each hour at the moment. Our kids are our worlds and to see them hurting so badly and be so upset and confused just rips your heart out as a mother. Sounds like he is very lucky that he has a very loving caring mother in you and we just have to hope they realize that and eventually with our love and support they will make it out the other side. Unfortunately we have no control over what happens in the other parents household and it can undo all the good hard work we put in at times. Just try and be kind to yourself and we have to believe in what we are doing is the best for them even though it’s so very very difficult with all their resistance and anger. Big hugs for you and here anytime for support 🤗 ... View more

Thanks for reply Breez-Ro. My post is a bit confusing I was very distressed. I discussed the situation with the mother whom I know very well and she has been through similar with an older child. As I am emotionally shattered I didn’t feel I had the strength to what probably would be physically remove him. His dad my ex is away at work and also suggested if he is safe leave him there. He has spoken to him and explained this is totally unacceptable behavior and that there will be consequences which we will talk about when we are all a bit calmer tomorrow. He will pick him up. I feel so out of my depth with this and I don’t know where to turn or what to say at times. I feel like I have every emotion going worry stress anger sadness and if my son feels half as bad as I do that makes me so very sad. ... View more