It’s been a year of many ups and downs with my now 18 year old son. Last year, his senior year and w Covid brought out the worst of it all. He had his lifelong passion of playing football taken away. He was “quarantined”from school more times than I can count from close contact tracing. He hit rock bottom the night before his 18th birthday and ended up in a mental health hospital. Mind you on the hour he turned 18 I lost parental rights to him unless he aloud me to have access to any records to help him. The hospitals are over flowing w depression issues and he was placed in a adult facility which seemed to only make things worse. In my heart I knew it was the wrong place for him to end up knowing him as well as I do. I couldnt get him out of there quick enough. Had no say in the matter and could barely get him to speak to me because he blamed me for him being there. Even though I had nothing to do with it and fought the drs trying to get him out. I’ve had him in counseling for over a year prior to this. That seemed to help some but slowly he started not wanting to go and lost interest in getting help. We spoke of medication but he refuses it. He’s not big in taking any type of medication even over the counter ibuprofen. So we made it through highschool and graduation. Then off to college. Which has been a downward spiral since he got there. He plays for the football team but very hard on himself and never happy with how he plays and doesn’t see his own amazing talents on the field. His grades have not been great and he feels like a failure. He’s so very handsome but finds a million faults about himself. So this 1st semester has been very hard with him so out of reach and the texts and phone calls I get are hard to read and hear. I stay supportive, I remind him of all his talents and all his accomplishments. I tell him I’m sorry he feels so unhappy with himself and I am always here to help. I remind him of the help I can get for him w a councelor. But ever since the mental health hospital he is completely closed off to help. I get why.. the system is broken and over full. He lost trust in it. And I kinda did too. His last game of the season he got injured. And that’s where things got really bad again. I finally got him to come home and was committed to driving him every day to classes till he felt he could get around better. I was very happy to have him home so I could closely work with him and try to help him through this low point in his life. I felt as if we were making progress.. but just like that his mood changed and he left tonight to stay at school. I don’t want to strip him of any independence & w him injured I know dorm life and getting around will be a major challenge for the next couple weeks till winter break. He has spiraled back into feeling not good enough. Feels like a failure in class and not happy at the school he is at. So it’s very hard for me to let him go, but him being 18 it’s very hard to tell him to stay here. Because I get it. He wants to be independent and with this injury his independence he has lost. I’m at a real loss here. He trusts me and vents to me and says things that are hard for me to here. I stay strong and support him and try to give advice but he shuts that down quick because he’s stuck in the mindset that this is how his life will go. And stuck in the mindset that he will never play football again, he thinks he will be replaced, wants to be working out with his team. And can’t pull his grades together at school. I tell him he’s not stuck there, there’s other options to a education but with out football he feels there are no options. We just keep circling around and around and I feel I’m losing the battle. I tell him only he can change how he is thinking, only he can decide on the help I can get for him. I’m being 100% proactive in helping him in every way and if I could get him to at least help himself 50% I’d feel that would be a win. I’m not sure how to make him realize He has choices and he needs to choose himself over football and school. This is a very scary battle to fight against with your own child. A very lonely feeling and hard to know what to say or do to help. Especially when he is so far out of reach when he stays at the dorm and is miserable there. I get he doesn’t always want mom to come rescue him so try to give him the space but when the texts and phone calls start and he isn’t well mentally I don’t know where to turn. I’m so very close to my son and we are extremely open with one another. I’m just so lost on how to help someone who doesn’t want the help and doesn’t trust the help anymore. Depression is debilitating but it can be controlled. With or without medication your mentality can beat it. But how do you convince your 18 year old that he can beat this. I battled depression and still do. But when I was growing up the help was not there so I had to change my own mindset. Train myself how to get over my overwhelming thoughts. I am aware of what months are my hardest and I’ve learned to be patient with myself to get through them. But how do I get that through to my son? Who lately has not been open to discussion on how to help himself. I apologize for the long post. It’s all so overwhelming to watch your child hurting in this way. And I’ve been so consumed with it all for so long. It’s become a way of life. A very hard way of life ~ ... View more