Hi @Sophia-RO . Thank you for your response. I do have some support - I have friends and a therapist. But after so much time, nothing really helps. I feel like a burden to my friends because the stories of what he is going through are so bad and I feel like most people just want to enjoy life and not be burdened with sadness. And this has been going on for so long. I have moments with friends that are happy and we laugh and enjoy things but I feel like I am just really trying, but not really feeling it because I know my son is suffering so much and there is nothing I can do. And I understand that. Going to a therapist is just a waste of money for me. I know exactly what to do. I know how to survive with this pain, I know how to make things better. I know all that. But at the end of the day, no amount of yoga, meditation, communing with nature, talking with friends or a therapist changes the fact that my beautiful boy is out there somewhere, alone, cold, possibly on drugs, hungry - who knows? Only his father and I seem to be able to comfort each other because we love him the most and no one else really understands how horrible BPD is. My son is dying a slow death before my eyes and he won't let anyone help him.
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