What I did that could maybe help you is this: I journal a lot, so I decided to write about all the things that my stepson did that drove me nuts. Then I wrote about what my life would be like without my partner and his kids in my life. There would be some positives but a lot of negatives too. I realized I didn't want to have to leave my partner over his son. So then I looked back at the list of things that drove me nuts about my stepson. I realized that a lot of them were not necessarily his fault per se, but the fault of parenting...or lack of.  I try to feel bad for him more than hating on him. It really works sometimes...othertimes I just grin and bear it. I guess, if it gets bad enough I'll feel that there would be more negatives than positives for staying with my partner, and then I'll know it's time to move on. There's no easy answer, and I feel your pain. Maybe if you write about what your life would be like without your husband, things will beome a little clearer... ... View more

Have you considered counselling? I think it helped us a bit. It didn't make the situation magically better, but gave me a strategy to get through tough moments. ... View more

Thanks! Somehow just knowing you're not the only one in this situation is enough to make you feel a little better. Hang in there too! ... View more

Thanks, I do have some support...my mom, who I complain to regularily lol. Other than her, I talk to some friends but none of them are in my situation so are more of a sounding board.  I know there are no perfect families let along perfect blended familiies. So, sometimes I just feel I need to suck it up and accept that I can't control everything. Some days I just want to pull my hair out. That's just life,  isn't it?  ... View more

I can sooo relate to your situation. I am not married but live common-law with my partner. We've been together for 6 years. I have a daughter who is now 14, and he has a son who's 15 and daughter who is 13 almost 14. The two girls are best of friends and have been since we first met. Their relationship is great and I love that my daughter has a step-sister and best friend. Plus my partner is a wonderful, kind man and I love him very much. But his son drives me insane! Right from the start I knew he had behaviour and social/emotional issues. Plus an undiagnosed learning disability. I'm also a teacher so I could spot the issue a mile away. My partner didn't see it and his ex is terrible and hates teachers so she was not too pleased that I was in the picture and didn't heed any of my advice to have him assessed and get him the supports he needed. So he went without any support and now as a 15 year old teenager with even more issues and I am at the end of my rope. He's incredibly lazy, a insanely picky eater, rude to the girls and fights with his sister all the time, only wants to hang out alone in the basement and play video games. Has no friends in real life, but a lot of strange friends online. He's constantly screaming and making strange noises downstairs with his online friends. My partner is a great person but not a strong parent. We fight a lot about it, and even saw a counsellor who gave us this advice: Let him parent his kids and I will parent mine. I had to learn to let go of trying to control the situation. It's sooooo hard to do, but I try my best. Things that he does that drive me nuts, I try to look the other way. I give my two cents to my partner, who does listen to me most times, but ultimately lets his son do whatever he wants. Whether that is staying up all night playing games or drinking a 2 L bottle of coke in one day, or not eating the dinner I made but having snacks afterwards. I would never allow these things if he was my son. And his mom doesn't allow it either, which is why my partner feels his son needs a break when he's at our place. My partner recognizes the bad behaviours but says, "Can't wait till he's 18," as if that will change anything. This is the kind of kid who would live in our basement until he's 40.  I am so torn because I accepted the kids when we got together. But it's becoming harder and harder to deal with his son. I now dread when his kids come over. It gives me terrible anxiety. His daughter has moments too, but generally I don't feel annoyed by her. So it tells me its not just the fact that he has kids, its this particular child and his lack of parenting. I accept my partner's parenting isn't going to change, nor is his son's behaviour. It'll probably just get worse. I do feel bad for his son in a lot of ways, because I feel both parents failed him. Every time I intervened, it caused a huge fight. So now I've given up, but I still can't stand his son.  I keep hanging on the hope that one day he'll move out and it won't be a problem anymore...but that's no way to live. And I feel bad, what kind of step mom am I to feel this way:(  ... View more