I can sooo relate to your situation. I am not married but live common-law with my partner. We've been together for 6 years. I have a daughter who is now 14, and he has a son who's 15 and daughter who is 13 almost 14. The two girls are best of friends and have been since we first met. Their relationship is great and I love that my daughter has a step-sister and best friend. Plus my partner is a wonderful, kind man and I love him very much. But his son drives me insane! Right from the start I knew he had behaviour and social/emotional issues. Plus an undiagnosed learning disability. I'm also a teacher so I could spot the issue a mile away. My partner didn't see it and his ex is terrible and hates teachers so she was not too pleased that I was in the picture and didn't heed any of my advice to have him assessed and get him the supports he needed. So he went without any support and now as a 15 year old teenager with even more issues and I am at the end of my rope. He's incredibly lazy, a insanely picky eater, rude to the girls and fights with his sister all the time, only wants to hang out alone in the basement and play video games. Has no friends in real life, but a lot of strange friends online. He's constantly screaming and making strange noises downstairs with his online friends. My partner is a great person but not a strong parent. We fight a lot about it, and even saw a counsellor who gave us this advice: Let him parent his kids and I will parent mine. I had to learn to let go of trying to control the situation. It's sooooo hard to do, but I try my best. Things that he does that drive me nuts, I try to look the other way. I give my two cents to my partner, who does listen to me most times, but ultimately lets his son do whatever he wants. Whether that is staying up all night playing games or drinking a 2 L bottle of coke in one day, or not eating the dinner I made but having snacks afterwards. I would never allow these things if he was my son. And his mom doesn't allow it either, which is why my partner feels his son needs a break when he's at our place. My partner recognizes the bad behaviours but says, "Can't wait till he's 18," as if that will change anything. This is the kind of kid who would live in our basement until he's 40. I am so torn because I accepted the kids when we got together. But it's becoming harder and harder to deal with his son. I now dread when his kids come over. It gives me terrible anxiety. His daughter has moments too, but generally I don't feel annoyed by her. So it tells me its not just the fact that he has kids, its this particular child and his lack of parenting. I accept my partner's parenting isn't going to change, nor is his son's behaviour. It'll probably just get worse. I do feel bad for his son in a lot of ways, because I feel both parents failed him. Every time I intervened, it caused a huge fight. So now I've given up, but I still can't stand his son. I keep hanging on the hope that one day he'll move out and it won't be a problem anymore...but that's no way to live. And I feel bad, what kind of step mom am I to feel this way:(
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