Well I spoke with my son today on our way Home from his workouts. Totally stayed calm and just spoke from my heart. I asked all the questions that went through my head all day. I explained that I was a teenager and understand all the things, pressures, insecurities, and curiosities teens have. I went on to explain to him that when I was a freshman in highschool my situation was very different then his. My mother had just passed away from cancer and I was lost, and curiosity gets the best of us at times. I said there are a lot of things in our lives and in this world that we can not control.. we can’t control those who die, the pandemic, wars, and decisions other make etc, but, that we can control our decisions and those who we surround ourselves with and how that will effect our future. He was definitely attentive and receptive of what I was saying. I then asked if he had spoken to his friends (those who I know he has been with) and he said yes. He said that when he told them they said how did she know. He told them I asked and he admitted it. They called him stupid and that he shouldn’t of told me. He replied with I don’t lie to my parents especially my mom, besides if she wants to know she will find out, I would rather get in trouble for the act of but not for being a liar and deceitful. He then continued to tell me that he told them he wasn’t going to do it again and they asked why and he said bc grades, sports and our trust is more important. I told him how I appreciated his honesty and that is why I did not over react and lose my cool with him. But I did ask if he liked it ? And if so why? He did tell me that he didn’t do it often and maybe only a handful of times ever. He said that it did just calm him down and helped him to sleep when he was at his friends house. I have always been on the fence with him having adhd and probably have even down played it to dr’s when they would go over the yearly questionnaire they would give me. I always analyzed the whole situation. He has great grades in honors classes, when I am home and see him lose focus I redirect, I keep him active in sports which helps him exert his energy. At times I have tried to give him melatonin to help with sleeping but it gives him restless legs and he does not like that feeling at all. (He is just like me hence why I type so much and have to give every little detail) So bottom line he told me he is more worried about grades, sports and his future than that. I followed and ended conversation with,- I can not control what you do, I can only guide you to make the best decisions, but I will not condone any actions like that. If he chooses to do it, there will be no sports, no gym memberships, no fancy expensive meals and supplements he wants to take so he can be the best athlete he wants to be. I continued to tell him that I will not waste my hard earned money on all this stuff if he is just contradicting his health with drugs. I also said that he will be under our watch and that the hanging out with friends is being pulled back for a bit and during that time he needs to reevaluate who he is surrounding himself with. He came home went to 2 baseball practices this evening after his football workout. Completed his homework and had me help him study for his honors biology test. But at the end of the conversation I told him he is one of my best gifts. He is so charming, handsome, loving, brutally honest, and borderline genius, I told him he is on this earth to make change and to be heard, and don’t let any stupid mistake define his future. I hope he didn’t just try to charm me, but I am all over this and I refuse to allow him to be another statistic! Thank you for your listening ear and reassurance through this little hiccup in mine and our sons life. Just typing it out on here had allowed me to look at the big picture. ... View more

We did not discuss the current consequences. But I have always said if that is the route they choose athletics, hanging out with friends etc are all off the table. I guess my real question is, do I have the discussion again and remind him of these consequences? As he explained to me that he has tried it not necessarily that it’s a thing he does often or if he has even done it more than once. That is the discussion I am going to have have with him this evening. My husband is my support system and him and I have discussed it. I remember when I caught my oldest son smoking cigarettes. I didn’t ground him or scream, I made him write a paper about the side effects of smoking, what it does to your body and how it would effect him as an athlete, lung cancer, and heart disease. Once he completed the paper he told me he was done and that o could read it. I deleted it. He looked at me and I said I know all the consequences of smoking but I needed to make sure you do. And then I left the choice up to him. But made it clear you smoke you don’t play sports. I’m not looking after myself, I’m fine as I understand that at some point in my childrens lives they will make a choice that I don’t agree with but it’s my job to keep them on track. ... View more