Hello, Thanks very much for taking the time to reflect on my post, and share your thoughts. Yes, I have shared with my wife. She is much more relaxed with this topic, knowing that long before I came into their lives, 7 years ago, that she has raised her/our daughter with love and respect and equipted her with the tools to negotiate the process of growing up to be an independent and empowered person. I see all that, and while she still has a lot of growing up to do ( and so do I ) at her core she is a quality human being, treats people kindly....for this I am blessed. She is not overtly doing anything "wrong" or "inappropriate", other than exploring a relationship with a boy, that is from my outsider perspective, is just deeper/special than any dating previously. My "worries" are my worries...I'm projecting or getting in my head of things that are natural. In it's most simple terms, it annoys me that someone is more than likely being intimate with her...with her concent. It's a complete normal process of growing into her life journey. She knows about safety and accountability in this area. The more I think of this, then I resent this young man (who for all intents and purposes has been and treats my daughter respectively) . When he's at our home, I can't sleep, and I end up just seething at what is or isn't happening. I know this is only pushing both my daughter and wife away...I am still doing counselling, and my daughter said she was open to going with me...which I really appreciate, and makes me believe that she is aware of my struggles...but I should be the one to be the rock for her and my wife. That saddens my that I have not handled myself better...and let my insecurities rule the narrative over the 5 weeks when this became know to us....i.e. her relationship. Thanks for sharing the other references.
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Hi...my almost 19 year old daughter has started her 1st serious relationship with a boy, and she refers to him as her boyfriend. This is all a natural evolution of her growth and journey as a young woman. She has a solid foundation as a person who has the tools to make decisions with clarity. The young man seems decent, and from what I have witnessed treats her well. But, instantly when I see anything (his shoes, backpack, etc.) I get filled with anxiety. The issue is, I am not adjusting well to this new stage of her life, and it is causing a big rift between my daughter and I well as my wife and I.. The 3 of us have had open, transparent conversations regarding this issue....while I can clearly and objectively understand this is life, and her life... I see and hear what she says, I still find I am not coping well ( I have tried counselling, I meditate, exercise, .... anything I can to try and acknowledge what I am feeling and then clear the thoughts from my mind).... It pains me, because the only thing that truly matters to me is my family! and I know that I am just pushing away my daughter and wife, because I am not being the father and husband and positive presence that they can count on. I guess I wrote this in an attempt to see if anyone else has had similar issues, and how they have gone about their respective paths to heal, to cope, to accept....etc.. thanks
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