My two kids and now ex-boyfriend moved to Florida 3 years ago. We were on our own. No family. I started working. Soon after I started going to school. My then boyfriends started working as well. Although we were both working I felt I had a lot on my shoulders. School, work, and the kids was a lot. But I worked because I wanted to make my own money. I wanted to provide financially, but it never made sense since I was always part time and made minimum wage. School was a way for me to get a better job but I ultimately chose wrong. The school I went to was only interested in the money and so I didn't get the education I needed to succeed in the field. I think if I would have been a stay at home mom my life would be much different right now. Because I love spending time with my kids. I would like for them to do extra curricular activities. I just don't have the time for it. So with all this thinking I've been doing, I feel maybe my whole purpose or my reason for being here has been to be the person to these kids. They love me and depend on me. I dont have anyone really to talk to about this. I feel this way of thinking would be strange to most.
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1. My children are 8 and 6. Something they did that made me laugh was actually today. We were in urgent care and they were bored so they started playing a game with their fingers. The game usually starts with avocado but since they were playing with fingers they said fingernail. I thought it was so silly. 2. I figure if I yell at them or try to punish them, it would not work. I'd get myself worked up. I always try to use logic with them. If you don't do this, then this happens. 3. I'm looking to see if anyone else feels what I'm currently feeling. I've spent my whole life trying to find purpose, trying to find who I am. And trying to provide for my children. But I think who I am is a mother. I love being a mother. It has changed me. And it has messed things up but because I didn't know it before. My goal in life was always make enough money to be able to pay for my own rent or mortgage maybe. But I took on too much and didn't realize it till now. I am trying to fix something now and I am hoping someone else feels this way so I know I'm not alone. 4. I do not have teenagers. But I think keeping an open communication line with the teenagers is very important and something I hope I do with my kids in a couple of years. 5. I get to spend those days with my kids. I love taking them to different places. Although for financial reasons, a movie is all I can do. Either at home and we'll order take out all day or we go to the theater.
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