I've definitely struggled with this issue too. A good approach might be setting specific times for no phone use, like during meals or before bed, and planning engaging family activities that don't involve screens. Leading by example and openly discussing the benefits of offline interactions can also make a big difference. It's all about finding the right balance! ... View more

Hi @missymoo13 , welcome to the ReachOut community! It takes strength to reach out for support, and your willingness to connect here shows just how resilient you are as a parent. It's clear that you care deeply about your children and their well-being.  I’m really sorry to hear about the challenges you and your family have faced and are currently facing. Dealing with family violence and the subsequent impacts on your children sounds incredibly painful and overwhelming, and I wanted to acknowledge your courage in facing such difficult circumstances. It's understandable to feel let down by systems that were meant to protect your family. Your commitment to self-care amidst these circumstances is admirable. Taking care of yourself, no matter how small the gesture, is crucial during tough times. Your tip for parents navigating the teenage years is insightful and reflective of your understanding of the importance of giving teens the space to grow and discover themselves. It can be really important to strike that balance between offering support and granting independence.  I encourage you to create your own thread here to share more about your journey and to connect with other parents who may be going through similar challenges. And I wish you all the luck in finding connection and support within the ReachOut community ... View more

Hi again @Garnet , Thank you for supporting Akitten on this thread. Your comment about putting on your own oxygen mask first is spot on. We can't look after others without first making sure we ourselves are okay. It can help to remind ourselves of this if we are ever feeling guilty for prioritising our own wellbeing. Your mentioning of Radical Acceptance as a skill is so insightful as well. Thank you for sharing this. There's a lot of things in life that do indeed suck and sometimes it can be more helpful to accept (this doesn't necessarily have to mean approve of) the things we cannot change. This can help us redirect our efforts to things that are within our control and feel more empowered ... View more

Dear @LIPTON , It sounds like an incredibly difficult place to be in. We hear that you know there needs to be consequences for stealing, yet your daughter has mentioned that she feels like self-harming due to the grounding. We read that there are some strong emotions in this. As ReachOut Parent Forums are for parents and families of teenagers, it is outside our scope to provide advice for 10 year olds. If you are interested, you may want to have a look at this factsheet about self-harm, however, please note it is targeted at teenagers. Parentline may also be helpful. Are there any supports in place for your daughter at school? Or has your child been referred to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services? Please know you are not alone.   ... View more

Hi @StepMumm4  I hear how difficult it is for you at the moment managing not only the situation with your stepdaughter but also the court and legal processes. You are showing a lot of resilience and care in wanting to be there to support your family and your concern really shines through. We are going to send you an email shortly to check-in, so keep an eye out for that. ... View more

Hi there @cjs_mmm , Thank you for responding. It sounds like you are have been doing what you can on your side to better things but your wife does not really seem interested. Do I have that right? The points you have raised seem reasonable. I'm curious to know what you think might be stopping her from engaging in couples therapy? Have you ever been able to share these goals of therapy with her - whether in writing or face-to-face? I'm not expert, but perhaps it's good to speak to someone about your current situation? As parents, both have rights when it comes to their children. Perhaps Family Relationships Online which Bel-RO shared with you is a good start. It may give you some guidance as to how to move forward. All the best. ... View more

Hi @Sunshine_85 ,   Thank you for sharing what has been going on for you at home. It must be so disheartening to watch your children stay home instead of going to school. Unfortunately, it seems that school refusal or school can't is on rise. There are many parents in the same situation. It sounds like you have done what you can to support your 15 year old such as enrolling him into trade school.   For some students, once they get into a habit of not going to school, they find it difficult to go back and face their peers. They would've also missed out on a lot of work which means they would find going back quite overwhelming. Have you asked your boys why they don't want to go to school? What would happen if they have a fresh start in a new school?   Also, have you been in touch with the school to talk about your children's school can't? They may look at a re-engagement program for them such as getting them onsite to speak to a counsellor/wellbeing team, and slowly integrating them back into class - starting with a few hours at a time? These are all options schools are open to. But I hear your older one won't speak to anyone... would your younger one talk to someone?   Here are some articles on school refusal that you might like to have a read through. ReachOut also have a free service that provides 1:1 parent coaching that you may want to check out as well. You can find more info here.   As difficult as things are for you right now, it is important you have supports for yourself. Self-care is so important at this time.   ... View more

Good Evening @Boohughes , I wanted to follow-up to see how things are going and whether there has been any change since you last posted?     ... View more

Hi there @kujo4pm , Thanks for posting and reaching out to the community to ask about experiences related to working from home. I hear how great it has been for you to be able to work from home and look after your children at the same time. I'm sure there are many others who are in a similar position. Many Australian workplaces now have requested workers return onsite whether for some or all of the time (which I'm sure you are aware of). I recognise how this can turn things upside down for those who have carer responsibilities, especially for young children. You mentioned you have 'been ordered back into the office' - there are many ins and outs of this. If you haven't looked into this already, it's good to know your rights which you can read up on here from the Fair Work Ombudsman around Flexibility in the Workplace. There are many factors which may or may not apply to you, so it's good to know what the law says. Some employers are happy to make reasonable adjustments in terms of flexible work arrangements - however, of course this is dependant on your case.  I hope you come to a place where feel confident and comfortable with fulfilling both your work and carer responsibilities.  We look forward to hearing how you go. ... View more

Hey @Forster43-  Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like you are your family are all going through a very tough time at the moment. It is understandable how hard this must be for you, and I am really glad that you have been able to reach out for some support and share this with us. It sounds like some of the things your daughter has been saying have been really hurtful towards you, as well as the rest of the family which is understandable. I can hear how much your daughter means to you, and how much you are trying to support her. It also sounds like you have done a great job at getting her as much support to help her through this and it is great to hear that she is receiving support from a psychiatrist, MH service, psychologist and school supports. You mentioned that your daughter has experienced suicidal thoughts and has self-harmed in the past and I was curious about whether you have a safety plan in place, or if you would consider creating one? We have some information here about safety planning and how to create one here which you may find helpful. We also have some more resources about supporting your teen with suicidal thoughts here.  I was also wondering about what supports you have at the moment and if you have spoken to anyone about what is going on? This is a lot for you to be dealing with and it is important that you are also receiving some support. You don’t have to go through this alone. Also, we have sent you another email to check in. Could you please keep an eye out for it? Thanks.  Take care and we hope to hear back from you soon.  ... View more

Hi @lostB  I can see that you are going through an incredibly challenging time with what has happened between you and your ex. It's clear that you want to be there for your child and be part of the process and that you are struggling with feeling like this won't happen. You mentioned that there are a lot of concerns that you have for how you can see your new baby, how to manage custody and their birth certificate. These are understandable things to worry about as you prepare to begin your journey together, and I was wondering what you have been doing to manage your feelings and wellbeing in this difficult time? Do you have any support networks to lean on as you navigate these challenges? You said that you were worried your ex would throw something at you next and that it shatters you to think about. It's good to hear that you are getting as much information as you can so that you can manage whatever happens next and are considering a mediator so that you can organise a parenting agreement. Do you have any other sources of legal or social support between yourself and your ex? It helps to know that you don't need to go through this experience alone. Looking forward to hearing back from you. ... View more

Hey @Health-hazard  Thank you for sharing what has been going on for you. It sounds like you have also been going through a challenging time with your eldest daughter. I am sorry to hear that your daughter has been saying those sad sentiments to you, it is understandable how upsetting and hard it must be for you to hear those things. It is clear how much you love and care for your daughter and she is very lucky to have you. It sounds like you have been doing a really great job at making sure that she knows how much you love and care for her which is really great to hear. Have you found this to be helpful? I also encourage you to create your own post if you are ever wanting to talk more about this, or share anything else that may be on your mind. We are all here to listen and support you as much as we can. Take care. ... View more

Hi @LeeBelle ,   Thank you for responding. I'm glad to hear you were able to speak to the psychologist and the wait will be about a week. What a relief that you didn't have to wait months for support.    I'm sorry to hear how tired and run down you are feeling at the moment. With the constant worry, it is understandable that you feel like you don't have energy and are worn out. It must be so hard that your husband doesn't see the need for other supports including professional supports. I read that you find it hard to speak to him about these things because he just doesn't get it. I recognise that his family don't really have an understanding either, and that can leave you so isolated.   On the flip side, it's good to hear you had a few hours of reprieve when the kids came over. It must have felt so liberating to be able to laugh and have fun with them. How old are they? I read that the eldest has noticed something isn't right with their once much loved aunt. Have you ever considered what you could say to them?    I hope you are able to get the support you need. That is, put on your own oxygen mask before saving others.    By connecting with others on the forums, I hope you will feel less isolated in this part of your journey. Remember, you are not alone.   We look forward to hearing from you. ... View more

Hi @t2008, Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. It must be so difficult to go through this whilst looking after your son. Separations can be so challenging and having children to juggle, I commend you for the effort you are putting in to try to cope. I notice you are trying to connect with griefline.  Do you have any support from friends, family or professionals? We also have some resources that might be relevant for you.  Parents Beyond Breakup is a service which has resources and a business hours counselling line. There are also two websites: health direct and family relationships which both have some information and other referrals. Please feel most welcome to keep us updated  ... View more

Hey @TassieMama  How are you? I just had a read through your post and I am sorry to hear that you and your family have been experiencing such a difficult time. It sounds like your whole family have been doing everything they can to help support your daughter with her anxiety and depression and it is really great to hear how much support she has around her. She is very lucky to be surrounded by people who all love and care for her so much and just want the best for her. It is understandable how difficult this must be for you all, as it sounds like you have all been trying really hard to help her through this and are unsure on how to move forward. I am mindful of the impact this must be having on you, your relationship and your family in general. I know you mentioned that your daughter was seeing someone but I was wondering whether you, or anyone else in your family were also receiving any support around this? This is a lot to be dealing with and you all deserve all the support available to you during this time. I know you also mentioned that your husband has suggested for her to move out, and was wondering if this were to happen, whether your daughter has anywhere safe to go and if she would have any additional support if this were to happen? It sounds like this is a lot to be managing and I was also curious about whether you have any positive strategies, or if anything helps you to take care of yourself and prioritise your own wellbeing? Take care and we look forward to hearing back from you. ... View more

Hey @Sunshine73  Just wanted to chime in to say how difficult of an experience it must be to see your son struggling with school and wanting him back to his normal happy self. Being anxious about not knowing whether he will go to appointments is completely valid. Have you found any strategies that help? And have you been able to talk to anyone about your own anxiety? It's important to have support for yourself too. It must be incredibly difficult when friends don't understand the extent of your son's struggles and that you can't speak to your entire family about it. It's great to see that you have reached out for other supports, but not having a network that understands is difficult at the best of times. Even through this, you aren't alone in your struggles. Have you been able to connect with any other parents about what you're going through? I wanted to flag this website to you. They have a Facebook group for Australian parents and carers of children and teens with school refusal. It might be helpful to connect and hear other parents' stories in one big community.  Let us know if this is helpful for you. We're here to support you any way we can.   ... View more

Hey @Amy_Parent , That's so great to hear that you were able to have a meeting about the missing money. Whether she admitted or denied, at least it's on the table that you are aware and have noticed that money has been going missing. At the same time, well done for reaching out to Parentline. It's times like these when hearing another's insight may be helpful. All the best with everything. ... View more

Hi @Luna1967 welcome to the ReachOut Community, its really nice to have you here I'm really sorry to hear about the challenges you and your daughter are facing with her separation anxiety. I imagine for her that the constant fear of something terrible happening to you is incredibly debilitating. It's clear that you deeply care about her well-being and want to find a way to help her. It can be incredibly tough to witness your child struggling with such severe anxiety, especially when it affects their daily life so acutely. I can sense your love and concern for her well-being, and your willingness to make sacrifices to support her. It sounds like you have tried various approaches, including seeking help and making accommodations for her, but haven't found a solution that works for both you and your daughter yet. What are you thinking your next steps are? It's really important to take care of your own mental health as well. Do you have any support for yourself at the moment? Supporting a child with anxiety can be emotionally draining, so please remember to prioritise self-care and seek support for yourself. The services Chloe-RO shared above might be a good place to start if you are interested.  You and your daughter don’t have to face this alone. We are here for you. ... View more

Hi @katcantcope1_  That's really great to hear you've made an appointment to get some support. It can be a bit of a daunting thing to do initially, but well done for making this step. Have you made an appointment to get support from your GP or a therapist, or another support service?   Guilt can be a really difficult emotion to cope with, have you been able to chat to any family or friends about how you're feeling? Sometimes it can help to share the load with others and not feel as if you have to sit with everything you're feeling on your own.    Not having a good sleep can really affect us too. I'm wondering if there's anything you've tried in the past that has helped you get a better sleep at all? If you find your sleep doesn't improve, it'd also be a good thing to chat to your GP about so they can support you further. ... View more

Hey @Rusand , Thank you for posting! It's incredible you can connect with your son through drawing. I'm sorry to hear there are limitations on access, but at the same time, good on you for finding his passion. I hear you want to nurture your son's love of drawing. Have you heard of directed drawing? Directed drawing is taught in so many schools because of it's benefits. Kids learn to follow instructions, lay the foundations of art, develop fine motor skills in a creative way, connect learning and it also supports them to give attention to detail! An amazing channel teachers and families access is the Art for Kids Hub This channel actually shows a father working with their kids to teach them to draw.  Let us know what you think. ... View more

Hi @AgonyA ,   Thank you for sharing your experiences of your journey around your son's recovery. You have been able to share valuable insights into what worked for you and your son.  I encourage members to contact their health professionals to look at the best therapy/medication for your loved ones.  One things for sure - recovery IS possible. ... View more

Hey @NannyPop  Thank you for sharing more about your situation with us. From what you've shared, it sounds like it has been a very tough time for you and your family recently. I can hear how challenging this has been for you and your family and how hard you are all trying to support her through this and get her all the support available, even by sharing this with us shows just how hard you are trying. Your granddaughter is lucky to have such amazing people around her for support like yourself who care so deeply for her and just want the best for her. In saying that, I can hear how much of an impact that this has been having on you which is understandable. It sounds like it has been a difficult situation to navigate through and like you are all trying your best to manage. I know you mentioned that your daughter was meeting with the school principal today and are worried about the outcome of this which is very understandable. I was wondering whether the school has been able to provide any support for your granddaughter? Have they been able to come up with a plan together on how they can best support you all, or is this something that would be an option to discuss with them? I was also wondering whether your granddaughter had any other supports from either a GP, school counsellor or mental health professional?  I wanted to share our parents and careers coaching service with you which you may find helpful. It is a free service where you can speak to a family professional and receive some support. We have more information about it here. I can also hear how much of an impact this has all be having on you and was wondering if you have been able to do anything to help take care of yourself? It's important that you are also prioritising your own wellbeing and taking care of yourself. We have some information about the importance of self-care for families here which you may be interested in. Thank you again for sharing this with us. Remember that we are all here for you, to listen and support you as much as we can. Also, I have sent you an email to check in. Could you please keep an eye out for that. Take care and we hope to hear back from you soon. ... View more

Dear @sunset1 , I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is being bullied. It must be so hard to watch your daughter feeling down each day, knowing she is finding school so difficult. Firstly, does the school know your daughter has ASD? If they do, they may be able to put some extra supports in place whether they be whole-school approaches or small group approaches. Secondly, does your daughter have supports in place such as an individual learning plan, supports from the wellbeing team or co-ordinator? These may include social goals. It would be good if your daughter has someone to speak to or a place to go when she feels it is too much. There are definitely ways she can be supported. I hear your stress, and I read of your daughter's distress. We will be waiting to hear back from you.   ... View more

Hi @Confused86 ,   Thank you for sharing what has been happening for your grandson.It sounds like it is quite a tricky period for you and your grandson right now. I'm wondering if your grandson is struggling at school? That is, in terms of friendships, peer pressure, school work?  In terms of finding industry-based education, it is definitely an option. I'm not quite sure of the age groups, but there are TAFES which allow students to complete Year 11 and 12 there. It is a must freer and mature environment - no uniforms, carefully timed schedules. Some students benefit highly from this sort of education, but I recognise your grandson probably has 1-2 years to go before they can study at TAFE. There are also engagement programs such as https://www.pcycnsw.org.au/ There are many opportunities out there. Please do not feel like there is only one path to be successful in life. It may be worth speaking to the school's wellbeing team so see what other organisations and services are available to your grandson. Fingers crossed. ... View more

HI @SJsMum , I can certainly hear your anxieties around your son showing signs of being autistic. As much as you adore and love your son, this can be a scary thing for first time parents. I sense you want the best for your little boy and want to support him as much as possible. A good start would be to speak to your your GP where you can chat about some of your concerns, observations etc. From there, you can ask for a referral to be made to see a paediatrician. Now, depending on whether you want to go through the private or public system, wait times can vary. Hence, it is probably good to see what your GP says. Good news is, early intervention can make a world of difference for children with ASD. For example, you can access NDIS packages aimed to support children with ASD. This may include funding for occupational therapists, speech, etc. There are many supports out there. But before jumping to any of this, pay a visit to a GP and then go from there. At the same time, monitor your own mental health and remember self-care is key to supporting your son. Perhaps it's even a visit to your GP to get a Mental Health Care Plan so you can access subsidised psychology sessions to talk through some of these stressors? Or, do you have friends/family you can talk to? You do not have to go through this alone. All the best and we look forward to hearing how you go. ... View more

Hi @Dlr579 ,   I'm sorry to hear how tough it is right now in not knowing what to do with your daughter. We read you so desperately want to support her yet you don't know where to turn. It must be so difficult to see your daughter not being able to be accepted by the community even from a young age. In terms of BPD treatments, there are talking therapies such as dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Mentalisation-based therapy (MBT) which are all shown to help those with BPD find more helpful ways of dealing with emotional pain. The only issue is, your daughter must want the treatment in order for treatments to work. I'm not sure anyone can 'make' someone attend therapy as this will have little effect.  At this time, does your daughter have any supports for her mental health? This is probably the first step. It sounds like there are a myriad of things going on for her at the moment. Each condition can affect the other.  At the same time, it is important you feel safe in your own home. Boundary setting is so important for people with BPD - they help protect both parties. Unfortunately, if things get out of hand, you may need to contact emergency services. Do you think you daughter realises there's an issue at the moment? If so, do you think she is ready to get support? ... View more

Hi Dear @Boblistar , So sorry to hear what you're going through. We have a 19 year old son and 17 year old daughter and they keep us on our toes.  Our kids haven't moved out and actually haven't been very active in the dating scene. However, my friend's daughter moved out, back with dad and now she and the boyfriend are back at their place with a baby on the way. You probably didn't want to hear that I guess that's also a concern with teenage relationships. So much stress and hard to know where to turn.  Through everything we've been through as a family, I think the great challenge is trying to keep the lines of communication open with teens. I am often trying to talk to our daughter through a closed door and I've had to be resourceful trying to connect with her. I don't know whether you have a family pet your son might be missing, but perhaps you could text through a photo. Or maybe just a text to say hi. I remember when I was young how connected you can become with your boyfriend/girlfriend and it's us against the world and it can be hard to compete with that as a parent. Hopefully, you've laid enough groundwork for that to filter through and remind you of what you mean to him. When I've been worried about my daughter, there have been times where I haven't been able to reach her but something kickstarted in her and she pulled back of her own accord. That isn't always the case. The other thing is if there are some of his friends you might run into or social group, sport etc where you might be about to keep in touch via a third party. That said, maybe there's a family member who could approach him. I hope this helps. Best wishes, Birdwings.  ... View more

Sorry about that @aaaaaaaa1 - the link seems to be working for me, but if you email us at forums@reachout.com with your contact details, we will pass them onto the coaching service for you. Thanks!  ... View more