@2teenageboys It sounds like you really are doing as much as you can to try to resolve this issue but I can hear how much of an impact it is having on you. Since your son has autism, I think @Natalie-RO might be onto something with the potential of sensory issues being part of this particular puzzle. Having a chat to him about what is happening for him internally might help shed some light on the situation. Perhaps he finds showers really overstimulating (I have heard some autistic people describe showers as being like needles to them), or maybe the particular deodorant feels gross on his skin, or has a scent that he can't handle. If so, the solution might be to have baths (if possible) or to try some different kinds of deodorant. He may also experience something that is known as Persistent Drive for Autonomy (PDA), which you can read a bit more about here. In that case, working collaboratively with him to find ways that he can actively choose to care for his hygiene, rather than needing to be told, might be helpful. It does sound like a tricky situation, I hope that these things help you to find a resolution that works for everyone.  ... View more

@Aphi2023 Hi there, welcome to the forums. I'm glad you've found your way to our community, and been able to share your story with us. I can only imagine how difficult and isolating it has been to go through this alone. It sounds like your life has gone down a very unexpected path, and you're at a loss of where to turn or what steps to take next. You obviously really care about your son, to go to so much effort to get an accurate diagnosis - to me this says you are wanting to better understand his experiences of life, how they might be different, and how you can provide the best environment for him to grow up in. He's lucky to have you.    It sounds like a very tough situation with his father, where you do get some practical support but very little in the way of emotional support or connection. I can't tell you whether separating is the right choice or not, but I do know that there are definitely success stories out there of single mums who raise their autistic children happy and healthy. I do think getting the right support around you is a key part of this, and so maybe moving somewhere where there are more community programs, more accessible support, or more specialised care, is the way to go. It is a tough decision to make no matter what you choose. I think at the end of the day, finding community and connection are really important for both you and your son.    I have put together a little list here of articles, organisations, and videos that might help you on your journey. As we are an Australian organisation, some of it will be Australian-based, and so may also be limited in the support they could provide to you - but worth exploring regardless.  Amaze - Autism Connect Amaze - Understand Autism ASAN (Autistic Self Advocacy Network) - Guide for Parents of Autistic Kids ASAN - Resource Library Autism Parenting - Tips for Single Parents Autism Parenting - Finding love when you have a child with autism Video - 5 things I wish my parents knew when raising me with autism Intense World Theory of Autism I hope this helps, and of course please let us know if there's any further info or resources we might be able to help with. You don't deserve to do this alone.  ... View more

Hi there @Confused86 and welcome to the forums. It sounds like your son is having a lot of difficulty, it's great you're doing what you can to support him and that he also has the support of his manager. If you're looking for information about the legal system, you may want to contact the Dept of Education, or give LegalAid a call. We also have some information about school refusal that could be worth a read through.  Have you spoken to him much about what might be going on for him? Understanding a bit more about why he is finding it hard to engage with school could help guide the next steps that you could take.  ... View more

Hi @heythere thank you for sharing with us, sounds like a very tricky situation, and that the strategies usually given for school refusal don't seem to work for you. Perhaps you could remind her of the fact that she was capable of building up to it last term, and so she can do so again.  What other ways does she have to manage her anxiety? I know you say she doesn't do psychology, which is tricky, but you could also encourage her to try something like Kids Helpline, which may be a lot more approachable. It sounds like she may need help in finding ways to regulate her emotional state and return to baseline rather than being stuck in fight or flight.  For yourself as well, it could be helpful to get some extra support. Navigating situations like this can be very taxing, and we all need to be able to vent and feel heard from time to time.  ... View more

Hey @kiddos glad to have you here with us. Can be so hard to feel unable to help your kids develop meaningful relationships. Perhaps your kids are struggling to feel settled? We have a bundle of resources that you (and your kids) could read through to help in this area, check them out: Making Friends - Can parents help? How to make friends at school A gazillion ways to make new friends   Getting the support of a school counsellor could also be helpful, as well as chatting to your kids about what is going on for them, where their struggles are, stuff like that.    Let us know if there's further support or resources we could potentially provide  ... View more

@Mumtofour it does sound like a particularly exhausting situation to be in, and one that has left you feeling quite lost and confused.    Of course you deserve your own life, and the fact that this situation has you questioning this says to me that you have been carrying this pressure for a really long time now, impacting your thoughts and beliefs.    I hope the above resources are helpful, and would also recommend looking for a BPD parents and carers support group in your area, if there is one. I'd also like to include another resource from the BPD Foundation - a list of helpful tips for caring for someone with BPD.    You could also give Carers Australia a call, not just for support in the moment but also in terms of exploring their options for things like counselling and respite.   You deserve care and support, and neither you nor your daughter deserve to go through this alone. We're glad to have you with us.  ... View more

Hey @RachelB sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling with self-harm as well. That is such a tough thing to face as a parent, and can be very overwhelming for all involved. Have a read through of this article - it gives some insights into why your child may be self-harming, and links to further resources about what steps you could potentially take next.    Again, we are glad to have you with us here and invite you to continue to reach out to the community if you want to talk about it further.  ... View more

Hi @RachelB and welcome to the online community. It sounds like things are really rough for you and your daughter at present, so it's great you've decided to reach out to us for some extra support.    We have some resources around school refusal, as it is quite an issue for many parents in Australia. This post may be a good place to start, and has some further reading there too. We also have an article, Everything you need to know about school refusal - hope this helps.    Let us know if you have any questions and feel free to continue to post as needed, and we will do our best to support you through this difficult time.  ... View more

Hi @Bellalight,  It is genuinely devastating to read of your struggles to navigate a faulty system, and be stuck at the fringes of the lives of your children. I can hear how hard you have been fighting to not only be a part of their lives, but also to find ways to give them the best possible chances of living full lives, free from abuse and alienation.  I believe you are absolutely correct, in that addressing the root causes of the issue is essential in building a better future for everyone, especially our children. Working in the mental health system has shown me the depths of disparity between the things that need to change, and the rate of how changes are implemented. A painfully slow process, and one that is continuing to leave so many folks in destitution and despair. Though, I have also been witness to the fact that there are truly caring and dedicated people who work within these systems who are fighting for change and fighting to protect and uplift the most vulnerable people in our society, and I hope that you are able to find some professional supports that fit into this group, even though I do hear how burnt you are on trusting anyone within the system.  I'm afraid I can't offer much in terms of options to explore that haven't already been suggested, and it sounds like you have already walked down many paths in seeking changes to your current circumstances. I had a thought though, and do please do with it what you see fit - it may not be something you're interested in, but it might be beneficial in its own way. Sometimes, children who have been separated from their parents will grow wiser as they grow older, and seek out said parent of their own volition. Perhaps you could write letters or stories for your children that speak to them of your feelings, your love, your devotion. I know it's not much in terms of resolving your situation, but the process itself could be therapeutic, as well as hold onto the hope that those words may one day reach your children and remind them that you have always wanted what is best for them.  I hope that by continuing to tell your story and raise awareness, you may find allies who will also fight alongside you to ensure your kids can get the support and care they deserve - as well as yourself, because you are also deserving of care in this truly horrendous situation.  ... View more