Hi @missmoneypenny thank you for the update. I can really hear how much this is creating such internal conflict for you, not knowing if what you're doing is a help or a hindrance. From what you've shared, it really does sound like you are doing an incredible job of being supportive, and ensuring your son knows that you care deeply about him and just want him to flourish.    I can imagine it to be very confusing as to why he is so resistant to leave for school, despite seeming to be fine once there. It might be something even he does not yet quite understand, but we can hope that with ongoing therapeutic support, things will become clearer in time.    I truly admire your resilience, and you're right - sometimes it is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And we're here to walk alongside you as you go.  ... View more

Hi @hopelessparent thank you for the update, and I'm glad that the information has been helpful for you. It is apparent that his behaviour is having a huge impact on the whole family, so it's no wonder that your own mental health is impacted. Do you have much by way of support for yourself? Could be something worth chatting to your GP about, with the possibility of getting a referral to see a psych so you can get some support and have a space to be able to talk about and work through the ways this has been weighing on you.    It also sounds incredibly challenging to be the one bearing the brunt of it when your son lashes out, it is normal to feel hurt and confused by this. I can understand why this situation has created tension in your relationship with your husband as well. There's a great organisation called Relationships Australia that could be worth looking into; they provide both couples and family counselling, and have a myriad of resources on their website that you could trawl through too.   I can understand how disappointing, perhaps even hurtful it would have been to have been trying to enjoy some time away as a family, only to have your son completely disengaged from the moment. Sometimes it can be difficult to understand why young people become so engrossed in their phones, especially when on holiday where, surely the excitement of breaking away from the usual routine would be enough to pull someone away from their tech! We've also got some articles about technology and teenagers, as well as how to help your teenager take a break from technology.   Despite all that is happening for you, I think it's worth noting that you are showing a lot of resilience, as well as compassion for your family, and insight into your own needs. Taking the time to talk about it is something to be commended, and I hope you continue to reach out as often as you need to. ... View more

Hi @hopelessparent welcome to the forums. I'm really sorry to hear that your home has become such a distressing place that you need to escape to your holiday home just to get some respite. It is understandable that you are feeling resentful and very hurt. It sounds like there is a lot of tension in the house and it is causing you to question everything, including your relationship with him. Sometimes, extreme stress can create intense friction, both with the other and within ourselves, and cause us to be filled with doubt. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to find resolution, and I commend you for taking the initiative to seek counselling support.  We do have a free coaching service for parents that you could look into, which you can find here. I know that you have said nothing feels like it is working, but sometimes a fresh perspective on a situation can help. I also wanted to ask you about other supports - do you have anyone in your family or friends with whom you can discuss the situation? I'm curious as well about what your household looks like. Is it just you and your son? Are there other family members in the house who are impacted by this?  Another important factor is your own mental wellbeing and self-care. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our concern for our loved ones that we can forget that we deserve to nurture our own mental health too. Do you have many opportunities to engage in the things you love doing? We have some info and ideas about self-care that you can read about here. Some other resources you might find helpful:  Anger and teenagers How to calm down an angry teenager Things to try: Family conflict Effective communication Building trust Coping skills & resilience   You can also always get in touch with 1800respect if things do escalate, or if you're worried about the potential of violence or abuse. They're a very kind and compassionate bunch, and can talk you through options for further support. We also have a list of family services available to help with concerns around safety, housing, or conflict. You deserve peace and deserve to feel safe and settled in your own home. I am glad you found us, and hope you continue to share and connect on the forums as long as you need to. Let us know if there's any other ways we can support you through this challenging time.  ... View more

@tjacque88 welcome to the forums, I am so glad you've found this space to get some support for you and your son. It sounds like it's been a very difficult time, full of upheaval and uncertainty. I hear that you are concerned about your son's mental health, as well as his future. I can imagine it is very difficult to see him so disengaged and disinterested, and it's understandable that you are quite worried.  It might be helpful for your son to get some mental health support. If he is open to it, a good place to start might be with Headspace, who offer mental health support to young people. They even have online support via eHeadspace that he may be able to access before you move to Victoria. School refusal is not an uncommon issue that many parents face. It can be very confusing and disheartening to see it unfold. We have some resources that could be helpful for you, to give you some insights into what might be going on, and some things to try.  School Refusal and Teenagers Things to Try Practical Strategies Stress and Teenagers   We also have some resources that could help when it comes to his gaming addiction and his spending so much time online: Help your teenager take a break from technology Playing the gme when it comes to screen time limits Connect to your teen through gaming I hope this gives you a place to start, and of course we are here to support you through this journey as best we can, especially during the adjustment period when you move. Let us know if there's any other ways we can support you or provide further information to help you navigate the path forward for you and your family.  ... View more

Hi @VeeBee and welcome, I'm so sorry to read that your daughter is in such distress. I can imagine it came as quite a shock to hear this, and incredibly distressing to know that she is struggling and not knowing how to help. I think it does show that your daughter feels she can trust you and be open with you, if she's been able to open up to you about this. It may be bringing up all sorts of heavy feelings for you, like shock, anguish, panic, anger; they are all normal reactions to have.  It's really great that she has the support of a psychologist, hopefully she will be able to work on some coping tools and strategies for herself. A helpful thing to do is to create a safety plan, if she hasn't already done so with her psychologist. It can be something she does on her own, or you could do it together. Another option is to encourage her to contact Kids Helpline, if she ever needs to talk it through with someone. We have some info about supporting teens with suicide ideation here as well as some tips for talking to her about suicide here. It might also help to have a read about another parent whose teen struggled with suicide. Similarly, we have info about self-harm, as well as some positive coping skills, and another story shared by a parent whose child was self-harming. You could even encourage your daughter to join the Reachout Youth Forums, so she can talk about her experiences and connect with other young people who may be able to relate to her experiences. Amongst it all, it is also really important that you are looking after your own self care too. One cannot pour from an empty cup, and these kinds of things can have huge impacts on our own mental health and wellbeing. Do you have support for yourself? A close friend or relative, or a therapist of your own? It can really help to have someone to confide in and get stuff off your chest. We've also got some more ideas on looking after yourself here. I think one of the most important things is to have patience, approach with curiosity and compassion, and remind her that she can always come and talk to you about things if they get too heavy. It's really great that you've found this space, and I hope you continue to connect with us as you go. We will do our best to walk beside you during this difficult time.  ... View more

@Sunshine72 I am glad that you have shared with us about how much this is weighing on you. I can really hear the sorrow and heartbreak this is causing you. I hope that even just the process of writing and sharing has helped you to feel a little lighter. "What's shareable is bearable"; a phrase that has helped me many a time.  I can also see how much you're doing to try to put boundaries and limits in place, and whilst it may be frustrating that he is finding ways around him, I think that consistency is a positive. I also think it is very important to continue to focus on the things you can control, and focus on your own self-care wherever possible. It is definitely tough when you find yourself in situations (like you describe with your workplace) where you feel you have to suppress a lot of what you're feeling, so it is really great that you are then releasing those emotions in a safe space - like here on the forums.  Your hopefulness and perserverance are inspiring, and I am glad that you have continued to share your story here so that others may be inspired too. Thank you.  ... View more

Hi @Sandee and @Sunshine72, I am really glad to see that you are both finding solidarity and connection together, though of course I wish it weren't such difficult circumstances that have brought you together here on the forums.  It sounds like for both of you, there is a lot of stress in having to sit in uncertainty about the safety and wellbeing of your children and not knowing what it will take for them to feel ready to start accepting help. It is incredible how much strength and resilience you are both demonstrating, both in your individual circumstances and in coming here to support one another as well. It is heartwarming to see.  @Sandee it sounds like you know you do need to take time for yourself, and it's okay to struggle to be able to do so. I think that the suggestions that @Sunshine72 has shared are really insightful, especially finding the small positives that you can, each day. I hope you can find your own ways to cope, and you can also have a look at the ones listed here for more ideas. @Sunshine72 I really admire your incredibly proactive approach, and can really sense how much that despite all the distress, you are not only keeping yourself busy and taking the time to research things, but also to connect with others and share what you've learned.  You are both on the right track, and whilst it is indeed a tough road to walk, none of us need walk it alone.  ... View more

Hi @Daisy18 thanks for sharing your updates with us all here. Hopefully the new medication will be impactful for your son in all the right ways.    I am also really struck by your hopeful resilience, I think it is incredible. Even just your statement, 'I know that he won't be like this forever, I just hope he can see that too' is such a beautiful example of your courage in such a difficult situation. Holding onto that hope will take you far, and your son as well.    You say your motivation is a bit low because of how difficult things have been. I wanted to ask how you are going, day-to-day? Do you have self-care activities that you are engaging in on a regular basis? I hope you are still able to take time for yourself as much as you need to, it is so important for us all.    Feel free to keep us posted with how your son's new meds work out for him. Glad to know that you are making the most of the forums as a space for supporting yourself through it all.  ... View more

Hi @Daisy18  I just wanted to commend you as well, echoing what others have said about the incredible effort you are making in order to provide your son with as many opportunities as possible for him to improve. I can imagine that seeing him decline further is very disparaging for you. I think you're right in thinking that he himself has to be the one to want things to change, and believe that it's possible. It can be very painful to feel helpless in the meantime, so it's really great to hear that you are taking steps towards supporting yourself along the way. Maybe in time, he might witness you seeing improvements in your own life from therapy, and it could give him hope for his own therapeutic process and recovery.    I hope that you're able to get a sooner appointment with the psych. You're doing an incredible job at providing your son with as many opportunities as possible, many doors he can choose from to find what support will work best for him. Choice and agency can go a long way with mental health, and he will walk through the right door when he's ready. We'll be here beside you as long as you need us  ... View more

Hey @AngelMum3 and welcome to the Parents Forum. I hope you find this to be a supportive and caring community.    I'm sorry to hear that things are so challenging for you. It can be incredibly tough to be a single mum, especially in our modern world. You're doing amazingly by taking the time to encourage your son to be kind and respectful. I think it's normal for a lot of people to feel like they're failing when facing the kinds of challenges that come with raising a kid. But the fact that you're on here looking for support, that you take the time to sit with your son and talk to him, that says you're striving to do your best for the benefit of your child. I can really hear how much you care.    If you want to, you're welcome to start a thread of your own, if you think it could be helpful to share your story with us. You can also have a look around at other threads and see if there's any stories or insights from other parents that resonate with your experiences. Let us know if you have any questions or would like any support along your journey  ... View more

@katcantcope1_ Hey welcome to the forums, glad to have you with us. Sounds like it has been quite the intense journey for you over the last 12 years. I hope that it has been good to read of others' stories and resonate with them.  Having to cut your daughter out of your life is a big decision, so if you feel like you want to talk about it all you're welcome to share as much (or as little) of your story as you like. Sometimes it can be really helpful to be able to get it all out and off your chest, you know? We're here to listen.  Do you have any mental health support for you whilst in recovery, as well as to help you navigate any intense or difficult emotions emerging after making this decision?  ... View more

@Ihearyou I'm sorry to hear that you feel your daughter is close to crisis, but it sounds like that has a hopeful silver-lining for you in that it may be the catalyst for her seeking some help and support. I think you're right, it's like we can show someone the door but they must choose to walk through it. It sounds like you are doing what you can to support her in the meantime.  Do you also have support for yourself in these stressful/crisis moments? Or even just in terms of managing the day-to-day stress?  ... View more

Hey @chasingrainbows I wanted to pop by, and first off just say that it is very clear to me that you are doing whatever you can to support your daughter to make good decisions, and that there can be a lot of frustrations to then watch her make the choices she is currently making. I wanted to share a couple resources that we have here on our website that may be helpful reads for you in navigating this situation:  School Refusal Practical Strategies for School Refusal Addiction  Alcohol & Drugs   You can also reach out to the folks over at Family Drug Support - they have info on their website and a helpline too.    I hope you both find your way through these trying times, and we will be there to support you as best we can along the way. Let us know if there's any other support or resources we can help you with  ... View more

Hi @Sojogad welcome to the forums. I can imagine year 12 to be quite a stressful time - especially for someone with ADHD. I believe your best bet would be to seek some extra support from the school - you can find out more about potential accommodations that can be made either by contacting the school directly, or you can have a look at some of the information available via the QLD govt website here and here. There's also a fantastic resource called ADDitude Mag that has a whole bunch of readings and resources to support people with ADHD - here's their section on parenting & on school & learning.  It might be helpful for us to provide you further support if we know a little more about what is happening. What in particular is your child struggling with at the moment? Do they have any supports already in place you could access? What sort of support do you think would be most helpful?  I hope this helps, and let us know if there's anything in particular that could be helpful to explore  ... View more

@2teenageboys It sounds like you really are doing as much as you can to try to resolve this issue but I can hear how much of an impact it is having on you. Since your son has autism, I think @Blake-RO might be onto something with the potential of sensory issues being part of this particular puzzle. Having a chat to him about what is happening for him internally might help shed some light on the situation. Perhaps he finds showers really overstimulating (I have heard some autistic people describe showers as being like needles to them), or maybe the particular deodorant feels gross on his skin, or has a scent that he can't handle. If so, the solution might be to have baths (if possible) or to try some different kinds of deodorant. He may also experience something that is known as Persistent Drive for Autonomy (PDA), which you can read a bit more about here. In that case, working collaboratively with him to find ways that he can actively choose to care for his hygiene, rather than needing to be told, might be helpful. It does sound like a tricky situation, I hope that these things help you to find a resolution that works for everyone.  ... View more

@Aphi2023 Hi there, welcome to the forums. I'm glad you've found your way to our community, and been able to share your story with us. I can only imagine how difficult and isolating it has been to go through this alone. It sounds like your life has gone down a very unexpected path, and you're at a loss of where to turn or what steps to take next. You obviously really care about your son, to go to so much effort to get an accurate diagnosis - to me this says you are wanting to better understand his experiences of life, how they might be different, and how you can provide the best environment for him to grow up in. He's lucky to have you.    It sounds like a very tough situation with his father, where you do get some practical support but very little in the way of emotional support or connection. I can't tell you whether separating is the right choice or not, but I do know that there are definitely success stories out there of single mums who raise their autistic children happy and healthy. I do think getting the right support around you is a key part of this, and so maybe moving somewhere where there are more community programs, more accessible support, or more specialised care, is the way to go. It is a tough decision to make no matter what you choose. I think at the end of the day, finding community and connection are really important for both you and your son.    I have put together a little list here of articles, organisations, and videos that might help you on your journey. As we are an Australian organisation, some of it will be Australian-based, and so may also be limited in the support they could provide to you - but worth exploring regardless.  Amaze - Autism Connect Amaze - Understand Autism ASAN (Autistic Self Advocacy Network) - Guide for Parents of Autistic Kids ASAN - Resource Library Autism Parenting - Tips for Single Parents Autism Parenting - Finding love when you have a child with autism Video - 5 things I wish my parents knew when raising me with autism Intense World Theory of Autism I hope this helps, and of course please let us know if there's any further info or resources we might be able to help with. You don't deserve to do this alone.  ... View more

Hi there @Confused86 and welcome to the forums. It sounds like your son is having a lot of difficulty, it's great you're doing what you can to support him and that he also has the support of his manager. If you're looking for information about the legal system, you may want to contact the Dept of Education, or give LegalAid a call. We also have some information about school refusal that could be worth a read through.  Have you spoken to him much about what might be going on for him? Understanding a bit more about why he is finding it hard to engage with school could help guide the next steps that you could take.  ... View more

Hi @heythere thank you for sharing with us, sounds like a very tricky situation, and that the strategies usually given for school refusal don't seem to work for you. Perhaps you could remind her of the fact that she was capable of building up to it last term, and so she can do so again.  What other ways does she have to manage her anxiety? I know you say she doesn't do psychology, which is tricky, but you could also encourage her to try something like Kids Helpline, which may be a lot more approachable. It sounds like she may need help in finding ways to regulate her emotional state and return to baseline rather than being stuck in fight or flight.  For yourself as well, it could be helpful to get some extra support. Navigating situations like this can be very taxing, and we all need to be able to vent and feel heard from time to time.  ... View more

Hey @kiddos glad to have you here with us. Can be so hard to feel unable to help your kids develop meaningful relationships. Perhaps your kids are struggling to feel settled? We have a bundle of resources that you (and your kids) could read through to help in this area, check them out: Making Friends - Can parents help? How to make friends at school A gazillion ways to make new friends   Getting the support of a school counsellor could also be helpful, as well as chatting to your kids about what is going on for them, where their struggles are, stuff like that.    Let us know if there's further support or resources we could potentially provide  ... View more

@Mumtofour it does sound like a particularly exhausting situation to be in, and one that has left you feeling quite lost and confused.    Of course you deserve your own life, and the fact that this situation has you questioning this says to me that you have been carrying this pressure for a really long time now, impacting your thoughts and beliefs.    I hope the above resources are helpful, and would also recommend looking for a BPD parents and carers support group in your area, if there is one. I'd also like to include another resource from the BPD Foundation - a list of helpful tips for caring for someone with BPD.    You could also give Carers Australia a call, not just for support in the moment but also in terms of exploring their options for things like counselling and respite.   You deserve care and support, and neither you nor your daughter deserve to go through this alone. We're glad to have you with us.  ... View more

Hey @RachelB sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling with self-harm as well. That is such a tough thing to face as a parent, and can be very overwhelming for all involved. Have a read through of this article - it gives some insights into why your child may be self-harming, and links to further resources about what steps you could potentially take next.    Again, we are glad to have you with us here and invite you to continue to reach out to the community if you want to talk about it further.  ... View more

Hi @RachelB and welcome to the online community. It sounds like things are really rough for you and your daughter at present, so it's great you've decided to reach out to us for some extra support.    We have some resources around school refusal, as it is quite an issue for many parents in Australia. This post may be a good place to start, and has some further reading there too. We also have an article, Everything you need to know about school refusal - hope this helps.    Let us know if you have any questions and feel free to continue to post as needed, and we will do our best to support you through this difficult time.  ... View more

Hi @Bellalight,  It is genuinely devastating to read of your struggles to navigate a faulty system, and be stuck at the fringes of the lives of your children. I can hear how hard you have been fighting to not only be a part of their lives, but also to find ways to give them the best possible chances of living full lives, free from abuse and alienation.  I believe you are absolutely correct, in that addressing the root causes of the issue is essential in building a better future for everyone, especially our children. Working in the mental health system has shown me the depths of disparity between the things that need to change, and the rate of how changes are implemented. A painfully slow process, and one that is continuing to leave so many folks in destitution and despair. Though, I have also been witness to the fact that there are truly caring and dedicated people who work within these systems who are fighting for change and fighting to protect and uplift the most vulnerable people in our society, and I hope that you are able to find some professional supports that fit into this group, even though I do hear how burnt you are on trusting anyone within the system.  I'm afraid I can't offer much in terms of options to explore that haven't already been suggested, and it sounds like you have already walked down many paths in seeking changes to your current circumstances. I had a thought though, and do please do with it what you see fit - it may not be something you're interested in, but it might be beneficial in its own way. Sometimes, children who have been separated from their parents will grow wiser as they grow older, and seek out said parent of their own volition. Perhaps you could write letters or stories for your children that speak to them of your feelings, your love, your devotion. I know it's not much in terms of resolving your situation, but the process itself could be therapeutic, as well as hold onto the hope that those words may one day reach your children and remind them that you have always wanted what is best for them.  I hope that by continuing to tell your story and raise awareness, you may find allies who will also fight alongside you to ensure your kids can get the support and care they deserve - as well as yourself, because you are also deserving of care in this truly horrendous situation.  ... View more