02-06-2023 04:52 PM - last edited on 02-10-2023 01:42 PM by Bre-RO
Hi. I have stumbled on this website and hoping to find through this unpredictable and embarrassing mess. My 17yr old has some anger issues and is lashing out verbally at the whole family except her father who doesn’t live here and has had little to do with her until recent times.
Today was the worst day yet with my daughter punching a photo frame and smashing glass into her hand while I was at work. I called to check in after a blow up yesterday and then having her stay at a friends place o’nite. She was in tears and said she had a meltdown bi called my mum who went over to sit with her and help as best she could.
I don’t know what to do but have booked another Dr appointment to ask for more help.
Hee anger and lashing out is straining the whole family.
02-06-2023 05:57 PM
02-06-2023 07:23 PM
02-07-2023 04:26 PM
Hi @Worriedmun , I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through with your daughter right now. It's sounds as though she is really struggling, and that her behaviour is having an impact on you, your partner and the rest of your family.
I can certainly understand how having a renewed relationship with her father could be leading to some heavy emotions for your daughter - it can be very difficult to see your parent showing up for others in a way that perhaps they didn't show up for you, and trying to reconcile why that might be happening. You mentioned that your daughter didn't have a lot to do with her father until recently, did anything in particular prompt this change in their relationship?
You also mentioned in your initial post that you're planning on going to the doctor to ask for some more help. Is your daughter currently in contact with her GP or a psychologist? It sounds as though she might benefit from some extra support to work through her anger and any other emotions that might be coming up for her right now.
I'm also curious as to how you're doing. It sounds as though you're trying to support your daughter to the best of your ability, but that this has been a tough time for both of you. Do you have anyone in your life that you feel comfortable talking to about what's going on with your daughter? You mentioned that your partner often retreats to his own place when things get tough, which must feel a little isolating at times. If you feel as though you need some extra guidance or support at the moment, we offer a one-on-one coaching service for parents of teens aged 12-18 that are going through a tough time which you're more than welcome to make use of.
02-07-2023 09:30 PM
02-08-2023 03:42 PM
Thank you for sharing more about your situation with us, we are really glad that you have found us and have been able to reach out for some support.
I’m sorry to hear that you and your family have been going through such a tough time recently. I can hear how much your daughter means to you and how hard you have been trying to help her – she is very lucky to have you in her life.
It sounds like you have been taking really great steps and have been trying really hard to support her by trying to engage more professional support along with having your parents involved to support you and their granddaughter.
I know you mentioned that you felt embarrassed and disappointed that you couldn’t keep yourself together and I want to remind you that you are only human, and you have been under considerable stress, so it is very understandable that this happened. It just shows how much she means to you and how much you want to help her, and it sounds like you have been doing such a great job and have been doing everything you can to navigate through this tough time.
I’m sorry to hear that your partner hasn’t been very supportive to you or your daughter, I can imagine how difficult that must be for you to not have that support. It is good to know that you have your parents and that you will look into the coaching service for more support. I want to remind you that your wellbeing is just as important, and you also deserve all the support available to you as although you are doing such a great job, you don’t have to do this alone and support is available for you too.
Have you been able to talk to your daughter about why she doesn’t want to talk to anyone else and only wanted to talk to the school counsellor? Or do you think speaking to her about this might be helpful for you to understand and might help with finding more appropriate support for her.
I also wanted to check in and see how you're feeling today after your conversation with your daughter last night?
Remember that we are all here to listen and support you through this and that you don’t have to do this alone.
02-08-2023 07:29 PM
02-08-2023 10:18 PM
Hi @Worriedmun ,
Sounds like you have made efforts to find supports for your daughter. Teenagehood moving to early adulthood can be a time of mixed emotions. There are life choices which need to be made and at times, it can be very trying for all. It seems that the anger is directed at those she is closest to. Unfortunately, this can been seen in many children. It can be often said that, "children behave worse for their parents"....why? because they are comfortable to show their true self - they are not there to have to please you.
It's a great first step in seeking support for your daughter. Another thing, have you sough support for yourself? for example, seeing a counsellor/psychologist etc for your own need as a parent? You may find this helpful and an opportunity to share these concerns.
Another important point is healthy boundary setting. When your daughter is calm, perhaps have a discussion about what works and doesn't work for both?
Hope this helps!
02-09-2023 06:41 PM