Teenage relationship advice needed

[milli95]

Hi,

My 17 year old daughter has been in a long term, loving relationship. She has recently disclosed that her and her boyfriend have started having sex. I have recently been told by a friend that my daughter's boyfriend has told his friends they are having sex. I am very worried about the impact of this on my daughter as she is a very private person. Is this normal teenage behaviour (to share this information with friends)? I am not sure whether to approach my daughter about this, and if so, how I go about this? I don't want her heart to be broken. I'm feeling very anxious.

[Nymeria-RO · Accepted solution]

Hey @milli95 

Welcome to the ReachOut community.

Thank you for sharing what you're going through right now, I can hear how worried you are about your daughter and her privacy. It's understandable being concerned about her boyfriend sharing this information, and the impact it could have on her.

From what you've described, it sounds like you could really use some support navigating this situation. I want to acknowledge your courage and care for your daughter in trying to figure out how to approach her about this. You mentioned your daughter recently disclosed that her and her boyfriend have started having sex, and I wanted to share this article on talking to your teenager about sex and this one on preparing for your teenager being sexually active.

Those articles might be able to give you some information on how you might talk about sex with your daughter, I thought I'd share this video which talks through effectively communicating with your teen too. I understand that the boyfriend sharing that they are having sex is worrying, I was wondering if you think it might be worth asking your daughter if she consented to her boyfriend sharing that?

I know that this is a really anxious time for you. It's important to consider your wellbeing and make sure you're looking after yourself during this difficult time. Do you have any self-care strategies or supports you rely on when you're facing stressful situations like this one?

Looking forward to your response!

[Astra-RO · Accepted solution]

Hey @milli95, I'm glad to hear you've found the community a supportive place so far.

It definitely sounds like a tricky situation and conversation to navigate but I can really hear how much you care about your daughter's wellbeing. It's really good to hear you've got some self-care strategies and a psychologist to potentially reconnect with. 

Has anything helped in the past with the over-thinking and anxiety?

One strategy for overthinking you mind find helpful is called "Worry Time", though you might have already tried this. You can read more about it here and ReachOut even has a WorryTime app. The strategy involves postponing your worries to a set time (though try not to make this before bed). Some people write a list of their worries when they come up to postpone, but you might also like to use the app.

You can also find more resources on worry here. I hope these strategies are helpful!

[Nymeria-RO · Accepted solution]

Hey @milli95 

Welcome to the ReachOut community.

Thank you for sharing what you're going through right now, I can hear how worried you are about your daughter and her privacy. It's understandable being concerned about her boyfriend sharing this information, and the impact it could have on her.

From what you've described, it sounds like you could really use some support navigating this situation. I want to acknowledge your courage and care for your daughter in trying to figure out how to approach her about this. You mentioned your daughter recently disclosed that her and her boyfriend have started having sex, and I wanted to share this article on talking to your teenager about sex and this one on preparing for your teenager being sexually active.

Those articles might be able to give you some information on how you might talk about sex with your daughter, I thought I'd share this video which talks through effectively communicating with your teen too. I understand that the boyfriend sharing that they are having sex is worrying, I was wondering if you think it might be worth asking your daughter if she consented to her boyfriend sharing that?

I know that this is a really anxious time for you. It's important to consider your wellbeing and make sure you're looking after yourself during this difficult time. Do you have any self-care strategies or supports you rely on when you're facing stressful situations like this one?

Looking forward to your response!

[milli95]

Thank you so much for your reply. I will access the resources you have suggested. 

I will also have that discussion with my daughter about whether she consented to her boyfriend sharing that information. I highly doubt she did. At this point she is unaware I have knowledge of the disclosure he has made to his friends. I will need to tread carefully in approaching the subject.

I do have some self-care strategies and supports including engaging with a psychologist on previous occasions. I am a chronic over thinker and have diagnosed Anxiety disorder. If you could suggest any strategies that would be useful for 'overthinking' that would be greatly apprecited.

Many thanks.

[Astra-RO · Accepted solution]

Hey @milli95, I'm glad to hear you've found the community a supportive place so far.

It definitely sounds like a tricky situation and conversation to navigate but I can really hear how much you care about your daughter's wellbeing. It's really good to hear you've got some self-care strategies and a psychologist to potentially reconnect with. 

Has anything helped in the past with the over-thinking and anxiety?

One strategy for overthinking you mind find helpful is called "Worry Time", though you might have already tried this. You can read more about it here and ReachOut even has a WorryTime app. The strategy involves postponing your worries to a set time (though try not to make this before bed). Some people write a list of their worries when they come up to postpone, but you might also like to use the app.

You can also find more resources on worry here. I hope these strategies are helpful!

[milli95]

Thank you! I have already started using the resources you have suggested and they are definitely helping with the over thinking and worry. Many thanks.