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[reginald]

Hi everybody. My 12 yo granddaughter was bullied out of primary school and is now receiving the same treatment in high school.
- She has a fantastic sense of humour and can have the family laughing hysterically with her impressions and daggy dancing.
- our daughter is an absolutely fantastic single mum to her three children, we try to be as supportive as possible.
- I didn’t know about Reachout until a google search looking for somewhere we could be able to communicate with families in similar situations.
- I think parenting in this current web mad society must be an absolute nightmare.
Having brought up two children and now with grandchildren I can only reaffirm the importance of listening, encouragement and acceptance. Unfortunately this is all made so challenging with the negative influence of social media and television.
- its an absolute delight to have our granddaughter whenever we see her.
( as I’m a grandfather I understand if I may not be accepted. I will refer my daughter to this site anyway. )

[Zig_RO]

Hi Reginald,

I want to start by saying welcome to the forums! It’s amazing to have you reach out to us I can see that you care so deeply for your family and it’s so amazing of course you’re welcome here

It's a real treat to see how you write about your granddaughter and your family, and I wanted to commend you on taking the time to research and find ways to support both your daughter and your granddaughter It is inspiring.

In terms of your granddaughter, I’d like to offer some resources we have on bullying. Bullying is something no person should ever have to go through and no one should ever have to go through it alone either, we have an article on how to cope with bullying as well as an article on how to get help when being bullied and most importantly how to look after yourself. Please let me know if any of these were helpful

The Youth Online Community is also an amazing place for young people to come and share experiences, gain insight, or even just communicate with other young people I thought maybe your granddaughter might be interested in checking it out.

You’ve spoken a lot about your family and how much you care about them and as amazing as that is, I’m curious to know how you're feeling. Do you have any self-care practices and what may those look like for you? This could be spending time with family, or time to yourself, anything you do when things are getting hard.

All the best

[missymoo13]

I have just registered with Reachout Parents for support as a parent to two children - a 20 year old son and 13 year old daughter.  Parenting can definitely be stressful at times, but also equally rewarding, if not more so.  When I am dealing with stress, I like to reach out for help, advice, and support to help me get through those challenging times.  I am also a big believer in self care, no matter how big or small that may look like, it is all positive.  I have connected with Reach Out because I lost my son to family violence (psychological/emotional), and now, I am facing the same fate with my daughter, after she was taken from me a couple of months ago and not returned to my care.  I feel let down by the very organisations and services in place to help keep children like my daughter, safe from harm, and I thought looking into something a little different, like Reachout, where I can connect with other parents going through difficult times with their own children and teens, may help me to feel more connected and less alone.  My best tip for parents whose kids are about to enter those dreaded teenage years, would be to give them the space, privacy, and indepence, they need to thrive and really come into their own, as this is the ideal time in their lives where they need to find themselves, and sometimes, we as parents, need to take a step back from them to allow them to have that opportunity.  The best thing about weekends for me as a parent, is knowing that gives me quality time with my teen, where the demands of school and normal routine don't interfere with the enjoyment of our time together.

[Lily_RO]

Hi @missymoo13 , welcome to the ReachOut community! It takes strength to reach out for support, and your willingness to connect here shows just how resilient you are as a parent. It's clear that you care deeply about your children and their well-being. 

I’m really sorry to hear about the challenges you and your family have faced and are currently facing. Dealing with family violence and the subsequent impacts on your children sounds incredibly painful and overwhelming, and I wanted to acknowledge your courage in facing such difficult circumstances. It's understandable to feel let down by systems that were meant to protect your family.

Your commitment to self-care amidst these circumstances is admirable. Taking care of yourself, no matter how small the gesture, is crucial during tough times.

Your tip for parents navigating the teenage years is insightful and reflective of your understanding of the importance of giving teens the space to grow and discover themselves. It can be really important to strike that balance between offering support and granting independence. 

I encourage you to create your own thread here to share more about your journey and to connect with other parents who may be going through similar challenges. And I wish you all the luck in finding connection and support within the ReachOut community

[chilli918]

Hi

I am a single parent to a 13, nearly 14 year old daughter, who is in a lot of pain dealing with adolescence as well as sexual trauma, depression, bullying.

I have a clinical psychologist as well as support from school. Her school work is generally really good even though she has only been at this school 2 terms. Her problems are emotional, past traumas including a father who hasn't been around for her much.

Our relationship is very good, most of the time and she is a more mature 13 year old. In fact she thinks she is too mature! 

Last year at her old school she encountered bullying it was in a private school and she begged me to change her schools to one where she already had friends.

But last year she started to self-harm, then use a vape as a way of coping with anxiety and stress. I took her to a psychiatrist who diagnosed her with mild depression. Over the last 5 months she has gotten worse, and doing pretty much , every acting out and self-destructive behaviours.

Getting drunk, smoking weed, disappearing for a few days to friends houses, staying out until the early hours, dis-respect, anger, no fear of consequences, no fear of authority, lying and most recently stealing. This week she confessed to sleeping with 5 boys her age, 3 of which she said she regrets massively (this is where her psychologist and I believe the sexual trauma comes into play)

I am told I am doing everything right with her, setting boundaries (which she doesn't respect), coming from a place of love, always being her safe space.

Im exhausted, my own mental health is depleted and as much as I stay strong, everyday tip toeing on eggshells is wearing me down.

I now have gotten her father to step up and be present to which she is massively angry at me and him.

I'm lost and feel helpless, I know I'm not alone but right now I want to run away and I know I can't.

[Bel_RO]

Hey @chilli918 ,

Welcome to ReachOut! I would like to thank you for being honest and courageous by sharing what you’re going through. What you are experiencing with your 13 year old daughter would be incredibly taxing to say the least, so it’s completely understandable and valid to be feeling lost, exhausted and helpless. I can also see that you are feeling heartbroken for your daughter and may be afraid of what she might be getting involved in. 

Self-care is unlikely to be on your conscience at present but can be really helpful to manage these feelings you have, so I’m wondering if you’ve been able to engage in any self-care? This article on self-care  includes a few tips on self-care and might be helpful for generating new ideas. I was also curious to know if you and your daughter have any social supports together? Sometimes it can help to have another person who is on the same page throughout everything that is happening, whether that be extended family, old friends or teachers?

Parents often fail to give themselves the recognition they deserve during these tough times, so It’s important to acknowledge and recognise that you are doing the best you can in such a complex situation! From what you’ve shared I can see that you’ve made sure to support your daughter in any way possible which shows your strength and unconditional love. Despite your daughter not following your boundaries, she is still open and comfortable to communicate with you, which shows the special connection you both share. 

It is also important to remember that your wellbeing is just as valuable as your daughters. I can see that you’re connected with a clinical psychologist and are being supported by the school. Have you had the opportunity to check in with your psychologist and discuss how you’re feeling around this? I am also wondering if you’ve been able to speak to any friends or family about what you’re experiencing? It might also be helpful to receive additional support during this time, so I encourage you to connect with ReachOut’s 1:1 parent coaching service that is free and confidential. Additionally, Parentline is another great service that offers free and confidential counselling that might be useful to explore. 

I look forward to hearing from you soon!