TW My 11 year old is out of control

[drowning_mum]

Hi im new here and im out of ideas and help and yep can you tell i tried google and came across this reachout page.
A little background on my 11 year old son. We left a 14 year long domestic violent relationship with his dad. My son is adhd and ODD. The last 18 months have been out of control. To the point its constant calls to the police as he constantly threatens myself and his younger brother. 3 occasions in the last 2 months we have been taken to 2 of our local hospitals for him to be seen by mental health professionals only to be sent home. He was reffered to CAHMS and has had 3 appointments but nothing in those yet to help at all with our situation. He tells me and his younger brother almost on a daily basis that he is going to kill us. My house is damaged. My car is damaged. Most of the time this all happens when he is told no about something. I have absolutely no control. I cant punish him or take things away from him because that just escalates the situation. Everyone in the house walks on egg shells. My youngest son doesnt want him living here anymore. And to be honest its not fair for a 7 year old to feel so terrified all the time. I am in tears on a daily basis. To be honest id like to just pack my own bag and runaway. I dont know how u can have multiple calls to the police, visits to the hospital and visits to camhs and telling them all what u are living with and they be happy to send u home with him.

[Bre-RO]

Hi there @drowning_mum 

I’m so sorry to read about the situation you’re facing with your son and the fourteen years of domestic violence you experienced. Thank you for trusting us with your story, and please know that we’re here to support you whenever you need to vent. 

I can see that you are doing everything in your power to get your son the help he needs whilst also trying to protect yourself and your youngest son. It’s a heavy situation to juggle, and I can imagine how exhausted, afraid and sad you must be feeling. 

It’s a relief to know that you are comfortable calling the police when you need their assistance and that CAHMS is involved. In saying that, it sounds like you and your family need more support than what’s been offered at this stage, and I’d like to see if there’s anything we can do to help open up more opportunities for you. 

I’m curious to know if you’ve considered contacting a local family violence support service that can provide support to the whole family. It sounds like both you and your son could benefit from talking to someone like a psychologist. What do you think? 

You might already be aware of the domestic and family violence services in your area, but I thought I’d share the 1800-RESPECT service directory, which you can use to find local support. 

Although it probably feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you are taking a proactive approach to help your son under incredibly difficult circumstances. Please know that we’re to continue chatting about this with you.