Hey @jdbza, I have to start by saying what a loving, giving, patient and compassionate mum and human being you are. You have been through so much and yet continue on with an open heart and have taken in a child that needs loads of love and guidance. I can only imagine your hurt, shock and frustration over what has happened and how it's being handled by DoCs.
I cannot fathom how they can conclude that you telling this child that they are loved and supported unconditionally has caused the child trauma and is the reason the child is acting up! From the sounds, you've been a family that has given the child the best environment they've had, after a troubled home life then so many placements. I'd actually make a complaint about being told that, because I think it's such a harmful and unproductive thing for them to say. We had DoCs involvement years ago with my daughter, and before they had even looked into anything else, I was told by the team manager that my daughter's issues were my fault and due to my bad parenting. My daughter actually has complex mental health issues after being sexually assaulted. I made a complaint and she was taken off our case and I received an official apology from DoCs. Our new worker was fantastic, so it can be a matter of who is on the team.
I'm so glad you've been cleared of the allegations, but am so sorry you've been through this awful experience. I'm wondering if your local member of parliament might be able to do anything for you? It might be worth contacting them with your situation and seeing what they come back with? I've had assistance from our local member with school issues a few years ago, and found them really helpful.
It's a definitely an upside that the doors of CYMHS have now opened - our counsellor from CYMHS has been a wonderful source of support and advocacy for us. They can hopefully work with you to keep the child at home (I love that you want them "home where they belong").
I just don't have the words to say how amazing you are and I think this teen is so lucky to have you on their side, through thick and thin. It's not easy, it's exhausting but our struggling kids needs adults who don't give up on them and can see past the poor behaviours.
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