Hi there, I just joined and this is my first post. I found the site after a Google search reaching out for help. I'm so hurt, lost, confused, angry, etc about this situation.. So just to sum it up.. I have a 14 year old son with a guy I was in a relationship with for 4 years. It was a SUPER toxic relationship and when my son was 3, he ended up going to prison for 3 years and I took that as my opportunity to leave without him manipulating me to stay or go back like always happened before. So, life went on and he got out when my son was 6/7. He didn't really reach out or anything, just continued to live in his new freedom. Let me add now, that even when we were "together", he was NEVER an involved or helpful parent. To the point where he was late to our son's scheduled birth... And many times I'd have to take my son to work with me because he never came home to watch him. Fast forward years later.. he'd pop up randomly over the years "to see his son" .. which in that case, I WOULD SAY NO. For one, at this point he was a stranger to my young boy.. and two, you're not gonna confuse him by popping up, making a bunch of promises, then leaving again for an unknown amount of time. So while I did say no, I felt like it was just because I was protecting my son and we should EASE him into visitations, etc after so long being apart. Anyway, he ended up going back and forth to jail, not to mention moving city to city in about 3 different states. I eventually lost count and contact and we were just a single family for a long time. Well now, my son just turned 14 yrs old! A couple months ago, before a football game, his dad is in town and pulls up to him in a car... Says hi and that he heard he plays football and he came to watch him play. My son tells him he's not actually playing today because one of his grades made him inelligible. He leaves but apparently they traded numbers (I didn't know this at this point). A couple weeks later, I notice my son has some shoes and clothes I didn't buy him, so I ask where he got them. He tells me his dad dropped them off! I asked "to the house? I feel like I should know these things" and my son basically says why do I need to know? I tried to explain I'm his mom and I care but I guess it came out wrong and I think this is where I got things wrong? Now weeks later again, he is asking if he can go stay with his dad..I'm mind blown because his dad has never even been full time in ANY of his children's lives (5 kids, 4 mom's) .. I immediately tell him no and now it's like he's mad at me and hiding stuff.His dad even added me on SC and asked can he take him out of town this weekend. I said id have to think about it. And now I'm immediately the bad guy because they want to spend time I guess but I'm worried about my son and his feelings and not only that but his dad has always been a fast-money type of person if you know what I mean. I don't want him around anything like that and the fact I haven't known anything about his father in 10 years myself and he used to be into drugs , selling drugs , had 3 kids in one year, lives in hotels instead of houses , just a lifestyle that isn't home-based altogether ... Makes me so uncomfortable! But at one point during all this I told my son he is old enough to make that decision himself if he wishes to talk to his dad (he has his own phone of course) .. and I thought I was doing the right thing by saying that but now theyre both holding it against me when I say they can't live together or go out town! So now I almost feel like they are teaming up against ME when all I ever wanted was the best for all of us! I never wished my son would be estranged from his dad, and I never wished id keep him from him but I want to protect him from this pervious piece of **bleep** regardless.... So what do I do ?! 😢 ... View more