02-14-2020 06:31 PM
02-14-2020 10:35 PM - edited 02-14-2020 10:36 PM
Hi @Sudburykids, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing your experience. It sounds like this has been really challenging for you. A lot of parents feel this way when all of their children have moved out. You are not alone and it can be such an incredibly isolating way to feel. It can also be a difficult change to adapt to but a lot of people find that time can help. Do you know more about why your daughter was interested in moving? What is your relationship like with her? Are you worried about her safety? Sometimes when parents are feeling the effects of an empty nest, they try to keep themselves busy with therapy and hobbies. What kind of interests do you have and what does a typical day look like for you? We are always here to listen
02-16-2020 07:53 AM - edited 02-19-2020 05:02 PM
I can hear your concern, sadness, and worry, and I'm glad you found your way here to this forum.
It seems there are, at least, two big things going on here. First, she is, as you mention, the baby of the bunch. And, yes, there is much adjustment that needs to happen as the family 'adapts' to this sudden and unpredicted change.
But, the second concern seems to be your worry about her safety and the vulnerable position in which she may find herself. Her boyfriend is abusive. Her living situation rests on the goodwill of a friend's parents. The decisions she is making seem to be made quickly and perhaps without full thought.
I have a few questions that may help us understand the situation better...
1) It sounds like the move was a surprise. Can you tell us a little bit about her situation pre-move? How was her relationship with your family? Did things seem fairly stable or precarious in her life? Were there any concerns about her mental health or risky activities? (and, I understand if you don't want to share too much yet here. I get that. And, as you can see from the forum, parents find themselves here for *all sorts of reasons).
2) Is she still attached to her education? Was she going to school before she moved? Does she plan on going to school where she is? School can be a little bit of a predictor of some degree of stability/routine.
3) Has she given any indication of finances? Does she have a plan for paying for food, lodging, cell phone, transportation and so on? Does she have a job or a plan to find safe work?
4) Is she welcome home again? Does she have the option to change her mind and come home to the family home again, or does this seem like such a breach of relationships/trust that your family feels she must try and make a go of it on her own?
I don't know if you view this as a 'running away' situation or an 'i'm an adult and I'm branching out on my own'....and I realize that I may be viewing this through the lens of my own experience.
I had a daughter who ran away (she was younger than your gal) and, given our particular situation and her younger age, it was important to us that she always knew she could come home. We wanted to ensure that she knew she was welcome home, and we tried to anticipate the fact that it would be hard for her to admit that she wanted to come home.
We were also concerned about money and thought that she might do risky things or stay with risky people for accommodations and money. So we, personally, wanted to make sure that she had *some access to money (certainly not a lot). Again, I know this was a different situation because there are always different mitigating factors.
I'm glad that there is still contact with her. The fact that she talks to you, answers some of your texts, and lets you know even a few details of her life is good.
I know you're hurting. Please post again.