TW: My son had two suicide attempts

[Kamm44]

Hi everyone,

I am new here and very thankful that I found this forum. My 16-yo son had his first attempt in Jan of this year. After his attempt, he went into Intensive Inpatient treatment (he came home every night, but had to be there all day) and then after two months went to a step-down program of three days a week for another two months. He was doing pretty well - I thought. I guess I let me guard down.

He is dealing with a lot of childhood trauma from an abusive relationship with his father with whom he no longer has contact. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He is struggling also with his identity.

Earlier in July he had another attempt and this time he was admitted into a mental health facility for 12 days. After his release he is seeing his therapist twice a week plus getting additional testing for ADD, and possibly being on the spectrum. They also think he might be bipolar.

Being a single mom to six kids (three are young adults and three are teens) I am feeling very alone and very anxious all the time. I attend a domestic violence support group every week for about a year now and there are days when even I feel like I am at rock bottom.

How do you all handle this? Thanks for listening.

[MAYC-RO]

Hi @Kamm44 

I’m incredibly sorry that this has happened and that your son is struggling. How is he right now? Do you know if he is at risk of another attempt?

It’s really good that you have stuck with the domestic violence support group for the past year, so you know that you’re not alone in what you have had to deal with in the past. Thank you for joining the community and seeking additional support. Are you and your kids currently safe from any further potential domestic violence?

When you mentioned about feeling at rock bottom on some days, do you feel that you may harm yourself at all?

[Kamm44]

Thank you for replying. I don't feel like I am going to harm myself, no. I just feel utterly depleted some days. I would never leave my children without a mother. There are just days that I feel like I don't know what to do and feel rather helpless. I am strong but even strong people get depleted.

We are safe from my ex. I got a divorce several years back and only two of my teens still have contact with the ex. My one 17 year old only stays with the ex to watch over the 13 year old and has said things have been rather calm lately. He also drives so if things did get heated they just leave and drive off.

I still deal with the BS text messages and such but that's tolerable. My son is doing okay I guess. I watch him all the time - from the sidelines. We have a rating scale he writes on the whiteboard every morning and night. He rates his moods in the morning and then at night. If the mood has changed significantly he will tell me why.

It's a lonely feeling though because it's not like you can just seek out others in this position because it's mostly a "silent club" out there.

[MAYC-RO]

Hi @Kamm44 

Thank you for letting us know that you're not going to harm yourself. I can see the wonderful amount of love that you have for your children, and that your profile picture is the ever-protective momma-bear so it clearly suits you well 

Please don't feel that you have to tolerate the BS text messages, it's not ok for anyone to treat you like that, and you do have the option of going to your local police about it. Same for your 13 and 17yr old, it's really unfortunate that they have to have the exit strategy of driving away. Would your 13yr old know and be comfortable calling local emergency services if they had to while staying with your ex?

With your 16yr old son, has his therapist given you any resources to help support if that mood rating does change? Please don't hesitate to contact your local emergency services if it does, to ensure he stays safe.

I can understand why you would be feeling depleted and lonely, you've clearly been through a lot and have carried this all on your own shoulders, it makes sense that you would be feeling weighed down. Are you able to take a little time for yourself for some self-care, even if its a short walk after dinner? I will send you an email shortly with some resource info (please check your spam folder if you don't see it). Take care of yourself, and please keep us posted how you're progressing